Keep Fighting

Part of the journey is being confronted with a certain, extremely high, brick wall.
You have two choices when you reach it:

  1. Run.
    You can turn around and never look back. Give up and say it’s too hard. You made it that far, that’s something to speak of, right?
  2. Or, you can climb it.
Say you pick number 2. You begin your ascension, gripping the next brick you can reach and doing all you can to pull yourself up. But some of the bricks aren’t stable. These bricks usually begin as thoughts. “You can’t do this.” “Who are you kidding?” “Look at yourself. You’re nothing like you’re supposed to be.” “You can’t do this. It’s too hard. You’re too old. Just give up. It’s too late to start this, now.” “Everyone else is excelling so much quicker than you are. Why even try?” “You’re never going to make it.” “ooo, that’s uncomfortable, better not do that.”
Newsflash: If it was comfortable, everyone would be doing it.
This road we’re on, it isn’t easy. We’re gonna face these bricks that try and hit us in the face and make us give up. Don’t let them.  If you do, you’ll also find the bricks of regret. 
Keep pressing forward. 
You got this. You can do this. It may take longer, but it’ll be worth it.
Fight for what your heart is telling you.
It’s worth it.
It turns out, I didn’t rip my pointe shoes off and throw them out the window. Sure, I fought tears the entire class and slipped a few not-so-good words, but I didn’t walk out. I didn’t give up. I may have been weak this class–for whatever reason–but I didn’t give up.
I can identify this weakness, address it, and work harder next class.
I’m too determined to quit. 
In fact, I would think quitting would be more painful than enduring.
Keep Fighting.

Mental Strength.

Jilissa has been hitting a certain topic recently.
“Your mind is stronger than your body.”
And, boy, is she right.

I thought I understood this before, but I’m really starting to understand it now.
I have a long way to go. I need to get stronger. I need more flexibility. I need better arches.
All these things I need to work on daily to get to where I’m heading, and sometimes it seems impossible.
My pointe shoes are giving me a really difficult time. My right foot’s big toe gets crammed and starts hurting at the joint really badly. It scares me, I don’t want to press through something if it’s going to be detrimental in the long run. At the same time, I don’t want to make excuses for something I just have to press through.
I noticed the truth in Jilissa’s statement yesterday.
After point class, I noticed the joint didn’t hurt so much, and my arch was feeling like it got more work into it.
These are both great things.
So as we started learning new and complex things I can’t physically do (yet) I kept reminding myself to try my hardest and do it right, even if it didn’t look the best. Don’t cheat and make bad habits from the beginning. Work up to it.
When I didn’t think I could do something, I would just shove the doubt out of the way and try.
It’s amazing what you can do when you tell yourself you can.

I have a lot of improvement that needs to be done, but at least I’m seeing it.
No excuses.
No, “I can’t.”
Those two words are going to be removed from my ballet vocabulary.

I’m only going up from here.