Whatever my stomach is doing, it’s sure having a good time.
I was only able to make it through the first part of class yesterday. I wanted to quit before the first part was over, but wouldn’t let myself. I knew if I could just make it through, I could sit out the second part, and I would be okay. I probably could have pushed it and done the second part, but I didn’t want to do anything halfway. I’d rather watch and really gain something than do a mediocre attempt at something I really need to work full out on.
Mrs. Alex understood, and told me if I wanted I could go home even. I told her I’d like to watch and get whatever in I could that way. I mean, I wanted to go home, but that doesn’t help me at all. And I was there already.
We ended up working on recital the last bit of class, so I was really glad I stayed. Especially with how many classes I’ll miss with tax season coming up. I’m really nervous about how all of that will work out, but I’m trying not to dwell on it too much. I’ve told most of my teachers, and they say I’m the least of their worries. So that’s nice at least. They’re confident I’ll be able to pick it up and be just fine. I have friends in the class that have said they’d help me learn what I missed as well, so that’s wonderful.
It was a bit hard focusing during that last bit of class. I was at the back and the farthest from Mrs. Alex, and everyone was excited about the music and talking or getting really distracted. I was trying to learn the part she was showing us, while having to do it opposite of what I’m seeing, all through the noise and distraction and people getting in the way of me seeing her. I didn’t lose my mind, but near about. I love this class, but sometimes it gets difficult with how distracting some of the older ones can be. Like, cool, we get it. You’re good. You don’t have to have all that we do, but be considerate that this is our class, not yours.
Recital should be fun. There’s so many people. Which makes it complicated. But that’s not really their choice, and I think it’ll be nice how it’s going so far.
Talks of Swan Lake are rampant through the studio. I’m trying to make a point to really use my upper body to show get me in their head before auditions. It seems to be at least doing something, because Mrs. Alex complimented me at one point by name. I got other corrections as well, which was nice. I wasn’t expecting the one when she said my name, and hardly realized it as it was. It was a good confirmation that I was doing what I needed to be doing so I can store that away in my database that what that felt like looks like what they want. I’m nervous. I just want to get it over with, but at the same time, I don’t want to do it. I will, but thinking of it has me all sorts of jittery. I just really hope I can keep a clear head all throughout. That I don’t get anxious or panicky when I see new things.
Here’s to hoping.
Started ballet late October of 2011 at the age of 23.
Began pointe training late August of 2013.