Category: pictures

Empty studio

Usually on Tuesdays, I’m only at the studio until about 7pm. This is considered early for me, as most of my classes start at 7 and go til 9. (I get there at 5 because it’s just easier than going home, which is far away. And traffic sucks.) Last night, however, I didn’t leave until after 9.

On Monday, Ms. Munro came up to me during barre and asked what time I could get here the next day. She had a board meeting and no one to man the desk after she left. I told her my class was at 6, but I get here at 5 and I can do it if she’d like. She said not to skip the class (haha) but if I could be there it’d be great. I got there, answered the phones, and manned the desk until Julie’s class started.
There were only 10 people in class, which if I remember correctly was about typical of the 6s last year. The kicker? There’s 30+ people on the roll list.

I was able to do yesterday’s class without my knee brace. I took it easy on the fondus, but I really wanted to at least attempt them so I can get used to it and find my boundaries. I’ve noticed if I work hard to hold my hips square, it doesn’t hurt my knee as much. I also noticed yesterday that it looks as though my shin bone is what’s longer on the right leg. Weird, huh?

Class felt good. It wasn’t too hard, but just enough of a challenge. I noticed myself getting better and stronger when it comes to doing fast frappe’s or degage’s or tondue’s. I still have a lot to work on, but the improvement is nice.

After the hour of barre I stay for, I went back into the office. Andie came in and we looked through recital costumes for her three classes she has. It was quite fun. Looking through all the different options and playing around with music tracks and laughing at the same costume that keeps popping up everywhere. The phone rang a couple times while I was there, but none of the inquiries were complex, so that was nice.

Mia’s class in the pink studio ended at 7:45. Julie had her Jazz class at 7:45 until 8:45.
This got me to thinking.
I could go home, or I could be the one to do all the closing up responsibilities and in the meantime, use the open studio to work on my weaker, shorter leg in my pointe shoes.
(guess which one I chose.)

There’s a portable phone, so I took it with me. No one was in the foyer, no one was there to potentially decide to see what I was doing in the studio. (granted there are curtains I could draw if I wanted. I just forget about them.) I put on some music and just let it play. Starting at the barre, working on doing proper plies and finding how difficult it is to releve en pointe when one leg is shorter and gets there sooner. I did plie releves on my shorter, weaker leg, while holding on to the barre. I did it with the longer, stronger leg as well to see the difference in the two. The shorter leg is impossible to do without the barre, the longer leg is possible but still a bit difficult. (Forget trying to releve without a plie.)
In class on Monday, I realized how much I’ve been struggling to do proper pique turns. They aren’t hard, but I can’t seem to go in a straight line, and I want to make sure I’m plieing enough as well as spotting and holding my arms correctly and having proper alignment and straight knees. I wanted to get more fluid in these, so I can do them quicker as was required in Monday’s V’s class that I struggled with.

My left side is impossible to go straight when turning. I worked and worked and worked on it, trying to make sure everything was being executed exactly as it is supposed to be. It was rough.
I worked on my right side, and noticed I didn’t get on my box all the way. I do for the most part on my left side, but the right is lacking. So I worked on this side for a while, trying to figure out why that was happening and what I could do to improve. I did pique passe’s across the floor to get the proper feel of it as well as placement and staying in a line. I kept switching off between sides, working on this and that. After about 20 minutes, I went back to the barre for more plies and releves. I did them really slowly to get a good feel for the motion and make sure I was rolling through correctly, as well as getting a good, deep plie.
I stretched a bit after and laid there, seeing a cool angle of my pointe shoes, hahaha.

Don’t let the smirk fool you, I’m dead inside.
(But the good kind, ya know.)
(PS. Shirt is from an etsy shop run by dancers. TurningPointeApparel. So great)
I took off my shoes in the office, but not before I got my polaroid of the day from that fun angle of my shoes. Not sure if it came out well or not, I haven’t seen it. hah.
My pinkie toe on my left food is doing this fun thing where it rubs the skin off, kinda, so that’s cute.
Then I noticed that I managed to do this.
That would be a hole in my toe pads.
(thankfully new ones are in the mail)
I watched bits of the Jazz class. Seeing them dance the way they did make me feel all sorts of things. Mainly, that I never want to stop dancing. I want to feel how they must feel while dancing. I want to improve to get to that level.

🙂
He’s a blurry one of my shoes. Ribbons out and all. 

Here’s my feet with Mrs. Alex’s when we were manning the desk. Hehe.
Lalalalalala this is my post and this is the end of it.

Bailando 2015

This weekend marked the 16th annual Bailando Dance Festival at Texas A&M University, Corpus Christi.
It’s, I believe, my 3rd year to attend. My old dance teacher from Instep, Jilissa produces it and it’s hosted by the Corpus Christi Concert Ballet with TAMUCC. There’s three nights of performances, and master classes on Friday and Saturday. The performances on Thursday and Friday are adjudicated based on their choreography and the favorites are put through to the Gala performance on Saturday. Its a great opportunity for choreographers to learn and grow and get insight on how to broaden their thinking.
This years performances were amongst some of the best we’ve seen.
I get to take pictures of the performances and classes, which is really cool. It’s also great because I get to sit in on bits of every class, even if it’s not a style I’m particularly versed in. I learn a lot, and I’m really grateful for it.
I got to take a couple classes on Saturday, the Beginner/Intermediate Ballet with Orlando Julius Canova and the Intermediate/Advanced with Mel Glouchkova.
They were the first classes of the morning, so there weren’t too many people in them. I was glad to take the class and to get corrections from these people who don’t see me every day. On top of that, it was great getting a compliment on something I never knew if I did correctly or not. Orlando told me to watch as to not overcross in my ronde de jambes when they go back, which I never realized I did, so I was able to really watch and think about controlling it better. He also told me to keep my right shoulder down. I figured it was from the back being crooked, one leg longer thing, but I never really noticed how drastic it is. You can actually see it. I tried thinking about keeping that shoulder down, which is actually kind of difficult. The alignement helps me, but its as though my right shoulder is perpetually shrugged a bit. Working to get it even was actually a bit uncomfortable, so I’m not sure if it’s something I should actively attempt to fix or if that would make things worse.
I wish I knew if this could or would ever be fixed or if this is something I just have to deal with the rest of forever. Or even what the heck caused it. All of these things seem to still be up in the air.
There were moments I felt sort of stupid in his class, but I tried to just let it roll off my shoulders. I felt awkward and got a bit embarrassed, but as long as you play it off no one seems to remember. So, whatever.
It was a great class.

