My first fall.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it happened.
I had my first fall from pointe.

It happened during floor work. I’m behind everyone else as it is, but I’m doing the best I can. Thank God my teacher is really understanding and doesn’t make me feel pressured or rushed. Better to do it right.
We were going from the left side doing a pique to front attitude. I don’t even know how it happened but I ended up on my butt.
My reaction?
I burst into laughter.
After the fact, I always laugh at myself in how I’m disappointed no one is laughing with me. But, they’re my friends. And I just fell off my pointe shoe. Why would they laugh? Duh, Emilee. I guess laughing is my automatic response.
I got right back up after laughing and tried it again. I didn’t even think about being afraid until I noticed Jilissa’s concern and direct attention to my next move. This is when I became surprised in myself.
I’m always afraid. I’m always concerned. I always feel things deeply and take them to heart and take a while to shake them. But this time, I just got right back up and kept going.
I guess I’m finally growing up, eh?
When I noticed, I was grateful for Jilissa’s careful concern. It made me feel like trying again was safe; and it was. I always thought my left was my stronger side, but I guess on pointe it’s my right. She even complimented my roll down off pointe on the right side. The car wreck affected my left leg, but in turn I had more issues on my right. I guess with putting all the pressure and over-hyper extending it while over compensating for the injury to the left, it ended up affecting the right more. The right is the one I had to go to physical therapy for.
Well. I guess it worked.

I want to work harder. I want to improve. I want to become stronger and more stable and perfect the craft. And then I want to learn more and perfect that.
I want to dance as often as I can for as long as I can.
Life is to short to sit it out.

Where I’m supposed to be.

Sometimes I don’t even realize I’ve gone so long without writing.

Recently I had been having issues with my darn pointe shoes. I mean, I know they’re supposed to hurt, but should they bring me to tears during class? I mean. I don’t cry. It takes a lot for that to happen. But these shoes managed it.
After a long battle, I have finally gotten to where they’re supposed to be; just the right amount of pain. This is the stuff I can endure. This is the stuff that I can battle through and see the results of my labor.
I’m still behind everyone else, but that’s okay.
I’m also 25, I had an organ removed two months ago, not to mention all the other health issues plaguing me.
I don’t want to make excuses, but I gotta accept reality at times. It is what it is.

Let me tell ya, it feels good to finally be able to do pointe like I’m supposed to be. To be able to fight the fight. To be able to work hard and succeed.
I have a long way to go, but I’ll get there.