Small Studio

I may have mentioned before, but on Tuesdays–now that I stay through both hours of the VI’s class–I noticed that the small studio was open while Julie had the advanced Jazz class in the big studio. I asked Ms. Munro if I could use it to work on things when no one was in it. She was all for it.
So yesterday, Adrienne and I utilized this opportunity last night to work on some things we had seen and also some things we had never truly been shown.
(I don’t really want too many people to do this, because then it could become some kind of class, and therefore require payment for using the studio space. But having someone there to work with is beneficial.)

It was beneficial, too, because Ms. Munro kept popping in and out of the studio to get to the back storage closet, so we were able to ask her questions about the different steps we were working on, and she wanted to see our progress.

We worked on a tombe, coupe, jete step that neither of us had been taught. (Annika and Jessica had worked with me on showing it to me at Feast of Sharing, but I didn’t really know it enough to do it in class when it was one of the things we worked on yesterday.) Ms. Munro explained what we should think about (it’s one of her favorite steps) and a few pointers on it and let us go to town.
While working on this, I realized how terrible my jete’s really are. But now that I know, I can make an effort to work towards getting them better. I think part of the issue is being afraid to plie on my longer leg, since I got so used to it piercing in pain. It has been improving, now that I stay away from grande plies and jumps (which sucks, but if it helps I’ll do it.) (And also, I do them in pieces, so that’s good) but it’s still ingrained in me to be afraid. I have to break through that, and take the pain as it comes but not expect it.

Adrienne helped me tremendously on my chaine turns. I never properly learned them, and have trouble with spotting. We got substantial progress on these (Ms. M popped in and helped a bit as well) so now I don’t look like a fool as much. Honestly, confidence is half the work. If you can go forward without second guessing, you’re more likely to be successful. Now that I know what it’s supposed to feel like, I feel like I can more confidently approach them. (I need to truly get the feel en pointe, though, cause we worked in flat shoes.)

Adrienne worked on really getting the hang of fouette turns. She really didn’t have a struggle–the girl’s a natural. She tried them and succeeded first try, and I was able to film it and show her how they looked. Now she just needs to get nit-picky like the rest. I’m really proud of her. She’s really grown so much since I first met her. It’s as though everything is clicking and she’s really nailing these things. I’m especially glad we got the opportunity to work together yesterday. It helps to have someone there who will compliment you when you need it, and critique you when you need it.
And really, we all need to take a moment to remember where we started and how far we’ve come in such a short amount of time.
I may get critical of myself and see how far I have to go, but Adrienne pointed out to me how far I’ve come just since being at Munro’s. We always have farther to go, more to learn, but we can’t forget to remember the progress hard work has brought us through.

Keep working hard, and you’ll get there.

(Oh. and we were working on the 6’s recital yesterday. We had to change a bit of the placement, so I ended up in the front. I half-expected Julie to switch me with Jessica or Adrienne, who were next to me, but she didn’t. In turn, I also ended up in a group of four with Annika, Alex, and Sean. WHAT IS LIFE. so, I really need to work on my jete’s, because I have to do them after the two girls and I don’t want to look like a derp. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to get this opportunity. I’m really hoping I can rise to the expectations, and beyond grateful that she’s starting recital now so I can learn these things while I’m still here, before work takes over my life for a hot second.)

Nutcracker 2015, first weekend

We made it through our first weekend of performances.

I did Rat Queen and Petit Fleur on Saturday night and just Petit Fleur on Sunday.
My body decided this would be a super fun time to not like food, so that got really cute really quickly. I somehow managed, though, and made it through.

It was a really fun weekend. I did Rat Queen the best I’ve ever done it, though I could still improve more. Jessica is so good at it, it’s kind of difficult to match it. But I didn’t miss anything or fall out of the lift or anything like that, so that was good. I have one more chance to do it, and I’m excited. (two if you count the rehearsal I probably have.)

We had school shows on Friday, which is where I did my messing up. It wasn’t that bad, or all that noticeable, so I just kinda roll with it. The kids are great. One of them told me I looked like a clown, which I got a good laugh out of. (In my petit fleur costume, even.) Some of them just came right up and hugged you, which made me a puddle on the floor. It’s really cool to see their faces light up.

One of the nights, when we came out to begin finale, you could hear a child somewhere near the front gasp and say, “Look! The flowers!” It definitely made the smile on my face real and made me feel good. Sometimes it can feel pretty monotonous, being a petit fleur. It’s nice to be reminded that every role matters from someone who is out in the audience.