Mel’s class was a little more on the advanced side, which I appreciated. She had us do a lot of direction changes, which threw everyone off a bit, but once I got the hang of it, I got it. I struggled a bit in this class, but I think my brain was a bit off for handling it. Still, I tried, and I liked it. I only did barre in her class since I did the full thing in Orlando’s–jumps and all–and my knee was over it. I’m hoping removing the fluid will help and that we can get that done soon. Why is my body so complicated?
I took pictures of the rest of the class, and watching helped solidify the combinations that I struggled with, so that was nice. There were a few things I wanted to work on at home if I can remember them. Maddie came to this class, which made me really happy to have someone from my studio there with me. 🙂

Overall, the event ran really smoothly. I brought Jilissa the “Leslie treatment” (A big Fiji water and a bag of Reese’s) and she hugged me so tight, which was cool. I love getting to help out (we got staff shirts this year!) and knowing that Jilissa can breathe a little easier knowing she can leave me to handle things when she has to be somewhere else makes me feel really good. I’m glad I wasn’t in the way.

At the beginning of the Gala, Jilissa and some others came out and greeted everyone as well as thanking the people who made it possible. She had the choreographers stand up and I saw Ms. Lori was there!! I was so excited I could literally feel my heart getting lighter. Jilissa kept looking in my direction while she spoke to where I wondered if she could actually see me. I tried to keep my face pleasant and encouraging to help give a good audience vibe when she then asks me and the other volunteers to stand up. (By name. She thanked me by name. In front of everyone.) I was in the third row from front so I don’t know who else was there. I didn’t know what to do with my hands or anything, and never really know how to handle those sort of things, but she’s never done that before. Even before that, she seemed really grateful to have me there. It was nice, especially considering she had plenty of people helping without me. Then to have her personally thank me, it was just so nice of her. I love Jilissa so much and have a great respect for her.

At intermission, I was able to go and say hi to Ms Lori before she left back for Austin. She asked about all the girls and told me to send her love and asked about Nutcracker. She was so excited to hear I was Rat Queen, which meant the world to me. She is truly a wonderful person, and I consider myself extremely fortunate to have her in my life, even when she’s far away.
Ms. Munro was sitting next to her and introduced me to a man with her. She then went on to tell him how helpful I was and how much the younger ones love me and all these other really kind things. I’m standing there like, what? compliments? what is life? what do I do with my face? Do I say thank you? Here, have a sarcastic comment because I don’t know what else to do. And it was really nice.

I’m thoroughly exhausted, but my heart is full. I was sad to see this Bailando end. I got to see Abby and met some new friends from Concert Ballet, Frances and Clara, who are both going to be Clara in their Nutcracker. If I don’t have rehearsal I’m going to go see it. 🙂

Here’s a few pictures from the weekend!

Dance Au Deum

Ugh, I love this so much

Jennifer Mabus’ class

My new friends! 

Islaaaaa!

And sweet Lindsey

This piece was done to a strobe light and it was incredible

Misha is goals

MARI YOUR FACE SLAYS ME

Jessica, my fellow Rat Queen! This was her first piece to choreograph herself and she got great critiques! I’m so proud 🙂
I love watching my friends dance. I’m not one to really cry, but if I did it would make me cry. Even without tears, seeing them moves me.

Nutcracker Casting 2015

The day is upon us.
That fateful day when our Assistant Director walks in the door clutching the very thing dreams are made of.
It also happens to be the crusher of dreams.
For me, it’s just, “meh.”

(Okay, not meh but way less exciting than for the younger girls.)
(Or… so I thought.)

If you have been following along in my ballet story, you will know that there were certain roles that I was hoping for. These were goals I had set out to accomplish, hoping it would give me a leg up for Swan Lake, which is really what I want to accomplish.
I knew going into it that in the hierarchy that is Nutcracker, my next role in line would be Petit Fleur. After that, Lilac, and after that, Rose. Typically, if you’re a flower at all, you’re also snow. My goal was to pass up Petit Fleur–which is typically more posing than dancing–and go to Lilac. It was a stretch, but the summer felt promising and I was really improving. Ms. Munro has been watching me. I was allowed to take the VI’s class, which I wasn’t expecting but was very exciting.

The list goes up. I step to the back and let the girls see first. I hear squeals and everyone looks at Annika. She got Clara! We weren’t expecting that, since she’s so good, so I went forward to see who the Clara’s were. And it’s a fabulous group of them–really strong dancers that will impress this year. Annika, Lauren, Alyssa, and Maddison. I’m so beyond thrilled for these girls. I feel some of them may have felt they missed their shot last year when the age range for Clara’s went down so much, but this year it’s their time to shine, and shine they will.

I glanced at the Lilacs. I glanced at the Lilacs continued page.
My name wasn’t there.
I looked at Petit Fleur.
Bingo.

My heart sank a little bit.
I think I knew deep down I wouldn’t get to skip up, but it was given hope when in Oz I was doing the same roles as one of the girls that level above me, and doing them well, and then also when I was allowed into VI’s. Not to mention, everyone telling me I could totally do it. I was sad, but I tried not to show it. I stepped back and waited to look where everyone else ended up.
Emerson came back to me and said she was Petit Fleur and Snow. I was glad to know at least I’m with my girls again. They really make it fun. I asked if she saw my name for Snow, and she said she didn’t.
Wait, what? Usually when you’re one, you’re both? I asked one of the other girls from my class, and she was also both. Why am I not both? I can totally do both. What gives?
Whatever. I’ll look at the list when people file out a bit more. Maybe she just didn’t see it. It’s no big deal. I’ll have fun regardless.
At this point, I’m not like, freaking out or anything. I’m not upset or mad or whatever. Just kinda there.
I’m watching all the other girls find out their roles and watching their reactions, which is a welcomed distraction in my waiting.
Then Annika comes up to me and says, “Emilee! You’re Rat Queen!”
WHAT.
I just looked at her. I asked, “Are you sure?” and she said, “I mean, pretty sure!”

I find my way to the board and try to find where Rat Queen is listed.
Sure enough, there’s my name.
Sharing with Jessica, one of the best dancers in the studio.
(And also someone that has been really inspiring for me. Her work ethic is insane, and I’ve gotten to watch the results that come from it. It gives me the motivation to work hard, knowing it’ll happen for me too in time. I really appreciate having her in class.)
So then I’m freaking out.
That’s why I’m not Snow. I’m freakin’ Rat Queen!!
I remember last year hearing someone complain about being this role. (why do people always complain about the roles I am?) And I remember sitting in the seats and hearing her and thinking, “Give it to me, if you don’t want it. This role is awesome!”
It’s an absolute blast.
You have on the giant rat head, and get to be super sassy, and interact with the Rat King and Nutcracker and the other rats and rat princesses and mice and stuff.
Did I mention I get to be sassy?
I’m really excited to get to be sassy.

