Empty studio

Usually on Tuesdays, I’m only at the studio until about 7pm. This is considered early for me, as most of my classes start at 7 and go til 9. (I get there at 5 because it’s just easier than going home, which is far away. And traffic sucks.) Last night, however, I didn’t leave until after 9.

On Monday, Ms. Munro came up to me during barre and asked what time I could get here the next day. She had a board meeting and no one to man the desk after she left. I told her my class was at 6, but I get here at 5 and I can do it if she’d like. She said not to skip the class (haha) but if I could be there it’d be great. I got there, answered the phones, and manned the desk until Julie’s class started.
There were only 10 people in class, which if I remember correctly was about typical of the 6s last year. The kicker? There’s 30+ people on the roll list.

I was able to do yesterday’s class without my knee brace. I took it easy on the fondus, but I really wanted to at least attempt them so I can get used to it and find my boundaries. I’ve noticed if I work hard to hold my hips square, it doesn’t hurt my knee as much. I also noticed yesterday that it looks as though my shin bone is what’s longer on the right leg. Weird, huh?

Class felt good. It wasn’t too hard, but just enough of a challenge. I noticed myself getting better and stronger when it comes to doing fast frappe’s or degage’s or tondue’s. I still have a lot to work on, but the improvement is nice.

After the hour of barre I stay for, I went back into the office. Andie came in and we looked through recital costumes for her three classes she has. It was quite fun. Looking through all the different options and playing around with music tracks and laughing at the same costume that keeps popping up everywhere. The phone rang a couple times while I was there, but none of the inquiries were complex, so that was nice.

Mia’s class in the pink studio ended at 7:45. Julie had her Jazz class at 7:45 until 8:45.
This got me to thinking.
I could go home, or I could be the one to do all the closing up responsibilities and in the meantime, use the open studio to work on my weaker, shorter leg in my pointe shoes.
(guess which one I chose.)

There’s a portable phone, so I took it with me. No one was in the foyer, no one was there to potentially decide to see what I was doing in the studio. (granted there are curtains I could draw if I wanted. I just forget about them.) I put on some music and just let it play. Starting at the barre, working on doing proper plies and finding how difficult it is to releve en pointe when one leg is shorter and gets there sooner. I did plie releves on my shorter, weaker leg, while holding on to the barre. I did it with the longer, stronger leg as well to see the difference in the two. The shorter leg is impossible to do without the barre, the longer leg is possible but still a bit difficult. (Forget trying to releve without a plie.)
In class on Monday, I realized how much I’ve been struggling to do proper pique turns. They aren’t hard, but I can’t seem to go in a straight line, and I want to make sure I’m plieing enough as well as spotting and holding my arms correctly and having proper alignment and straight knees. I wanted to get more fluid in these, so I can do them quicker as was required in Monday’s V’s class that I struggled with.

My left side is impossible to go straight when turning. I worked and worked and worked on it, trying to make sure everything was being executed exactly as it is supposed to be. It was rough.
I worked on my right side, and noticed I didn’t get on my box all the way. I do for the most part on my left side, but the right is lacking. So I worked on this side for a while, trying to figure out why that was happening and what I could do to improve. I did pique passe’s across the floor to get the proper feel of it as well as placement and staying in a line. I kept switching off between sides, working on this and that. After about 20 minutes, I went back to the barre for more plies and releves. I did them really slowly to get a good feel for the motion and make sure I was rolling through correctly, as well as getting a good, deep plie.
I stretched a bit after and laid there, seeing a cool angle of my pointe shoes, hahaha.

Don’t let the smirk fool you, I’m dead inside.
(But the good kind, ya know.)
(PS. Shirt is from an etsy shop run by dancers. TurningPointeApparel. So great)
I took off my shoes in the office, but not before I got my polaroid of the day from that fun angle of my shoes. Not sure if it came out well or not, I haven’t seen it. hah.
My pinkie toe on my left food is doing this fun thing where it rubs the skin off, kinda, so that’s cute.
Then I noticed that I managed to do this.
That would be a hole in my toe pads.
(thankfully new ones are in the mail)
I watched bits of the Jazz class. Seeing them dance the way they did make me feel all sorts of things. Mainly, that I never want to stop dancing. I want to feel how they must feel while dancing. I want to improve to get to that level.

🙂
He’s a blurry one of my shoes. Ribbons out and all. 

Here’s my feet with Mrs. Alex’s when we were manning the desk. Hehe.
Lalalalalala this is my post and this is the end of it.

No excuses.

This is my 201st post. So that’s kinda fun.

Anyway.

I haven’t been doing grande plies or any extensive jumps in the last two classes. It’s helped my knee, but I know the pain is still there, I’m just not tapping into it.
It’s beyond frustrating to know I can do all these things on my left side, and do them so well, but on my right I’m limited by this one thing. For seemingly no reason and with no real explanation.
Ugh.

But I was talking with Eloise after class on Monday. The two of us seem to be the most accident prone people on the face of the planet (obviously dramatic, but really) and we were talking about all the things we have to push through to continue to dance. We have all these opportunities to make excuses, but if we did, where would that leave us? We wouldn’t dance. Hardly, at least. We wouldn’t grow since we wouldn’t be in classes enough. Sure, it may set me behind the other kids in the class my level, but as has been pointed out, look at how far I’ve come in under four years.