The Clara’s for this weekend completely rocked the role. I was so proud to watch them and found myself with chills, even after seeing it for the umpteenth time. They worked so hard and completely embodied the role, you couldn’t help but feel something.

This year, I haven’t really been in the dressing rooms much, which can be kinda lame, or kinda great. It’s definitely great. I love getting to see the hard work come to life, and also get to take pictures of and support my friends in their various roles.
There’s something about show season that is extra special over the regular dancing season. Classes are great and learning and growing is important, but getting to put on a production with your friends who share the same love as you is something hard to describe. This really is my family; the one I chose for myself. They are there to support me and help me when I need it. They laugh with me and cry with me. They love me, and I obviously love them. Even the difficult members, haha.

We have this one life, and this is part of it. It’s not just about accomplishing something, but about all the steps it takes to get there. A story with just a beginning and an end doesn’t make for very interesting reading. What makes it great is the middle–the journey. This is that middle part, the dash between the dates of when we’re born and when we die. We get to choose how to fill it an how we handle the things that come at us. We are creating now the stories we will tell when we’re old and grey, or even just in a few years when we look back on these ballet years. These people are the names we will say to those listening. the ones we’ll write about in memoirs. Obviously, not all of them, but the ones that truly matter to us. You never know who someone is going to become. They could be the next Margot Fonteyn or The Beatles for all you know. Or you could be. Who’s to say that won’t be so? We are living history.

I’m going to be really sad when this show is over, but I’ll look forward to the Spring show. I want to take every opportunity to be with and around my dance friends that I can–they make me feel alive. I think the hardest part of this new job is knowing how much of that I’m going to have to sacrifice, and the reality that my body just isn’t cooperating like I need it to be. I’m trying not to worry about the future now. I’m not there yet. Who knows what will happen between today and the days ahead?

Here are some pictures from this last weekend’s shows and rehearsals.

Lauren, Clara on Saturday night

“foot five” from when I learned how to really tie my shoes.

Abarrane killing it

Eloise, elegant as always

View from the stage

I don’t know why this always twists, but oh well. My feet on the left, Abarrane’s on the right.
I was given these polaroids and decided to take them entirely of Nutcracker things. They came out really well, I’d say.
This one is of me and Mariela. I love it

Dressing room, featuring Sheridan.

Sleeping Shrub

Abarrane and I

Watching rehearsals. In aw.

Shrub and Lauren!

This was from Katerina’s birthday party between school shows and rehearsal. So. Much. Fun.

Dressing room, featuring Adrienne.

Allison as snow backstage

Abarrane

Mariela

Allison, Lauren, and Annika

Lauren and I

Abarrane and Lauren

My sweet Lillian came and got some great pictures backstage. It’s so nice to actually be in the pictures for a change!

Ms. Heidi

(Thanks for this one, Shrub)

Maddie

Gabby

Alyssa as Clara from Sunday night

Elizabeth as Snow Queen

Cheyaaaaanne!

Eloise, Elizabeth, me and Abarrane

Adrienne and me

For real though

Emerson had to drop out because of torn ligaments, but was able to be our Nutcracker at the end of the show! We were all so glad to have her!

Mariela and me

Alyssa and me after her Clara night
Alyssa as Clara

Mariela in Spanish

the angels (melt)

Snow

A girl scout troop from Portland got to meet some of us backstage after Sunday’s show. They were absolutely adorable, and asked questions about the show and Ms. Munro showed them the stage and how the curtains fly in and out and the lights and everything that goes into making the show. Some asked how old you have to be to dance en pointe and how it even happens and what the shoes do to help. I asked if they wanted to feel the shoes, and explained what they were made out of. They were in awe. As they were leaving, one of the adults asked me if it was easier to get en pointe when you’re older or younger. I told her both had their pros and cons. That your feet are stronger when your older, which makes some things easier, but when you’re younger, you’re fearless. Risk is easier. And you have to be able to take risks. I told them I was twenty-five when I started and they were pretty shocked to hear I was twenty-seven and only danced 4 years. I told them about Annika, and how she has only done ballet for 4 years and she’s Clara. It’s never too late. You have to want it and be willing to work hard. 
One of the girls takes classes at Munro, and she was thrilled to get to be on the stage and see everything. We turned around to see her dancing and spinning and just losing herself on the stage, having the time of her life.

This is what it’s about.