The more that this set in, the more I was really pleased with my casting.
Especially with what the doctor had told me earlier that day:
We got into discussion about my knees hurting. I told her the whole happenings with the chiropractor and my back and my legs being uneven and showed her the xrays and she asked me questions about it and I answered them. I told her how they told me 3 1/2 years ago that I had arthritis and sent me for physical therapy. She asked if they mentioned my leg being longer then, and I told her no.
She examines my knee. Asked if this and that hurt, which it didn’t. She poked here and there, and again no pain. She asked where the pain was, and I told her it shoots under the knee cap. It typically doesn’t hurt when it’s at rest, but with use and during class when I plie a lot. She looks at the right knee and pokes this one part. “You can see the right knee is swollen. See this? That’s fluid.”
Oh.
So it’s not arthritis, I have fluid on my knee.
She wants to get an MRI and look into it more. I’m glad she is so invested in me and interested in all of the issues instead of just surface or what I tell her. She investigates, and she cares that I get better.

So, no. I’m not Lilac. I’m not even Snow. But the roles I have will be really good for my knee (Even though Petit Fluer is a lot of kneeling) and will help, I think.
And that doesn’t mean that I’m out of the running for Swan Lake.
I’m also not guaranteed. And I think my knee will be a big deciding factor.
I asked Mrs. Alex if she thought it would be more the older girls or if I had a shot, and she said it’s very uncertain right now.
Time will tell.
Meanwhile, I’ll work my hardest, do my best, and take it as it comes. If it doesn’t happen, I just have to accept it. This can be difficult as my entire life seems to have been  a constant battle of barely missing the mark and having to be happy for my friends as I watch them enjoy what I can’t have–for whatever reason. There’s been times it’s been wrongful exclusion from politics. This isn’t that. But it’s still rough. I felt it last year, I feel it now, but it’s okay. Now I just take a moment I need to grieve the fact I missed the mark, then I pull myself up and get over it, working my hardest to be the best I can. I also try and make the most of the situation.
What people don’t realize is that I’m so inclusive because I’ve known exclusion my whole life. And the times someone included me was a game changer. People think I must have such a wonderful and perfect history since I’m so nice and kind or whatever, but really it’s the opposite. I’ve known great loss and pain and injustice, so I do the best I can to help others through it. I try to be what I wish I would have had.
There are times when it’s just a lesson the person needs to learn, and that’s fine. But when I can lessen the blow, I try my best to do so. I’m also human and imperfect and will still miss the mark, but I’ll give my best effort in what I know and take the lessons as chances to learn and grow.
(I’m not snow, so no snow secret santa for me. But I’m trying to scheme up ways I can still have fun and make someones day in secret. Hehehe)

TL;DR
I’m really excited to be with my girls in Petit Fluer, and really super excited about Rat Queen.
I told my parents, and they were really excited that I get to use my drama skills with this. Like, Dad legitimately sounded excited.
(I really want to prance around in the costume.)
(PLUS I get to hang out with the kids!)
(and this means I’ll be able to take pictures of snow again!)
(really I can’t lose, y’all.)

SPEAKING OF PICTURES

I stole this from Adrienne’s snapchat. She’s a Maid and we’re pumped about it!

(stolen again)

(and stolen from Annika)

(fun fact, at first I had an excited face when she came up to me with her phone, but she said, “Look dead.” so this came of it.)

(perfect.)

(annika again)

The girls waiting anxiously

It’s blurry but YO HOME GIRL IS RAT QUEEN

And look! they spell it correctly!

So yes.
And I’m really freakin’ excited for Annika. She’s Clara, then also Russian and Spanish on nights she’s not Clara. So it’s new roles for her and really exciting. Plus, I just feel so proud. Like, here’s my baby Shrub, and she’s mine. And we’re from the same studio, and we came here and newbs, and now look at her. And she’s Clara. Two years ago, Nutcracker wasn’t even a thought. And now she’s doing this and all these people are so happy for her and celebrating her and I know how incredibly happy this makes her and it makes me happy. Because she’s so talented and it’s being utilized and she just keeps rising and my heart can’t take all the love! I fear I may burst!

Happy days 🙂

OH!!!!!
And Abarrane is a Mirliton!!!
She wanted this role so badly, and she was feeling pretty crappy at auditions but still managed to rock it anyway. And she got the role and my heart absolutely burst when I heard/saw. I’m so proud of her. She’s worked so hard and proven herself and overcome insurmountable odds to do so. I really hope she’s in class today so I can hug her.

That one time we danced in the dark.

Class started out pretty normal.
I had tap, but my tap shoe somehow managed to melt off to where the tap separated from the shoe.
But I didn’t lose the screw?

(It just got worse from here)

So I did tap in ballet shoes, which is a funny concept.
It was hard, but it was fine. Just really had to focus on the feel rather than the sound.
(arms were a joke.)

I think Julie likes having me in there because she knows I can help her when she needs it.
Yesterday, it was helping her write out what three different combos were for the girls who came in late or just struggled so they could practice at home.
(my hand writing is terrible, so this was hard, but they could read it. Bless.)
Class was fun, though. I’m kinda getting the hang of it.
I really enjoy it. My brain works in patterns and rhythms, so it’s a great combination.

My knee has been doing pretty alright. We did the whole class Tuesday en pointe, so the part I was there for was mainly barre. But I did better than I thought I would. I was able to think about my knee and realize where I still need work and what is getting better.

Yesterday barre went pretty well. My knee hurt a few times, but I’m figuring it out. (It’s hard, because letting my hips be uneven makes my back hurt. sigh. The struggle.) We put on our pointe shoes, and most of the things we did weren’t all that invasive. The parts that were, I just skipped and did on demi instead, and did en pointe what I could. The hard part was that it was so fast, so I struggle regardless. I would have been challenge on flat let alone with pointe shoes on.

Although, we had this combination that involved a lot of balancing, and though I’m still not perfect with it with pointe shoes on, I was able to do more than usual. It was a struggle, but it felt good. I was proud.

We had about 30 minutes left in class, marking a combination, when the power went out.
I stood still, heard some of the girls freaking out, and then felt a hand on my arm. One of my friends is really afraid of the dark, so I just stayed with her and reassured her; talking to her to get her mind off of it. About a minute later, the lights came back on.
We continued, and the first group did the combination.
I was part of the second group. We started doing the combination, and–conveniently–right when we get to the part when I realized I couldn’t remember what came next, the power went out again. I couldn’t find my friend, but the lights came back on again, so we started over and just continued on with class.

