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Emilee

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Today was rough.
My left leg (which is usually my good leg) felt fake.
My right leg oddly did well.
My brain felt like it wasn’t there at all
Seriously, like I couldn’t recognize anything above my neck. It felt blank.
What the heck has gotten into me?
I got really frustrated in class, and felt so horrible for it, because I couldn’t explain what had me so…just, off.
I ended up going up to Jilissa afterwards and apologizing. I don’t know what my deal is.

Why can’t I get these simple moves I should know?
Why do I so overwhelmingly feel like I’m so far behind on where I should be?
Why does it feel so impossible?

I found myself actually considering quitting.
Why not?
Life is insane and all over the place.
I can’t be everything to everyone as it is.
Worst part is, I don’t want to be. I’m so much happier when I’m not. But then I feel so guilty, I don’t know what to do about it.

I just want to dance.
I want to commit.
I don’t want everything else getting in the way.
I want to dance and take pictures.
And be happy.

Not that the rest of my life is bad, because it’s not.
But I just want to do this…

Why does it feel like even though I’ve done everything “right” in life (the way I was told to, I don’t do “bad” things. I did everything i’m supposed to) I seem to be the most out of place. It seems like everyone who did these wrong things that I was seemingly wise enough to avoid are the ones that have found themselves in the place we’re supposed to be through them.

Where did I go wrong?
What the heck am I supposed to do?

I feel numb today. Seriously, like my left leg is fake and my mind isn’t me.
I just hope this goes away soon.

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