This past week

Mrs. Alex wasn’t in class on Wednesday, so we had a sub. I ended up sneaking out towards the end, embarrassed by the fact I couldn’t do what she was asking. She was teaching more on the advanced side and I could do it—or at least try it—on flat, but on pointe it was impossible. It is a bit frustrating to have the class taught to a level farther than what we are capable of (and more so when most of the class is the lower level) but I understand with subs its hit and miss. (And not all the time.) She didn’t know me. She didn’t know I’m an adult and incapable of “just try” ing like the younger girls in my level. They rocked it and learned and tried, but I can’t do that. My body doesn’t always let me. Or it’s an addition onto something I have yet to master, even if the other girls have. Which I just have to accept, and know when to pick my battles. It was okay, I know where I stand and know what I need to do and have a plan on how to achieve it.
I had to miss Saturday’s rehearsal due to a wedding I was booked to shoot. It was laid out oddly, so I was actually able to swing by the downtown studio for a bit of the Rat Queen rehearsal. I was really grateful to get to see it one more time. It also worked out as Ms. Munro needed a couple pictures for the Beeville shows and I had my camera on me and was able to get them.
Sunday’s rehearsal went relatively smooth. We figured out a solution to the missing Petit Fleur issue (we being not us, just to clarify. Mrs. Alex and Ms. M are rockstars. Especially with how chaotic this year’s casting has become) and were able to help Ileana learn the extra role and Hannah and/or Nina did well switching spots (so well I couldn’t tell who actually switched.) Now we should be able to clean it up.
They didn’t have the air on, and there’s this fun thing my body likes to do where if I get too hot, I get sick. (My sister is opposite. If she gets too cold, she gets sick) I tend to have to be able to feel air blowing, but I try not to think about it because sometimes if I don’t think about it I can trick my body into not reacting. But it went a little too long Sunday, and I felt it hit while we were at the barre. I tried to ignore it, but by the time we started running rehearsals, my face felt really hot and Mariela said I looked red. This is a good sign, because if I’m pale it means fever, so I knew it was probably just the being-too-hot thing. I had to step outside for a bit to feel the air flow, and still felt pretty crummy. I knew chances were once we started dancing I’d forget about it, so I tried to hold out. Elizabeth showed me where in the studio you could feel the air blowing most so I stood there during corrections. Everyone was a bit hot, and Elizabeth found one of the Spanish fans to fan herself with after running Sugar Plum. She came over and stood next to me so I could get some of the air too, which I really appreciated. She is so good to me.
(Sometimes I sit back and am blown away by the quality of people I have in my life now. I got so used to having people who leave me or just want to use me that to have kind people who stick around, it’s still kind of shocking at times. I’m super grateful.)
We had another flower roll her ankle. I haven’t heard yet what the final verdict is, but hopefully it’s something she has time to come back from and can still dance in the show.  I got home that night and was putting stuff away in my house when I misjudged and hit my toe on a suitcase. Ten years ago, I hit this same toe on a suitcase wheel in Paris and broke it. I hobbled around Paris and London when we continued on there. It was super cute. It’s the toe next to the pinkie toe, which always blows my mind. Why this one? Why not the toe farthest on the end? How did that one escape injury again?(Maybe because it’s hunched over from when it too was broken when I was 13 and hiked on it not realizing. *shrug*)
I’m not going to lie; I sat on my bed and cried. I was terrified it was broken. That I, too, had become the next victim of the falling flowers and would have to be replaced by God-knows-who since we’re officially out of spares. It didn’t swell, and the bruise is only on top, so I convinced myself to calm down and got an ice pack for it. In the morning, you could see it was bruised, but only a little bit. I can bend it, but I could bend my pinkie toe as well when it was broken. I could point my foot, so I decided I’d go to class and at least try barre and see what happened. I told my teacher, Ms. Catherine, and she said, “You just can’t catch a break, can you?” I wanted to thank her.  So often these things will happen and my head tells me that I’m just being dramatic and should push through things and suck it up, when really I should take my time with them, even if it seems to be all the freaking time.
I could releve, but only if my weight stayed completely over the big toe. I could plie, but gingerly where I kept pressure off of it. I could point my toe, but only if it was slow enough to be careful so I ended up doing half the stuff rather flexed on that foot, and nixed the releve on the other. It was frustrating.
I skipped the second half of class, afraid of jumping on it, and skipped Jazz V. It made me sad, but I’d rather be safe—especially with Nutcracker at risk.
With perfect timing, I received my shirt I ordered from Marissa Milele which says, “Never Give Up!” When I emailed her to order it she told me to send her a picture, so I had one of my friends get a picture of it and send it to her.