We learned this variation that mainly had to do with character and direction. We were about to start it when the power went out for a third time! I looked for my friend, but couldn’t find her again, and another one grabbed me and I held her. The power came back on again and I saw that my friend had been in front of me. She said she was okay, and we continued on and did the variation. At this point, we were starting to wonder what we should do about it. We had about seven minutes left in class, so we learned this other combination for across the floor. (Saute, back saute, tombe, pas de bourree, jete, grand jete) I really liked it and how it felt, and asked about the arms cause I kept switching them. I walked back to the corner where we were gonna start. My friend was tucking her ribbons, and I put my hand lightly on her back, and no sooner I did the power went off again. She laughed and grabbed my arm. It was like I knew it was about to switch off again.

This time it stayed off. We had five minutes left and we kinda waited to see what we were going to do. By this time, we had little lantern lights in our studio and the other one and could see at least something. Most of the girls flocked to the light, so I did the combination by myself because I loved it and how it made me feel.
Mrs. Alex had us do saute, jete, jete across the floor one by one twice on both sides. You could hear the girls giggling and from what you could see, they were giving it their all. Something about thinking you aren’t seen and you’re having a blast makes them really come alive.
A few of them had really just shown so much energy as a whole. Adrienne was one of them. She was really giving it her all and you could see it. She was beautiful to watch. And she and Allison had really pretty jete’s, even in the dark.

At the end of class, everyone got out their phones and took pictures of us in the studio in the dark. It ended up being really fun.

Between one of the off-and-on moments, Mrs. Alex told us about a time during a performance when the power went out and she was in the middle of a complex turn sequence. She kept going and when she finished the power came back on. Can you imagine? Talk about nerve wracking.

(This was us leaving the studio, seeing that businesses to our left were out as well, while businesses to the right were fine.)

The studio

I love this so much.

Guest Teacher

As I write this, my friends are in the second class with Ms. Priscilla Nathan-Murphy and i’m at work.
Lame.
But, I’m grateful for the class I did get to take with her yesterday.

Let’s see if I can actually form words to explain how wonderful yesterdays class was.

Elizabeth came to class, so we got to hang out a little before which was nice. They combined the Advanced with the Intermediate, so we were able to take class together, which really made me happy.
It was really nice to get to take with dancers that are at my level or better, but I’ll get to that later.

Ms. Murphy opened class by walking to one of the center barres, which you could see made some of the girls really nervous. She said something (I wish I could remember what!) which made me laugh. I forgot for a second that I was in class with a guest teacher from, ya know, Houston Ballet, and should probably be more serious or whatever, but the laugh slipped out and she pointed at me and said, “Thank you! When I make a joke I like it when people laugh at them!”
Score. I like her already.
This also told me that she’s the type of teacher that likes to have feedback, so I tried to give verbal or visual affirmation when she explained something to show that I understood. Our class tends to be quiet, mostly because they’re taking in all the information and focused on the task at hand.

The combinations she did were very different from what we’re used to. I messed up my fair share of times, and one of the youngest in our class seemed to have a better grasp of the order than me. Poor thing, I scared her once when I said to myself, “oh! backwards.” Apparently it was louder than I thought and I saw her think she was backwards. But she was right. (I told her afterwards. She is a sweet little quiet thing. And adorable. And shows a lot of promise.)
There were a few things I couldn’t really do, but I gave it my best effort. The things I did know that she went over really found a new dimension. If that makes sense.
I knew the step and I knew how to do it, but the way she explained it really showed me the difference in doing the step and really doing the step. It showed me that tiny thing that sets apart the average from the professional. I’ve seen these dances and shot some shows and you see the difference between the levels. And I’ve wondered what it is that makes the difference. Because sometimes you see it and think it’s one thing, but it’s actually a completely different thing that gives the appearance of the thing you think you see.
This is getting confusing.
Point being, it felt really good. Things started setting and clicking and I really liked it.

She was a very hands on teacher. If there was a muscle you weren’t engaging, she would show you which one it was and how to engage it and get the proper alignment, no bars held. A lot of the class is more reserved, and not really sure about this, but she was very professional with it and told us straight out that this is how she teaches. It was never inappropriate. She did it to help us improve, and improve we did.
There was a time she corrected Cheyenne’s alignment, which I was really grateful for because it was the same thing Abby had been showing me last week. I really wanted to see it on someone who has the typical ballet body, since that’s what I’ve been used to seeing lately between editing pictures and seeing my more advanced friends dancing. Seeing it on myself just felt wrong. But before I tore myself up about it, I tried to look at it realistically, and reality is that I am not shaped like these dancers I keep seeing. Thankfully, I’m at a studio where that is okay and I’m accepted for my ability, not my proportions. On me, it felt like I was going too far forward, but when I looked in the mirror I could see that my back was straight. I wanted to see it on someone who isn’t as…endowed…as I am to show myself that it is indeed correct and that it’ll take some adjustment for it to feel like the new correct. Being able to see dancers at my level or higher and kind of compare and contrast in a positive way was really nice. It’s been a while. I like not being the best in the class. Or among the best. I like it to have enough challenge to make me uncomfortable and push me, and also be able to get the visual of it from someone. (I’m such a visual learner.)

She “picked on” a few people, which I think was really good for some of them to see that this prestigious teacher approved of them right where they were.
I was really impressed with how well the little ones kept up. Some of these things were new to and difficult for me, and they managed to go at it with full confidence, doing the best they knew how. These kids really encourage me to not be afraid. There were times they would finish and comment on how badly they messed up, and you could see they were a little upset by it. But I’d just tell them, “You tried and that’s what mattered” which I’m saying as much to myself as to them. Their boldness inspires me. How could I cower in fear when these kids are like, 11, and they’re just as afraid and going out there and trying? Aren’t I, the older one, supposed to be setting the example? And how will any of us learn if we don’t first try? The teachers aren’t expecting us to be perfect first try, which I think can get muddled when it comes to adult beginners because sometimes they can forget or just don’t know what we have been taught and what we haven’t and forget we don’t know as much just because we’re older. It’s not quite been 4 years for me yet. Dancers my age have been dancing for 15 years en pointe alone. But you are where you are, and you build from there. If you never try, you’ll never improve.

Our second class, she did what she called a movement class. We explored movement and intent, space, time, and energy that goes along with it. She started out where we just moved with our right hand leading us, then our left, then our right leg, then our left, then our head. We could move anyway we wanted, but just had to show the intent behind whichever part leading us and we couldn’t choreograph. She didn’t want it to be a dance. She broke down the different beats you can have in timing and using them interchangeably. Then she put on a slower, more fluid song and had us explore it, then a faster more choppy song. She explained levels and lines and contrast.

