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Emilee

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I just posted a super difficult blog post that I’ve been trying to write for a few months. I also thought about waiting until the summer to post it, but feel that now is the best time. The details are there, but essentially this is my last year teaching. I also won’t be active on this account anymore. It’ll remain live, as will my blog, but I won’t be checking in on it. This has been an extremely difficult decision to have to come to, but it’s one I can’t avoid anymore. If you’d like to keep up with me, please feel free to follow my personal account @emileeayers or my poetry account @forthestranger (or my “nerd” account if you’re into that, @thenerdjacket ) I love y’all so much and am super grateful for the friends I’ve made over the years through ballet. Super proud of y’all and everything you’re accomplishing every day. (Thanks to Mrs Gigi for this picture from nutcracker this year. It’s super special to me.)
I’ll have a proper post after the trip when I can blog. I’m the meantime, please enjoy this photo of @ballerinakay that I am properly obsessed with. ❤️
Two years ago today, I met @allie_on_pointe in person! In NINE DAYS we’re going to London together! I truly cherish the friends being in the dance world as an adult has given me. ❤️
Caught the train, heading back to hogwarts. See you witches (and wizards) there!
The dance season started up this week! My classes started today, and I wrote a blog post about it. Now I’m gonna go sleep. Link in bio
I was at a Harry Potter convention this weekend with my best friend and had an unexpected ballet encounter. I wrote about it if that’s your sort of thing. Link in the bio. 💛🖤

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Tough.

I’ve had tons of thoughts to post on here.

Informative things Jilissa has told us
Interesting perspectives
Insight.

But, I’m not gonna back track and type all that.
Not now.

I had a conversation with Jilissa Thursday:
Me: I’ll be 25 next year. My goal is to be on pointe by then. Do you think this is possible?
Her: *Gimmace*
Me: I’m consistently in 2 times a week now. Work is letting me do that. I want to do 3 times a week as soon as possible…
Her: Let’s shoot for January and see where you are.

I was pretty excited.
This made me feel like I have something to strive for.
My dreams and goals in sight.
And this is bigger than just some fleeting bucket list idea
This is something I have wanted since I can remember
Something my grandpa used to ask me about
He’s gone now…
This links me to the parts of childhood that were happy.
About the only parts I haven’ questioned here recently…

Today, I was trying really hard
To focus, pay attention, soak up everything I can.
I couldn’t help but feel like I have a long way to go…
My flexibility needs major improvement
My turn out is pathetic
And sometimes when I get over zealous, it messes up my knee…

I got in my car after today’s class, thinking about all the ways it would be easier to focus if things were different.
Then I thought,
“I think sometimes you just have to lack something before you can really appreciate it. Lack makes you want it.”

Hah.
Is that what I’m going through in my life?
All this other hardship and questions and tears and breakdowns…
Is this the lack, making sure I really want it?

I guess we shall see.

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