She’s so great. So kind and encouraging. And I love this shirt. I think it’s a mantra I can really get behind.

I’m still going to class tonight, mainly because I told Adrienne I would help her work on fouette’s after ballet. Plus, I can watch and learn that way. Get it in my brain and all. 
Hopefully my toe will be okay by the weekend on next week. It really doesn’t look that bad. 
All else fails, if I can hike on a broke toe, I can dance on one right?
(Kidding.)
(Maybe.)

(also, just re-read this and it reads really funny. Like it’s just notes of what all I really wanted to say. I’ve been in a funk, I guess, and keep embarrassing myself. So anyone who encounters me right now, my apologies. I’m a mess and not saying the right things and blah)

Personal.

I’ve been having a pretty rough time in some things in my personal life, which hasn’t had too much of an effect on dance, thankfully, but yesterday took the cake.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am to be in the studio I am.
I had a panic attack during the day, and then the entire drive to the studio. (Hi, being real with y’all.) It was so bad that I knew I wouldn’t be able to sit in the foyer with the kids without questions. I couldn’t act happy to get through like I usually do. I couldn’t fake this. I was too broken. Instead, I went and sat in the office. I walked in and Ms. Munro and Mrs. Alex were there. I told them I just wanted to hide out until class and they looked concerned. They asked what happened and I couldn’t speak because the tears wouldn’t go away from my throat and I had to just sit there for a second. I managed to get it out and cried a little and told Mrs. Alex if I just randomly broke down in her class this was why.

I considered not going to dance at all, but I knew I wanted to be there. This is the day I really needed to go. I wanted to pound my feet into the floor rhythmically, and tap was the perfect solution to that. I was able to be composed enough to play it off (well enough at least) in tap and having the moves to focus on was a great distraction. We worked on this one thing that’s a Moxie Ford with an extra beat. I didn’t it once, and then couldn’t seem to get it again. If I thought about it, I couldn’t do it. It was frustrating. I realized I was on the brink of another panic attack, I guess perpetually, so I had to calm myself down without anyone knowing. Thankfully, it’s tap class, so stomping into the ground is encouraged. Throughout the class I started sort of grasping the concept of the extra step, but I still can’t seem to connect it. I’ll get it eventually. I really want to get better at tap. I like it. I wish I had more time outside of class to work on stuff to improve.

Mrs. Alex’s class went well. Barre felt really good, even if it didn’t at the time. Does that make sense? She pushed us out of our comfort zone, which was great. She showed me how to make my arms more fluid, which I really appreciate because I’ve wondered what’s the correct way to do it versus which will make my arms look lazy and flat. I’m really gonna be working on implementing that.
My toes hurt in pointe, but part of it was that I had worked them so much the day before and they were still a bit raw. Another part was that I put that hole in my toe pad, so they were almost irrelevant. (Except for the space they take up in the shoe that I need.) I have new toe pads waiting for me in the mail, so I should be okay by next class. (If I have time to sew my shoes.)
I struggled across the floor. We did things in center that were new and semi-difficult, and I was able to attempt them, so that was nice. I didn’t do it full out since I’m not 100% sure how okay my knee is right now, but I grasped the concept and I tried. Across the floor I started to feel overwhelmed again. Mrs. Alex was kind and didn’t call me out on it or anything. I really appreciated Adrienne. Everyone else was either struggling just as much, or working on it themselves or whatever. There was one part that was simple, yet I couldn’t grasp it. I didn’t even mark it because I didn’t understand it so I watched to try and figure it out. I was considering not even trying it. Adrienne figured out how to do it, then took the time to come back and explain it to me. She gave me the boost I needed to feel confident enough to try it. She has no idea how much I appreciate that. (And because I’m a sensitive mess right now, I’m crying just remembering her kindness.) (so that’s cute.)
The last thing we did across the floor, I just couldn’t get. It was simple enough, but a bit too fast for me. It involved pique turns, which I had worked on the day before, but knew I wasn’t fast enough for what it required. I tried it to the right, but to the left I didn’t. I took off my shoes. I almost panicked after the time I did try, because I’m all on edge and all, so I went into the corner and just tried to breathe. A few of the girls asked if I was okay, and I just nodded. I couldn’t hid it. But I know I’ll be okay eventually.

Mrs. Rowland told me that I looked really beautiful in class today. Which shocked me with how rough I was feeling. But I appreciate her words. And her constant support. I love that whole family.