We got to a part where she wanted us to go across the floor and spell our names in movement. She asked my name, asked how to spell it (which, of course, it’s spelled weird. She didn’t mind) and showed how we might go about doing it. Most of the girls in our class have really long names (I’m talkin’ 8 letters) so it was quite fun. The second go around, she had us walk the space first, with intent, and then begin. She wanted us to hit all the levels and really branch out. My knees were hurting me and I considered mentioning it to her–I’m sure she’d make an exception for me, right?–but I didn’t. Because it was one time and I could handle it. And I did. And there was a point where I even heard, “good!” come from the side when I hit that level.

I did notice that when you thought about who was watching you, it didn’t go as well. She mentioned this, and told us to focus on nothing but our selves. Not the mirror, not the people across from you, not what you might look like. You couldn’t laugh, because once you did it changed the energy. She was right. When I worried about it, it effected the outcome. That’s when people had negative opinions. When I stopped caring is when it all clicked and was successful. Stop thinking so much and just dance.
You could see the difference in the people, too. Those who really focused and those who let their insecurities rise. We all have them, insecurities. Success is learning how to not let them get the best of you.

I’ve  never taken a class like this before. I’ve always had an interest in Contemporary or Lyrical type dance, but always felt I couldn’t do it without a beginner class. I had never tried. How could I go into one and think I could keep up with everyone else? There’s styles and technique and moves I don’t know the name of and the people around me have been doing it for a while. I’d love to learn, but there isn’t really anyone to teach me. I feel I’ve passed my window since I didn’t learn when I was young. This being the case, I’ve always kind of told myself I couldn’t do it and just stuck to ballet.
This class made me feel like I could do it. That not only could I do it, but I might even be good at it.
She gave us a phrase in the last few minutes of class. She split us into four groups and had us do the phrase. Not in time, not in unison. She wanted us to just do it, to dance it, to express it. Then she would tell the group to exit and point to the next group to enter. When the group before us was finishing, she made eye contact with me and gave me a nod. I nodded back. She told us to enter before she told the other group to exit, with the purpose of teaching us spacing and being aware. At the end, she had all of us come in together. It was incredible.

I can’t remember feeling more alive than that moment.

Getting behind the character I brought to the phrase. Doing it over and over and changing it up each time, but still remaining in that character, just exploring it a little more. Dancing like I was alone in the room and this was my story. Showing what it meant to me. Surrounded by people doing the same. This is who we are. This is the real us. This is when you see who we are on the inside.
This is why we dance.

One of my friends, Eloise, was there with her sister who I had seen in pictures and heard of but never met. She seemed really nice, as everyone from their family I’ve met have been, and I was glad to feel the kind vibes from her in the studio. (It’s really a thing. Reading people is fun.) When we did the phrase in groups, and her group went, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. I tried. I tried watching some of the other people, but my eyes kept going back to her. I wanted to read the story she was telling. It was captivating.
So I told her after class. That she was a really expressive dancer and it was beautiful to watch and I couldn’t look away even when I tried. She thanked me, and you could tell it meant something to her. She shook my hand and introduced herself and was really kind. I told her I had heard about her and was glad to know she’s as nice as the impression I had gotten from hearing of her. She put her whole self into this dance, and her face would take on another level of herself, you could see it. It set her apart. It was who she is. I want to do that. I want that to be what people see in me when they see me dance. But more than that, I want to know in myself that this is what I’m bringing. I don’t just want people to think I’m a good dancer, but I want to believe it in myself.

After class was over (sad day, but my legs were pretty tired) I asked Ms Murphy if I could get a picture with her for my blog. She laughed and commented on how sweaty she looked and I laughed and said I was the same and we got one. 🙂 I didn’t want to let my nerves keep me away from doing it. This is a part of my history, my story, and I was already bummed that I didn’t grab my phone when she was working with Elizabeth because the photo op was incredible. I didn’t want to be disrespectful, though, so I stored it in my memory. I wish I could draw well. I might sketch it anyway.
Anyway.
She taught another class this morning that I wish I could have been in. (Obviously.) I’m really grateful for yesterday. It felt like a Bailando class, but one where I was seen. This week’s classes really left me feeling good. Hopefully this streak continues. I want to improve. I want to prove myself.

I want to keep feeling alive.

I met a new friend after class. I had met her on Tuesday, she has been taking the Adult class but has been doing the Intermediate this summer, save for the one class she accidentally ended up in the Advanced. Everyone said she held her own, though, and when I first saw her Tuesday I could tell she is good. She got her pointe shoe permission form yesterday and is getting her shoes today.

Here are the few pictures from yesterday.

Your happiness is yours.

“Are you still on that high?”
My teacher asked me when she saw me today.
I simply said, “Mostly!” to avoid bringing up the thing that had wavered the high slightly.
I knew she knew. I don’t know if she knew I knew.
Regardless, everyone within earshot had no business knowing, so I played it off.

For some reason, I’m a naturally fearful person. I don’t think that I live in fear, per say, but I do tend to think worst-case-scenario and when something happens in which I’m wrongly accused, it tends to shake me up and make me nervous.

Usually I get really anxious or have panic attacks, but this time is different.
This time I’m able to understand where the issue is, where I play into it, and that it truly isn’t my fault. If the others involved don’t see that, this doesn’t mean it’s because of anything I’ve done wrong.
“I am responsible for my actions, not people’s reactions.”

I’ve learned to face what you’re afraid of. To play Taylor Swift and Uptown Funk as much as you need to calm yourself down and distract yourself.
I learned that there’s no reason to be afraid of it if you’ve done nothing wrong, but even so it doesn’t mean that bad things won’t happen to you. It also doesn’t mean that when bad things happen to you they’re automatically your fault.
There’s only so much you can do.
Do what you can, and let it ride out.

But don’t let it steal the good things from you.
These experiences, these great memories, these beautiful things are yours, even if it makes someone else mad. It doesn’t negate that you are deserving of good things.
Don’t shield your light just because someone gets mad that it’s in their eyes.
(ooo, that’s good… where did that come from? I dunno. But I’m takin’ it.)

Moral of the story, I have such incredible people in my life, and I have found myself amongst a wonderful dance family. I can’t think of a time I’ve ever been happier or felt more loved.
Typically when something good happens to me, somehow by the next day I look back on it and feel a deep remorse. I don’t know why.
But this time, I think back to Saturday, and all I have is joy inside.
I see this certificate, the drawing from my munchkins, the pictures…I read the comments and texts from friends, and my heart explodes all over again.

I feel confident that if I were to die tomorrow, I will not have left any moment uncaptured. I’ve made the most of these days, and I hope to have more to fill like these have been.
These are my “good ol’ days” and they are good indeed.

