Category: spring 2016

Friends in the right places

My friend, Jacie, (Cheyanne’s mom) told me yesterday that Gaynor came out with a 5 box shoe, and that the local dance store had them.
Now, I don’t know how long they may have had the 5 box available, but regardless, the risk would have been rather great to just get them blindly. Anyway.
My friend Abby–the Wicked Witch from Oz last year–teaches at the studio attached to this dance store, so I messaged her and asked if she knew anything about them. I had a photo shoot yesterday, which got me out of work early, thus giving me time to meet up with Abby to see about the shoes.
(Cue all the happiness because I haven’t seen her in I-don’t-know-how-long and miss her terribly, so this was a win just stepping out of the car and hugging her neck.
She only had 15 minutes before her class started, so she got me started seeing how the Gaynor’s did.
The best part about having Abby there is that she already knows me. She knows my dancing, she knows my feet, she knows my quirks and what struggles I have. She knows about the nerve damage in one leg, the extra length the other gives, the un-square hips, the short toes–all of it.
She knows about Swan Lake. I told her what Mrs. Alex and Ms. Munro had told me. And I expressed my concerns. I asked her my questions on if she knew what I could do better or try to work on.
She. Knows. So. Much.
She put me in Gaynors, and put me in some Grishko’s, and they had the hard shanks on all, which was wonderful. I showed her my current shoes, and how I seem to knuckle over in them.
She had to rush to her class, so Mrs. Coker helped me from there. I explained to her the bit of my pointe quirks that I could, and asked her about the knuckling over and the way the shank shifts, especially on my left foot. She explained how it will do that if your weight isn’t centered in your shoe, and I asked if there was anything I could do about that. My toes being so insanely short definitely has an effect, so she tried me in a narrower shoe, but then my foot knuckles (is that what they’re called? That’s what they look like. Whatever) are painfully smooshed. It’s a very complicated predicament, as most people have either one or the other. I have two toes relatively close to the same length, then the other three are relatively close to the same, but polar opposite, length.
Rolling up is complex. Mix that in with my uneven legs, causing knee pain if I’m not super careful, and the struggle is so real.
She had me try on pretty much all the Grishko’s they had. Some were more painful, but seemed a better fit–if that even makes sense– and others didn’t put as much pressure, but I would sink right to the bottom. They were all hard shanks, which my arch was lost in, but I was able to get all the way on the box of, so I figured if those were best, I would just break them in. I was actually impressed with their shanks, because Capezio’s hardest shank was almost like perfectly broken in shoes for me now when I first wear them. Which is great, except that they don’t last long at all.

It came down to the Gaynor’s and a pair of Grishko’s. Mrs. Coker said she thinks the Gaynor’s were better, but Abby had expressed concern of them still causing me to knuckle over. She came back by with the spare minute she had between classes to see me in them again and approved vigorously. That made me feel so much better about the risk of getting the shoes.

I went to class, danced on my old shoes, and hated life.
Dramatic, obviously, but I could tell how dead those really were after having been in new shoes for the greater part of the previous hour.

When I got out of class, I had a text from Abby saying that Mrs. Coker told her that I was the hardest fitting she’s ever done. (This made me feel quite accomplished.)
We got to talking, and she was telling me what they thought about my feet. She says she doesn’t think my feet are weak–quite the contrary. She thinks my feet are actually rather strong, and that’s why I keep killing the shanks and may be why I’m hesitant to fully pull out of my shoe since it will cause me to go too far and end up eating dirt going over the top of the box. She mentioned that getting over on the box of a hard shank Grishko is nearly impossible, that she can’t even do it, which is unheard of being that she is solid muscle. Seriously. Gosh, I miss her…
anyway.
She said she thinks maybe it’s my ankles that are weaker. Which would make sense. My ankles give me trouble for seemingly no reason. Especially before starting dance, I could just be walking down the street and suddenly my ankle would give out. Mrs. Coker had also told me some specific theraband work to do to help with my foot shifting the way it does in the shoe that causes the shank to shift.

Over all, yesterday made me feel so much better. I have answers, and though they may not technically have solutions, I have plans of action to try and make this work. At least I know it’s not because of laziness or lack of work or something.

Progress and regress.

In our V’s class yesterday, we did barre a little differently.
Typically, we do combinations that are quick or complex. Instead, Mrs. Alex had us do simple combinations with a lot of repetition. She had us focus on proper technique, rather than just trying to get through the combination and move on. I really enjoyed this approach, and I think we all benefited from it. It was great to take the time to really think about what we were doing and how we are to properly execute each movement.

I don’t remember exactly what the entire combination was, but there was one where we ended in a low arabesque on releve. I tend to struggle with this kind of thing–once I’m on releve on one leg, my turn out goes out the window. But as I held this arabesque on my shorter, weaker leg, Mrs. Alex came by and said, “Good, Emilee! Great turn out on that standing leg, nice straight knees, good!”

