It takes dedication to see the difference.

My dance teacher has been gone here and there this summer.
In her place, sometimes we have Sarah T teach us.
I really love it when we get her as a sub, because she understands where we are and she has a great way of explaining things. Sometimes a different point of view can help substantially.

In these classes, she has taught me many things I have wanted to blog about, but I get so excited that I forget to remember them… It makes me really mad, because they are wonderful life lessons and she’s inadvertently showing me how to be a better person.
One thing that is undeniable is her dedication.
She is a living example that if you’re dedicated, you’ll see the difference.
She also takes us where we are, challenges us to push harder, but understands if there’s a reason we have to slow down. She doesn’t let you just sit in excuses, but gives you the balance when something may not be functioning as well.

I have a hard time with my circulation. I forget to breathe or don’t breathe correctly, and it affects my performance. I’m trying to build up my endurance, and have to start very small. Usually, this embarrasses me enough to avoid it, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to get serious. That’s gonna take doing new things, which I’m scared of.
Exposure, accountability, endurance.
These three things are happening, and I’m on my way to becoming the best me I have ever been.

Also, I’m being challenged to improve the things I already know how to do. To really get a taste of the difficulty ballet can pose. And I’m concurring. I’m improving and pushing through to be better.

I really appreciate Sarah and her way of life. It’s a great example to show me that it’s possible to do these things I desire.

update

Thought I broke my foot, but I didn’t.
I was coming out of a fouette turn, and heard something pop in the center of my foot. I didn’t think much of it, because it didn’t hurt, but the next day I noticed it was swollen. I took a picture of it to show to my dance friend and saw it was bruised.
Great.
Went and got x rays, and turns out it’s not broken.
Okay…
so, what do I do?
I can’t afford to skip another dance class. If I want to improve, I have to dedicate as much time as I can to this.
What did I do?
I was stubborn and went to dance class.
And wouldn’t you know it, the arch on that foot is so beautiful now!!
I wish I could do the same thing to my other foot so they match.
I’m guessing whatever that pop sound was helped my arch in some way.
Go figure.

Last week was a rough week in class, but Monday’s class went wonderfully. I’m feeling really good about it all and was able to keep up. I’m hoping this is an oncoming trend.

Universal

Jilissa was explaining to us the importance of technique the other day.
She mentioned how if you’re taught correctly, you can go anywhere in the world, and make it in their class.

I realized another reason why I love ballet.

Ballet, like love, is universal.
You may not speak the same language, you may not know the persons name, you may have no other connection, but those are two things that are the same everywhere.

My heart is full.

Today was rough.
My left leg (which is usually my good leg) felt fake.
My right leg oddly did well.
My brain felt like it wasn’t there at all
Seriously, like I couldn’t recognize anything above my neck. It felt blank.
What the heck has gotten into me?
I got really frustrated in class, and felt so horrible for it, because I couldn’t explain what had me so…just, off.
I ended up going up to Jilissa afterwards and apologizing. I don’t know what my deal is.

Why can’t I get these simple moves I should know?
Why do I so overwhelmingly feel like I’m so far behind on where I should be?
Why does it feel so impossible?

I found myself actually considering quitting.
Why not?
Life is insane and all over the place.
I can’t be everything to everyone as it is.
Worst part is, I don’t want to be. I’m so much happier when I’m not. But then I feel so guilty, I don’t know what to do about it.

I just want to dance.
I want to commit.
I don’t want everything else getting in the way.
I want to dance and take pictures.
And be happy.

Not that the rest of my life is bad, because it’s not.
But I just want to do this…

Why does it feel like even though I’ve done everything “right” in life (the way I was told to, I don’t do “bad” things. I did everything i’m supposed to) I seem to be the most out of place. It seems like everyone who did these wrong things that I was seemingly wise enough to avoid are the ones that have found themselves in the place we’re supposed to be through them.

Where did I go wrong?
What the heck am I supposed to do?

I feel numb today. Seriously, like my left leg is fake and my mind isn’t me.
I just hope this goes away soon.