Today was our last Monday class.
I can’t believe that it’s been an entire year already…
We took some pictures 🙂

I love these girls so much!
Rebecca got cut out of the one… 😦 But they’re still great!

Wizard of Oz–Beeville

Occasionally, our company will take our show on the road for an extra performance in a town called Beeville; about an hour away. It doesn’t happen every year, but this year we were given the opportunity.

I found out quickly that this is met with many complaints; some logical, some unnecessary.
See, the stage is smaller. Like. Baby sized, but the seating is pretty decent. The backstage is tiny and complicated, but operable. The lights are limited. We had to adjust a bunch of things to make it work, but we definitely made it work.

And honestly, what a cool opportunity.
I had heard that the audiences here were always wonderful, and this one didn’t disappoint.
There were times when the wicked witch would come out, and you could hear gasps from the front row. It was amazing to be there and realize that you were becoming part of someone’s memory. That this isn’t just about you, but about portraying something to these people; making them feel something.
We are telling a story, inspiring dreams.
You just can’t feel that from a big auditorium.

One of the backstage helpers commented on how beautifully different this made the show. That you feel the connection with them.
They also don’t get the opportunity to have a real ballet to come all that often. There’s something about taking the show on the road that makes you feel alive and remember why you love doing what you do.

So. Beeville show. How do you even begin to explain Beeville show?
(and now I’m quoting Mean Girls in my head. anyway. :D)
I’m going to attempt my best.

It began with arriving and getting to spend time with dear friends as we watched other friends run their scenes on the stage. I really enjoyed getting to spend time with these people so dear to me.
I took a look around me and realized how amazing it is to have be here, now, with these people.

When I went back into the gym, Some of my favorite munchkins came up to me with this

It’s a drawing that Judy did of four of my munchkin babies. (Dude. Seriously. this girl has mad drawing skills.) And she had them all sign it for me 🙂 It meant so much more to me than I could ever express. I cherish these girls so much.
We did our first run through out of order, trying to work with the ones that needed the most time first. We did the Winkie Guards and the finale and got it all set. I took the typical inventory of Crows to make sure I wouldn’t have to dance it, when I realized one was missing. I asked Mrs. Alex, and she said she hadn’t seen her either. I asked the rest of the Crows and they said she had text one of the dancers saying she was either going to be late or not make the rehearsal.
We were about to do the show from beginning to end to get it all worked out before the performance at 7, so I went to ask Mrs. Julie what I should do. 
I didn’t even get to finish my sentence when she said, “You’re a crow. Any other questions?”
I can’t properly describe how elated I felt inside, but also how difficult it was to keep myself composed until I was back into the gym. 
I get to be a crow? Really? And no one is sick or hurt or anything? I get to do this, I really get to do this? 
I tried to not get my hopes up in case everything changed. It’s possible she could show up and then everything will change. But one thing is certain.
I at least get one more time.
On a stage.
With these girls.
In this dance I love so much. 
I walked back to the gym with the other girl that went with me to ask and when we got back to the locker rooms we were using as dressing rooms, all the older girls in there were asking what happened. When we told them what Mrs. Julie said, they burst out in applause and cheers. They were so happy for me! Some of these girls I only knew in passing, and they were so happy for me. I can’t even express what I felt. How was this happening to me? How was such a good thing happening to me? 
So I went back in the auditorium with my camera to watch before we went on. I didn’t want to be late since it had been a while since I danced Crows. I wanted to be ready. Adrienne helped me go over which direction this part was since I had done both and wanted to make sure I got it right. 
We ran it, and it was the first time I did the entire thing correctly! I think I got it right a couple times at the beginning when we were still running at the studio, but never this side of the role. I always switched something. I got off stage elated, then went back into the chairs where my friends were and where I had left my camera with them. 
Abby managed to get some great pictures of us, even with the rough lighting. Here’s a favorite
I think there was a better one. But it’s hard to see on the little clip. Anyway. It’s what I call “the fish.” hahaha.
I got to talking with Abaranne (sp?) and by this time, the knowledge of me dancing Crows had gotten out. I talked to her about how I’m so used to being overlooked and how everywhere else if you were a good understudy you always stayed as an understudy. I was never the cool kid or the popular kid or the kid everyone thought of first for things, unless they needed something. I was always just the nice kid. She told me how here, they see your dedication and remember it. That hard workers don’t go unnoticed. She and many, many others had told me how they loved watching me do Crows. That I brought so much to the part and did it really well. I told Alyssa how it was such an honor to just be considered among them, let alone have multiple people–and not all of them do I know well–telling me that I look good dancing this part and that I keep up with the rest of the girls who have been dancing years more than me. To hear from these very girls that they liked having me in the dance and seeing how proud they were of me. I would walk into the room to ask a question or something, and they would erupt into, “Hey Croooow! Woohoo! Look at that Crow! Get it girl!” and a million other things. I felt like a queen. Like I mattered. Like I had value. I can’t get over this!
When we were doing Winkie Guards, I caught wind that the girl I was filling in for showed up. I tried not to worry about it, but I really wanted to dance this role. I actually didn’t hear of anyone who didn’t want me to. So after we finished, there was 30 minutes until a meet and greet with some VIP’s and I wanted to know which costume to put on. I asked Mrs Munro first because Julie looked a bit worn and she said, “I think whoever blocked it on this stage is who should dance it. Tell Julie I said that!” So Andie and I went to ask since this person affected 3 different roles. The other two were shared, but it was impossible for the girl who shared them to do both since they were in the same scene. They taught the character role to Andie so if worse came to worse we would have it worked out.
(Oh my gosh I’m so sore. Okay, anyway.)
Mrs. Julie first said the girl would dance the original roles, then Ms. Munro piped up and mentioned how complicated that would be since she wasn’t there to rework it on such a small stage. Julie told us to tell the girl that she would do Miliner, and Melanie would do Emerald and I would do Crow, but Andie spoke up and said it would probably be better coming from her, so she told us to get her and Melanie and bring them back to the stage. So we all were on the stage and Mrs. Julie told us and I tried to just keep my mouth shut and be respectful because I’m sure this would be painful for the girl now not getting to dance. I didn’t feel bad to be taking the role that was hers, because it’s not my fault. I’m just doing what I was cast to do and that’s to fill in when needed. She wasn’t there. I felt bad for her, but I didn’t feel guilty. 
I waited a little as she walked out ahead of us, as I’m sure she was upset and everyone knew I would love to jump into Crows given the chance. so I walked back to the dressing room and was so grateful that I left my nude colored tights in my dance bag since I had considered leaving them since chances were slim I would need them. And I was so glad my character shoe purchase was warranted. 
AND I WAS SO EXCITED TO BE A CROW.
I ran into Mrs. Jane, the costumer, and told her, “Mrs. Jane! I get to be a Crow! The costume has a purpose!” and she hugged me so tight and was so excited for me. Genuinely excited. I felt so good.
I went to get my costume and shoes and tights and everything on for the meet and greet when my friend Lillian came in and told me the girl had left so it was going to be how we had rehearsed it. (This means Andie would need my shoes.) I got dressed and went to ask the girls if I was missing anything and they all began hoopin’ and hollerin’ and making a fuss over me and it made me feel so good. Even the non-Crows. I felt so good. They were all so proud of and excited for me. 
It’s really nice to do something and succeed for yourself, but to have such a support system like this is unlike anything I’ve ever known. It really means more when you have people who love you to share it with.
We went out to the meet and greet and I’m in my Crows costume and so excited. Cloud 9. So excited that my introvertedness didn’t even phase me. When time was up, we went back into the gym and dressing rooms. I got to tell my Winkie Guards that I was getting to dance Crows and they were so excited for me as well. Especially the Mom’s. They knew what this really meant to me. 
We took some fun pictures before the show started with a bunch of different ones I love. 

