Category: Ileana

A post.

I’ve toyed around with the idea of even posting this post. Part of me feels like it’s pointless since what I really feel and want to say isn’t something I should put onto such a public platform, even though it’s something I’m very passionate about. Sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut, sit…

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Limit yourself. 

I deal with perpetual depression and anxiety.  Now that that is out of the way.  I woke up this morning pretty panicky. For no good reason, but I couldn’t shake it. All I wanted to do was dance, but deep down I was nervous that dance might make it worse. (Probably me jumping to worst…

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Swan rehearsal and fitting

This morning I woke up feeling anxious.  I couldn’t shake it. One of the girls even mentioned before barre that I didn’t seem myself.  I found myself fighting off panic attacks at the barre and it only escalated into rehearsal.  I bit my lip until it cracked and dug my nails into my side until…

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This past week

Mrs. Alex wasn’t in class on Wednesday, so we had a sub. I ended up sneaking out towards the end, embarrassed by the fact I couldn’t do what she was asking. She was teaching more on the advanced side and I could do it—or at least try it—on flat, but on pointe it was impossible.…

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Lovely Things

Just a post of some things that have happened this week that I want to remember. Sitting on the floor trying to untangle my yarn to continue to crochet. One of the younger dancers strikes an interest. I show her the stitch and she picks it up immediately Another younger dancer tells me she’s good…

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First Flowers Rehearsal

I managed to luck out, I guess, and not have rehearsal until yesterday giving me an extra weekend to do things I needed to.I was expecting Flowers to be really chaotic and stressful. I had heard that it was always a bit of madness and confusion. This made me nervous, especially since I’m pretty burned…

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Conviction

Yesterday I figured out the source of what caused the weirdness this week, causing me to go into class in a sort of state of determination.I have this one life, I have this day, and I could be dead in the ground but I’m not. I’m here, at this studio, with these people I love…

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