I think I made a face, because I couldn’t really believe she was actually saying these things to me. I looked down to see what it looked like, then tried to see it in the mirror. It felt right, but I didn’t expect it to look that right. I wasn’t really thinking specifically about achieving these things, as I usually do. I was shocked, and very pleased.

I got frustrated as we moved to the center and en dedan turns were there. I wanted to try them, but it just didn’t work. I didn’t know if I psyched myself out, or what. When we were going through, working on recital, there were a few moments when I was away from the others, so I tried them. Sure enough, I couldn’t get up. So I held the barre and tried the preparation. Okay, I could do that. So I tried the preparation away from the barre. I can do that. I tried the turn, nope.
I’m not sure if it’s because these shoes are already dead, or if it’s something else, but the struggle is real. I put it on the back burner, knowing at least I can do the preparation and work on it from there, and that I’m getting around in my pirouettes now. Most of the time at least. They could still use work, but that’s what class is for.
We did a few chaines, too, which weren’t as good as I was hoping, but somewhat better than before.
I’ll take it.

Cast lists should be out soon. I wish I could see it for myself without anyone telling me and no one watching me. This won’t happen. So whatever. It’s possible they could even come out today when I don’t have class, so we’ll see.

Stay tuned!

Small Studio

I may have mentioned before, but on Tuesdays–now that I stay through both hours of the VI’s class–I noticed that the small studio was open while Julie had the advanced Jazz class in the big studio. I asked Ms. Munro if I could use it to work on things when no one was in it. She was all for it.
So yesterday, Adrienne and I utilized this opportunity last night to work on some things we had seen and also some things we had never truly been shown.
(I don’t really want too many people to do this, because then it could become some kind of class, and therefore require payment for using the studio space. But having someone there to work with is beneficial.)

It was beneficial, too, because Ms. Munro kept popping in and out of the studio to get to the back storage closet, so we were able to ask her questions about the different steps we were working on, and she wanted to see our progress.

We worked on a tombe, coupe, jete step that neither of us had been taught. (Annika and Jessica had worked with me on showing it to me at Feast of Sharing, but I didn’t really know it enough to do it in class when it was one of the things we worked on yesterday.) Ms. Munro explained what we should think about (it’s one of her favorite steps) and a few pointers on it and let us go to town.
While working on this, I realized how terrible my jete’s really are. But now that I know, I can make an effort to work towards getting them better. I think part of the issue is being afraid to plie on my longer leg, since I got so used to it piercing in pain. It has been improving, now that I stay away from grande plies and jumps (which sucks, but if it helps I’ll do it.) (And also, I do them in pieces, so that’s good) but it’s still ingrained in me to be afraid. I have to break through that, and take the pain as it comes but not expect it.

Adrienne helped me tremendously on my chaine turns. I never properly learned them, and have trouble with spotting. We got substantial progress on these (Ms. M popped in and helped a bit as well) so now I don’t look like a fool as much. Honestly, confidence is half the work. If you can go forward without second guessing, you’re more likely to be successful. Now that I know what it’s supposed to feel like, I feel like I can more confidently approach them. (I need to truly get the feel en pointe, though, cause we worked in flat shoes.)

Adrienne worked on really getting the hang of fouette turns. She really didn’t have a struggle–the girl’s a natural. She tried them and succeeded first try, and I was able to film it and show her how they looked. Now she just needs to get nit-picky like the rest. I’m really proud of her. She’s really grown so much since I first met her. It’s as though everything is clicking and she’s really nailing these things. I’m especially glad we got the opportunity to work together yesterday. It helps to have someone there who will compliment you when you need it, and critique you when you need it.
And really, we all need to take a moment to remember where we started and how far we’ve come in such a short amount of time.
I may get critical of myself and see how far I have to go, but Adrienne pointed out to me how far I’ve come just since being at Munro’s. We always have farther to go, more to learn, but we can’t forget to remember the progress hard work has brought us through.

Keep working hard, and you’ll get there.

(Oh. and we were working on the 6’s recital yesterday. We had to change a bit of the placement, so I ended up in the front. I half-expected Julie to switch me with Jessica or Adrienne, who were next to me, but she didn’t. In turn, I also ended up in a group of four with Annika, Alex, and Sean. WHAT IS LIFE. so, I really need to work on my jete’s, because I have to do them after the two girls and I don’t want to look like a derp. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to get this opportunity. I’m really hoping I can rise to the expectations, and beyond grateful that she’s starting recital now so I can learn these things while I’m still here, before work takes over my life for a hot second.)