Okay, so some of these were after this next part. But whatever, I got excited okay?
Mrs. Julie, Mrs. Alex, and Ms. Munro gathered all the cast together in the gym. (Well, all the cast in the gym.) Mrs. Julie said that there were a few dancers that went above and beyond in different areas that they wanted to recognize. 
First up, Alexis and Whitney
These munchkins worked so hard and really stood out. They lead their lines and danced with such passion, it was inspiring. I was so proud of my babies.
Next up was Hannah Hooper

Hannah is a complete rockstar. Not only is it a joy to watch her dance, but she is completely dedicated. She was at every rehearsal and filled in when a Quadling was missing and even got to dance the Quadlings at Beeville. I was so proud of her and so happy that she was able to dance it on stage at least once. She’s the youngest of the Quadlings, being two entire levels below most of them, but she really held her own. You wouldn’t know that she wasn’t right up there with the others. And you never see her without a smile. What a joy 🙂 I was so proud.
Next, they said my name.
Since I had my camera, I took this. Everyone laughed 🙂

This was my view. 🙂 
The entire gym literally erupted in applause and cheers when she said my name. They weren’t even smiling because I was taking a picture, just because they were so happy for me. I got the “Impact Award” and it says, “Given to a dancer who is influential in creating a positive work environment and being an inspiration to others.” It took everything in me not to cry. I have never felt so loved in my entire life. I’ve always wanted to feel that way, and hoped that maybe one day I would, but I never expected this and honestly, I couldn’t have asked for a better group. These people support me and love me and value me. They see me and like what they see. They don’t just see what I can do for them or how they can use me, but rather they see potential in me. They help me cultivate it and maximize it. I have no words to express how truly grateful I am to this beautiful group of people. I love them with every fiber of my being and they each hold such a special place in my heart. I’m nothing without them.

Next they called out sweet Monkey, Olivia

We were the two that weren’t allowed to answer questions during corrections. She got the most improved award and I couldn’t be more proud of her. She really dedicated herself to this role and did her best every rehearsal.

 Next they called out two of the munchkin boys. this one for the smile award for being such a joy, and the other for being such a huge help in keeping the boys in line. He was sick and couldn’t be there, which was sad. But I was so glad to see all these kids get recognized for working so hard.

Some of the Mom’s and some of my friends got great pictures while I was up there, but my phone hasn’t backed up yet so I can’t access them. I’ll include them on a master picture post whenever they do.
What an honor. How blessed am I to be in such a wonderful place with such beautiful people who love and support me. And getting to do what I love so much, and getting to be myself as I pursue this crazy dream of mine. And meeting such marvelous people along the way to do life with. gaaaaaah, I’m so happy!!
Well while I was on cloud nine and taking the silly pictures with the girls, I turn to my left and see a sight that actually brought me to tears.

Mariela came! 
I couldn’t help it, I cried. I’ve missed her so much and it was so good to see her alive and well. And what a surprise! I was really wishing she was there, especially with all the wonderful things happening. It didn’t feel right without her. Then she was there and I was just so happy to see her and she brought roses for all the poppies and emeralds and me. My heart was so full. The munchkins were fanning my face to keep me from crying, it was cute. My heart was so happy. I can’t express how good it was to see her. 
I got to tell Elizabeth that Mari was there and about the award. She was so excited to know Mari was there and doing well and was so proud of me for everything I had accomplished. It really meant a lot. 

These two really have a special place in my heart. One I can’t find the words to describe. They have accepted me and been so very supportive of me in a way most can’t be. They didn’t see me as my level, but as an adult who was passionate about the same thing they are. They have celebrated every victory and been encouraging every step of the way. Having them in these memories is one of my favorite things, on and off the stage. I’m seriously brought to tears by their kindness simply in being who they are. 
It was so cool to have Elizabeth so genuinely excited when I told her that I got to dance Crows, and how excited she was after watching me. And to have her so thrilled for and proud of me when I told her about the awards. 
It was beyond okay hold on crying and I can’t find words  anything I could have ever hoped to have Abby so supportive every step of the way in this dance. From the first rehearsal, and even before, she made me love being a Winkie Guard and even more getting to dance along side her. She made me feel so valued in ways I could never thank her enough. She encouraged me and lifted me up and told me wonderful things she would hear being said about me which hands down has to be one of the greatest feelings in the world. Even just tonight she messaged me before going to bed and asking me about the awards and how she wished they could have been there for it and how I was so deserving and all these things that mean so much more to me than I could ever express. Who am I, ya know? I’m just this simple person who no one seems to notice and these people see me. She said that she and Elizabeth were beaming the whole way home that I got to be a Crow. Like, seriously, how nice is that! Even after the show, they were still so supportive. They care so much about me and I can’t express how much that means.
I started to feel pretty light headed toward the end of the show, but I just tried to breathe deeply and keep my head level. My monkey was overheating half way through so I tried to help her keep calm. She didn’t want to quit, though. Not even the bows which she could have sat out of if she wasn’t feeling up to it. I was so proud of her for sticking it out. Not to mention how well she did! That’s my girl right there.
The whole way home with Lillian we just talked and sometimes just made sounds when I couldn’t find words about how exciting this day was. How wonderful is it that we even have this opportunity? We get to be a part of a ballet company even as adult beginners and with such wonderful people we literally couldn’t ask for better. I was extremely happy that she was able to be a part of the show, especially since we didn’t think it would be possible after she broke her foot. We didn’t think it would heal in time. But she was there and it wouldn’t have been the same without her. It was the icing on the top to get to spend the drive back gushing with her over this wonderful thing called ballet. I couldn’t have asked for better. Lillian is a gem, and when my phone decides to download the pictures, there will be the fabulous one of us as well 🙂
Mrs. Julie is a rockstar and a true treasure. She is a genius in putting this show together and how she handled everyone and everything. A true inspiration. I’m honored to have been able to be a part of this show and under her direction, let alone to now call her my friend. She is a quality person; a diamond. 
I’m still on cloud nine and it’s almost 2am.
I should sleep.
The real world begins again when the sun rises.
Until then, I’ll revel in my one last dreamy night of perfection, squeezing out every ounce I can get of this perfect day.