I went from being the derpy new girl who didn’t know a jete from a pas de chat or how the heck to really do a rond de jambe, (Really. I had a friend tutor me in them it stressed me out so badly.)
(Thanks, Sarah.)
to this girl who is in the advanced class, the one called on for combinations because I am one of main ones to remember them. The girl that’s watched for the counts or asked how it’s done by the younger ones who are too afraid to ask the super advanced girls. I’m the one told by the teachers to take the advanced class when I didn’t even consider it an option and the one who is holding her own in said class. (Minus pointe. We’re getting there.)

And sure, it’s frustrating to know I could be doing so much more if my knee weren’t messing up. That I might even be able to handle advanced on pointe if I could plie enough on my right knee. But that’s not where life is. And I can’t do anything about it. I just have to handle it from here and be proactive and stay positive.

Look how far it’s brought me already.

I managed to even do a pirouette on pointe in Monday’s 5s class. It wasn’t all that pretty, but it wasn’t tense and it felt good. Feeling secure in a turn for the first time was incredible. So, I’m hopeful
get it together, knee.

Today is our longer 5s class. I’ll do my best in everything I can do and not avoid the combination just because of a few jumps. I’ll do my best at what I can do.

Also, a spider or something bit my big toe, and it hurts to put pressure on the tip of my toe so we’ll see what happens. Hah.

Missed a class already.

Yesterday I had to skip my 6s class.
Well, I guess I didn’t have to. But I did. I think it was for the best.

Me knee was feeling better in the morning, but as soon as I started bending it more than just walking, the pain returned faster than…well…something fast.

I had my chiropractor’s appointment yesterday. I told the guy who preps me for the rolly-bed-thing about my knee, and he seemed understanding at my concern, but what can he really do for me? Not much.
So I was psyching myself up to make sure I asked the chiropractor about it.
I get into the adjustment room. He comes in. We pop my back a million ways to Sunday, and then I was able to ask him.
It was quick. It wasn’t detailed. I told him my knee had been hurting and asked if it could be because it’s the longer leg. He said no, it shouldn’t be, and he put these little acupuncture bead things on my ears to help with the pain and gave me these supplements to take.
I had read online how your legs can become uneven from muscles being too tight on one side, jacking up the muscles on the opposite side and causing your bones to shift and stuff. I thought of the massage therapist telling me the pain on my right side was from the tension on my left.
One of the articles I found had a detailed regimen to do to help correct this, including the separate exercises on each leg, since the longer one will need different things than the shorter. I’m going to do this anyway, even though the chiropractor doesn’t seem to think it’s a contributing factor.
I bought a foam roller. I hadn’t been dancing all that much to really need one before (although I’m sure anyone can use them if they really wanted) and since I’ve been dancing more I haven’t had the floor space to do any rolling. Now I kinda do, enough anyway, so I got one and tried rolling out last night. I don’t know if I did it right or enough or too much pressure or not enough pressure, but I guess it’s a learning process.
(I just don’t want to waste any time. I don’t have any extra. This is all pretty tight.)

My stomach has been giving me heck, which made rolling out complicated. I couldn’t hold my core like I needed to some of the times because it made me feel sick. It’s beyond frustrating.
I need my stomach to shape up to roll out.
I need to roll out to be able to dance.
I need to dance to help my stomach shape up.
Vicious cycle.

I’m trying to not let it get to me.
Some days are better than others.

After the chiropractor, I went by the studio to talk to Ms. Munro about helping with baby classes.
They had me come into the office through the studio. First thing they did was sit me down and ask if I was okay.
I was like
What? yeah. wait, why wouldn’t I be?
And they were like
Is your knee okay?
And I’m like
Ohhh, that yeaaaaah…
And told them about my knee and how it’s been giving me trouble but now has escalated and how it’s all connected and my back and about the wreck and the nerve damage and my stomach and, ya know, the usual things I’m dealing with.
And Ms. Munro sat there with this semi-stunned look on her face.
She told me how she was amazed at all I’d been through and sorry that I had to deal with all of it. They had no clue all of this was  going on which seems to be the theme here lately and I guess that’s good.

And it was nice, ya know, to have an authority figure hear of all the issues I’m facing and not think that I just need to suck it up or stop being dramatic or whatever, but rather see it for the struggle it is. I wasn’t shot down for it. I can’t really explain how soothing that was for me. To be heard and understood and empathized with genuinely.
They obviously want me better, and they want me to do what I need to achieve that.
It was cool.
She said no grands, like Abby had suggested, and said that the whole rolling-out-different-exercises-for-each-leg thing sounded wise. So, I’m hopeful?
I was more hopeful before trying to roll out last night and feeling like an idiot.

I’m going to be helping Mia with one of her classes on Friday’s starting next week. I’m nervous because I don’t really know Mia. I haven’t taken her class and I don’t really know how she functions. I’m going to have to be assertive, so I’m hoping I don’t piss her off or overstep any bounds. I’m sure it’ll be fine. I just gotta get used to it. Dive in and sink or swim.

This means I’ll be driving into Corpus (about a 40-minute drive) 5 days a week now. Which is rough. But. I dunno. It’s worth it I guess? I like what I’m doing so. That’s nice.

I just feel like things are about to change. I don’t know what that means or if it’ll be a change I’ll like or hate, but a change nonetheless. It feels like something will be blowing in with this colder weather.
Cold fronts make me feel something more anyway. It’s hard to describe.
Like the memories stick better or something.
I feel it all.