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I just posted a super difficult blog post that I’ve been trying to write for a few months. I also thought about waiting until the summer to post it, but feel that now is the best time. The details are there, but essentially this is my last year teaching. I also won’t be active on this account anymore. It’ll remain live, as will my blog, but I won’t be checking in on it. This has been an extremely difficult decision to have to come to, but it’s one I can’t avoid anymore. If you’d like to keep up with me, please feel free to follow my personal account @emileeayers or my poetry account @forthestranger (or my “nerd” account if you’re into that, @thenerdjacket ) I love y’all so much and am super grateful for the friends I’ve made over the years through ballet. Super proud of y’all and everything you’re accomplishing every day. (Thanks to Mrs Gigi for this picture from nutcracker this year. It’s super special to me.)
I’ll have a proper post after the trip when I can blog. I’m the meantime, please enjoy this photo of @ballerinakay that I am properly obsessed with. ❤️
Two years ago today, I met @allie_on_pointe in person! In NINE DAYS we’re going to London together! I truly cherish the friends being in the dance world as an adult has given me. ❤️
Caught the train, heading back to hogwarts. See you witches (and wizards) there!
The dance season started up this week! My classes started today, and I wrote a blog post about it. Now I’m gonna go sleep. Link in bio
I was at a Harry Potter convention this weekend with my best friend and had an unexpected ballet encounter. I wrote about it if that’s your sort of thing. Link in the bio. 💛🖤

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Today was rough.
My left leg (which is usually my good leg) felt fake.
My right leg oddly did well.
My brain felt like it wasn’t there at all
Seriously, like I couldn’t recognize anything above my neck. It felt blank.
What the heck has gotten into me?
I got really frustrated in class, and felt so horrible for it, because I couldn’t explain what had me so…just, off.
I ended up going up to Jilissa afterwards and apologizing. I don’t know what my deal is.

Why can’t I get these simple moves I should know?
Why do I so overwhelmingly feel like I’m so far behind on where I should be?
Why does it feel so impossible?

I found myself actually considering quitting.
Why not?
Life is insane and all over the place.
I can’t be everything to everyone as it is.
Worst part is, I don’t want to be. I’m so much happier when I’m not. But then I feel so guilty, I don’t know what to do about it.

I just want to dance.
I want to commit.
I don’t want everything else getting in the way.
I want to dance and take pictures.
And be happy.

Not that the rest of my life is bad, because it’s not.
But I just want to do this…

Why does it feel like even though I’ve done everything “right” in life (the way I was told to, I don’t do “bad” things. I did everything i’m supposed to) I seem to be the most out of place. It seems like everyone who did these wrong things that I was seemingly wise enough to avoid are the ones that have found themselves in the place we’re supposed to be through them.

Where did I go wrong?
What the heck am I supposed to do?

I feel numb today. Seriously, like my left leg is fake and my mind isn’t me.
I just hope this goes away soon.

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