Classes

Whatever my stomach is doing, it’s sure having a good time.
I was only able to make it through the first part of class yesterday. I wanted to quit before the first part was over, but wouldn’t let myself. I knew if I could just make it through, I could sit out the second part, and I would be okay. I probably could have pushed it and done the second part, but I didn’t want to do anything halfway. I’d rather watch and really gain something than do a mediocre attempt at something I really need to work full out on.
Mrs. Alex understood, and told me if I wanted I could go home even. I told her I’d like to watch and get whatever in I could that way. I mean, I wanted to go home, but that doesn’t help me at all. And I was there already.
We ended up working on recital the last bit of class, so I was really glad I stayed. Especially with how many classes I’ll miss with tax season coming up. I’m really nervous about how all of that will work out, but I’m trying not to dwell on it too much. I’ve told most of my teachers, and they say I’m the least of their worries. So that’s nice at least. They’re confident I’ll be able to pick it up and be just fine. I have friends in the class that have said they’d help me learn what I missed as well, so that’s wonderful.

It was a bit hard focusing during that last bit of class. I was at the back and the farthest from Mrs. Alex, and everyone was excited about the music and talking or getting really distracted. I was trying to learn the part she was showing us, while having to do it opposite of what I’m seeing, all through the noise and distraction and people getting in the way of me seeing her. I didn’t lose my mind, but near about. I love this class, but sometimes it gets difficult with how distracting some of the older ones can be. Like, cool, we get it. You’re good. You don’t have to have all that we do, but be considerate that this is our class, not yours.

Recital should be fun. There’s so many people. Which makes it complicated. But that’s not really their choice, and I think it’ll be nice how it’s going so far.

Talks of Swan Lake are rampant through the studio. I’m trying to make a point to really use my upper body to show get me in their head before auditions. It seems to be at least doing something, because Mrs. Alex complimented me at one point by name. I got other corrections as well, which was nice. I wasn’t expecting the one when she said my name, and hardly realized it as it was. It was a good confirmation that I was doing what I needed to be doing so I can store that away in my database that what that felt like looks like what they want. I’m nervous. I just want to get it over with, but at the same time, I don’t want to do it. I will, but thinking of it has me all sorts of jittery. I just really hope I can keep a clear head all throughout. That I don’t get anxious or panicky when I see new things.

Here’s to hoping.

New semester

Classes have started back up for the new semester.
Our first class, the V’s class, was taught by Ms. Munro since our normal teacher wasn’t there.
I really liked this. I love a good Ms. M class.
She didn’t go easy on us, which was good. She corrected my arm placement, which I’ve now been trying to be conscious about. It also made me feel good to know I’m seen. That something subtle and slight is noticed and fixed. Now it’s my job to make sure she doesn’t have to correct it again.

We did pointe, which had a few elements that I normally would get nervous over or avoid. I was unable to do some of them, but not without trying first. Partially was because my shoes are nearing death, so I didn’t want to risk the rolled ankle before auditions. I didn’t walk away from it afraid of these steps, though, so that is a big step for me.
Also, when it came to doing pirouettes, I was actually able to get around. Ms. M wanted doubles, but I was very satisfied in my solid single for now. It can do with improvement, and I definitely need to spot my head more, and get a better plie, but it’s a vast improvement from what I am typically capable of. I will take it, and work harder to make it better.

I seemed to mess up many things that shouldn’t have been difficult, but I just brushed it off. No sense getting worked up over something I know that I can do. It’s whatever.

Ms. Heidi’s class felt really good. We started working with some ideas she’s playing with for recital, and I was excited to see what she’s got going. I was nervous, but I think it has a lot of potential. I wish it could just be the girls that were in class on Monday–the ones who are always there. The piece would look so clean that way. But I know that’s out of our control.
It felt good to let go and try new things. That’s my favorite; when I can let go and just dance. Not think about specifics or how technical it is or if I’m enough. Just dancing because I like to do it. And not being judged on how bad or good I am. I don’t have anyone to impress or anything to prove.

Yesterday’s VI’s class went fairly well, too. My stomach is doing it’s typical hating me ritual, which really puts a damper on things. I tried to push through anyway, and thankfully didn’t have to sit anything more out than I usually would because of my knees. And even so, I’m able to watch those things and mark them and try to sort them out in my head so if I ever do have to do them, I can at least have some grasp of it to be able to attempt.

We started working on recital, which is super exciting. It’s a bit of a stretch for me, as I typically screw up a lot in the beginning of things. But once I have it down, I nail it. So I did my best, wrote down what we learned, and plan to go over it until I have it on the right count and my lines look good.

(I am so excited to be in this piece.)

Instead of working in the small studio, I watched the Advanced Jazz class. It was really cool to get to see them work on something that isn’t so technical. The girls in that class have a lot of talent, some I never really noticed before. But gosh, is it evident now. It made me want to just take a million pictures and capture what I see.
It was cool as well to watch Julie as she came up with all of this. Seeing her mind process and these sections of the dance come to life. Watching a master at work.
I sat there, watching and thinking, “I wish I could do that.” And it was then that I realized, “This is exactly what I do with words.” Whether its words people ever see or not, it’s the same process. My grammar may not always be perfect and sometimes I really like run-on sentences, but the concept is the same.

Words are my dance.