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Emilee

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My front facing camera broke on my phone, making my already limited picture taking even MORE limited. Have a throw back from last spring. I have a blog post in the works. Life has been kinda nutty, my laptop *also* bit the dirt, and things have been kind of overwhelming. Y’all are always on my mind, though! You’ll be hearing from me soon. 💕
Classes yesterday brought to you in part by @leakycon (I don’t usually dress up for costume week, but i do try and incorporate Harry Potter to some degree 🤷🏼‍♀️)
New blog post, link in bio!
My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
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Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me

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Do Hard Things.

This was our conversation in dance class today with our teacher, Jilissa.

Jilissa: Ballet isn’t normal. For some reason, King Louis xiv made people learn it and do it. I think he was a little crazy… anyway, does anyone know why he had them do it? Or really, why we dance ballet? Why do we do it?
Me: Because we’re crazy?
Jilissa: Well… yes, but why do we do it?
Sarah: Because it’s pretty
Jilissa: Yes, that too… but think about it. It’s a challenge. And I really think we do it for the challenge. Because if it was easy, there wouldn’t be anything in it for us. What would be the fun of it? I think we, as people, like something that’s gonna challenge us.

Here we go folks.
If life was easy, what would be the point in it?
If everything was given to us, what would we even accomplish?
Accomplish would be a pointless word… There would kinda be no such thing.
We need the challenge. We need to strive for things. We need to have life smack us in the face, sometimes. To be unsure, to experience fear and look it right in the eye and tell it, “you don’t own me.”
It’s liberating. It’s empowering.
If we were giving everything, we’d never feel the need to change the world. We’d never feel capable of success. Because we wouldn’t need it.

Face hardships head on.
It won’t last forever
But it makes victory worth it.
Work hard now so when you dance, it’s beautiful.

(and if you feel a little crazy, it’s normal 😉 )

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