Wizard of Oz

I’m just now realizing that I haven’t written about this weekends shows at all.

So much has happened and there is much to say, but I fear I won’t have the words to get out all I want to.

Saturday started in a bit of a tizzy. One of the hardest working dancers in the entire company ended up having to have emergency surgery to have her appendix out the morning of the first show. As soon as I found out I actually cried; she was one of the few to be there every single rehearsal and is so very competent and just so talented. Not to mention that she is such a joy to watch. It shattered my heart to know that she had to miss out on the very thing she has worked all these months for, just hours before showtime.

The Poppies and the Emeralds had to have an emergency rehearsal to show the Poppy the dance and the two Emeralds that would be trading it their part.

The show went well enough. One of the Winkies ended up pretty frazzled from the first act all the way until curtain. So much so that she was going to get to be one of five to get to give flowers to the principals, but she was freaking out too much. I ended up getting to do it, which was really special for me because I got to give them to Glinda, who is played by one of my friends. The Winkie they originally told to do it asked to switch because she knew it would be special for me. Such a big heart for such a small girl. I am beyond grateful.

The Winkie Guard mom was unavailable, so they asked me to fill in. Before that, I was running around getting everyone to sign the letters O and Z in both red and green to give to Mrs. Julie and Ms. Munro (which I forgot to get pictures of) as well as my incorrect-sized shirt. Apparently one of the mom’s in charge was panicking because she couldn’t find me to ask me to help out with this, but we found each other in good time and it was okay. The girls are great. They call me Mom which is hilarious, but also rather convenient. I did the make-up for one of the girls whose Mom couldn’t be there (she’s eleven) to help her out. Apparently she only trusted me to do it. She’s one of the quieter ones (well, in front of people. Not if you really know her) so this made me feel awesome. Hehe.

As a whole, the show went really well. The girls did great and went over the parts we had gotten the most corrections on.
All the Crows were there, so I didn’t dance it, but people thought I did. Including my Mom. She was convinced it was me. It made me laugh.

Today’s show was even better.
Before we went on, Mrs. Julie came up to watch the Poppies from this door in our dressing room that lead to the lights up above the audience. She wanted to watch from the balcony, but they had locked the doors so she came up here instead. She let me stand on the little ledge with her and get pictures, which was really amazing. Such a great opportunity. Such an interesting perspective of the stage

The pictures came out amazing. My heart was exploding to know I had these to give to the girls, especially since I don’t typically get to watch poppies and that I didn’t get to shoot as much this show since Winkie Guards was on stage so much. Plus, Annika was rocking it and the poor girl was in so much pain. You would have never guessed it. 
I was giving Ms. Munro her signed letters in the costume room and lacing up my boots when Mrs. Jane came over and hugged me. I seriously could never express how wonderful she is and what she has done for me simply by being the sweet lady she is. I cry thinking of it. So simple, yet so profound. By that point, Ms. Munro had gone backstage, and came rushing back in saying, “Emilee, they’re waiting for you on stage! Grab your bow!”
Oh shoot, yeah, dancing, I should do that!
I run in, grab my bow, and get my keester on stage when everyone lets out a collective, “there you are!” and I hear my friend Abby (the Wicked Witch) whisper from her caped throne, “Don’t you scare me like that again!!” I couldn’t help but giggle. 
I love this place. I love these people. How wonderful to be getting to spend my days doing the thing I love the most with people who like having me there. My heart was so full.
Music begins.
Curtain comes up.
“Look mad, Emilee. Stop looking so happy!” which made me laugh inside. 
The girls did everything the best we’ve ever done. To say I was proud is an understatement. There was even a point when they were a little early on a bit, but they realized it and got back in time to the music and it took everything in me to keep my face fierce. But we did the whole show and it seemed to be done in a blink. As the finale was finishing with the emeralds and characters, I whispered to the Winkie Guards on my side, “Just take it in. This moment will never happen again. We’ll never have this sight again.” They asked what I meant and I said, “We will never have these roles in this show with these people ever again. Just take it in. It’s a beautiful sight.”
Apparently they took what I said to heart, because one of them quoted it later. 
I love these girls.
A bunch of my friends came to the shows, including about half my old studio, (old teacher included!) my mom and sister, my best friend, co worker, and a couple old friends. It was wonderful. 
Lucy and I went to get pizza afterwards which was probably the best decision of the entire night. She’s gonna try and go by and see Mari tomorrow and see how she’s doing. 
One of my favorite things of the whole show was the second dress rehearsal when we were all watching from the audience when suddenly our music starts playing and you see all the Winkie Guards and Monkeys rushing to the stage. Our bows got tangled so I was a little late on stage but you couldn’t tell cause the lights weren’t up yet. It was hysterical. 
Overall, this show has been one of my favorite things I have done in my entire life. 
To be surrounded by people who actually love me for who I am, not just for what I can do for them or the convenience of me being there, but because they value me as a person–just as I am–I’m not used to that, and it’s something I would love to get used to. I found myself crying at the thought of it. Each person touches my heart in ways I can’t find words for. It sustains me when things get really difficult and life gets stressful and crushes my spirit. I can “find my happy place” which will be the memories of these days.
These are the best days of my life.
(And now, some pictures. I will never take enough.)
some of my “babies”

Annika, with a pinched nerve, still flawless

Poppies

Closing of the First Act

The Wicked Witch is wicked

Andie and I 🙂

The Wizard.

He worked at my high school. I want to be like him when I grow up

My monkey! I love her

Annika 🙂

And Lillian!

The characters!

Sweet Judy and Butter, who was our fabulous Toto

The principal ladies with Julie

Julie and I

Instep!

Kristin and Jess!

“Everybody huddle up!”

Elizabeth and I

Abby, Elizabeth and I.

“The only copy of the picture I took is forever in my memory.”

Instep por vida!

Sarah and Liz, my #1 fans

Sweet Muneca

COUSIN

My mom and sister