I can’t express how much I appreciate the kindness of my peers. They don’t have to be nice to me. They can leave me to figure things out for myself if they wanted. A lot of dancers would. A lot of dance teachers wouldn’t let you sit and cry in the office about things no one has control over. Mine are patient with me, and understanding. They don’t look down on me because I’m overwhelmed, they support me.

I wish I had taken a picture on my phone of the polaroid from last night. It’s golden.

I’m skipping dance tonight. One of the dance mom’s asked me to take her daughter to So You Think You Can Dance in San Antonio since she had surgery recently and can’t. I’m really excited. I didn’t think I’d get to go again, but it worked out. I’ll get home late and more than likely be dead tired, but it’ll be worth it. Plus to get to hang out with Judy will be really fun.

So if you’re the praying type, please be praying for me. I trust God completely and I know whatever is ahead for me is well worth what I’m going through now. I just need to be able to get through it.

Nutcracker Casting 2015

The day is upon us.
That fateful day when our Assistant Director walks in the door clutching the very thing dreams are made of.
It also happens to be the crusher of dreams.
For me, it’s just, “meh.”

(Okay, not meh but way less exciting than for the younger girls.)
(Or… so I thought.)

If you have been following along in my ballet story, you will know that there were certain roles that I was hoping for. These were goals I had set out to accomplish, hoping it would give me a leg up for Swan Lake, which is really what I want to accomplish.
I knew going into it that in the hierarchy that is Nutcracker, my next role in line would be Petit Fleur. After that, Lilac, and after that, Rose. Typically, if you’re a flower at all, you’re also snow. My goal was to pass up Petit Fleur–which is typically more posing than dancing–and go to Lilac. It was a stretch, but the summer felt promising and I was really improving. Ms. Munro has been watching me. I was allowed to take the VI’s class, which I wasn’t expecting but was very exciting.

The list goes up. I step to the back and let the girls see first. I hear squeals and everyone looks at Annika. She got Clara! We weren’t expecting that, since she’s so good, so I went forward to see who the Clara’s were. And it’s a fabulous group of them–really strong dancers that will impress this year. Annika, Lauren, Alyssa, and Maddison. I’m so beyond thrilled for these girls. I feel some of them may have felt they missed their shot last year when the age range for Clara’s went down so much, but this year it’s their time to shine, and shine they will.

I glanced at the Lilacs. I glanced at the Lilacs continued page.
My name wasn’t there.
I looked at Petit Fleur.
Bingo.

My heart sank a little bit.
I think I knew deep down I wouldn’t get to skip up, but it was given hope when in Oz I was doing the same roles as one of the girls that level above me, and doing them well, and then also when I was allowed into VI’s. Not to mention, everyone telling me I could totally do it. I was sad, but I tried not to show it. I stepped back and waited to look where everyone else ended up.
Emerson came back to me and said she was Petit Fleur and Snow. I was glad to know at least I’m with my girls again. They really make it fun. I asked if she saw my name for Snow, and she said she didn’t.
Wait, what? Usually when you’re one, you’re both? I asked one of the other girls from my class, and she was also both. Why am I not both? I can totally do both. What gives?
Whatever. I’ll look at the list when people file out a bit more. Maybe she just didn’t see it. It’s no big deal. I’ll have fun regardless.
At this point, I’m not like, freaking out or anything. I’m not upset or mad or whatever. Just kinda there.
I’m watching all the other girls find out their roles and watching their reactions, which is a welcomed distraction in my waiting.
Then Annika comes up to me and says, “Emilee! You’re Rat Queen!”
WHAT.
I just looked at her. I asked, “Are you sure?” and she said, “I mean, pretty sure!”

I find my way to the board and try to find where Rat Queen is listed.
Sure enough, there’s my name.
Sharing with Jessica, one of the best dancers in the studio.
(And also someone that has been really inspiring for me. Her work ethic is insane, and I’ve gotten to watch the results that come from it. It gives me the motivation to work hard, knowing it’ll happen for me too in time. I really appreciate having her in class.)
So then I’m freaking out.
That’s why I’m not Snow. I’m freakin’ Rat Queen!!
I remember last year hearing someone complain about being this role. (why do people always complain about the roles I am?) And I remember sitting in the seats and hearing her and thinking, “Give it to me, if you don’t want it. This role is awesome!”
It’s an absolute blast.
You have on the giant rat head, and get to be super sassy, and interact with the Rat King and Nutcracker and the other rats and rat princesses and mice and stuff.
Did I mention I get to be sassy?
I’m really excited to get to be sassy.

The more that this set in, the more I was really pleased with my casting.
Especially with what the doctor had told me earlier that day:
We got into discussion about my knees hurting. I told her the whole happenings with the chiropractor and my back and my legs being uneven and showed her the xrays and she asked me questions about it and I answered them. I told her how they told me 3 1/2 years ago that I had arthritis and sent me for physical therapy. She asked if they mentioned my leg being longer then, and I told her no.
She examines my knee. Asked if this and that hurt, which it didn’t. She poked here and there, and again no pain. She asked where the pain was, and I told her it shoots under the knee cap. It typically doesn’t hurt when it’s at rest, but with use and during class when I plie a lot. She looks at the right knee and pokes this one part. “You can see the right knee is swollen. See this? That’s fluid.”
Oh.
So it’s not arthritis, I have fluid on my knee.
She wants to get an MRI and look into it more. I’m glad she is so invested in me and interested in all of the issues instead of just surface or what I tell her. She investigates, and she cares that I get better.

So, no. I’m not Lilac. I’m not even Snow. But the roles I have will be really good for my knee (Even though Petit Fluer is a lot of kneeling) and will help, I think.
And that doesn’t mean that I’m out of the running for Swan Lake.
I’m also not guaranteed. And I think my knee will be a big deciding factor.
I asked Mrs. Alex if she thought it would be more the older girls or if I had a shot, and she said it’s very uncertain right now.
Time will tell.
Meanwhile, I’ll work my hardest, do my best, and take it as it comes. If it doesn’t happen, I just have to accept it. This can be difficult as my entire life seems to have been  a constant battle of barely missing the mark and having to be happy for my friends as I watch them enjoy what I can’t have–for whatever reason. There’s been times it’s been wrongful exclusion from politics. This isn’t that. But it’s still rough. I felt it last year, I feel it now, but it’s okay. Now I just take a moment I need to grieve the fact I missed the mark, then I pull myself up and get over it, working my hardest to be the best I can. I also try and make the most of the situation.
What people don’t realize is that I’m so inclusive because I’ve known exclusion my whole life. And the times someone included me was a game changer. People think I must have such a wonderful and perfect history since I’m so nice and kind or whatever, but really it’s the opposite. I’ve known great loss and pain and injustice, so I do the best I can to help others through it. I try to be what I wish I would have had.
There are times when it’s just a lesson the person needs to learn, and that’s fine. But when I can lessen the blow, I try my best to do so. I’m also human and imperfect and will still miss the mark, but I’ll give my best effort in what I know and take the lessons as chances to learn and grow.
(I’m not snow, so no snow secret santa for me. But I’m trying to scheme up ways I can still have fun and make someones day in secret. Hehehe)

TL;DR
I’m really excited to be with my girls in Petit Fluer, and really super excited about Rat Queen.
I told my parents, and they were really excited that I get to use my drama skills with this. Like, Dad legitimately sounded excited.
(I really want to prance around in the costume.)
(PLUS I get to hang out with the kids!)
(and this means I’ll be able to take pictures of snow again!)
(really I can’t lose, y’all.)

SPEAKING OF PICTURES

I stole this from Adrienne’s snapchat. She’s a Maid and we’re pumped about it!

(stolen again)

(and stolen from Annika)

(fun fact, at first I had an excited face when she came up to me with her phone, but she said, “Look dead.” so this came of it.)

(perfect.)

(annika again)

The girls waiting anxiously

It’s blurry but YO HOME GIRL IS RAT QUEEN

And look! they spell it correctly!

So yes.
And I’m really freakin’ excited for Annika. She’s Clara, then also Russian and Spanish on nights she’s not Clara. So it’s new roles for her and really exciting. Plus, I just feel so proud. Like, here’s my baby Shrub, and she’s mine. And we’re from the same studio, and we came here and newbs, and now look at her. And she’s Clara. Two years ago, Nutcracker wasn’t even a thought. And now she’s doing this and all these people are so happy for her and celebrating her and I know how incredibly happy this makes her and it makes me happy. Because she’s so talented and it’s being utilized and she just keeps rising and my heart can’t take all the love! I fear I may burst!

Happy days 🙂

OH!!!!!
And Abarrane is a Mirliton!!!
She wanted this role so badly, and she was feeling pretty crappy at auditions but still managed to rock it anyway. And she got the role and my heart absolutely burst when I heard/saw. I’m so proud of her. She’s worked so hard and proven herself and overcome insurmountable odds to do so. I really hope she’s in class today so I can hug her.