I can’t escape the fact that everything is going to be okay…
It’s just a matter of getting there.
That sometimes you have to let things get rough so that God can fully do what He wants to do. Like in Esther. If Haman hadn’t made the King make the decree to destroy the Jews, then the Jews wouldn’t have been able to overcome their enemies. They would have just been living in a tense state forever. But the Lord knew. And Esther and Mordecai were obedient. So it worked out beautifully.
I have to hold to this.
I have no other choice.
I gotta face my fears.
I have to keep waking up in the morning.
Keep letting my feet hit the floor.
Keep facing the things I can’t stand.
Hold to the good.
Hold to the hope, even when it seems bleak.
I have to accept that things don’t make sense, and that’s okay.
That I don’t have to have the answers.
No matter how much I want to. How much I want all of this to be over, to be happy all the time, to not feel like I’m fighting.
This is difficult.
But I must endure.
I can’t not…
I can’t afford not to…
So I’ll cry.
I’ll curl up into a pitiful ball.
I’ll eat ice cream when I want.
I’ll ask questions that don’t have answers.
I’ll laugh and try my best to enjoy the good things I do have around me.
I’ll dance. Every chance I get.
Every breath laced with communication to God.
I’ll remember to breathe
But hold my breath when I need to.
When I feel I need to reset.
I’ll do all I can to make it through.
I’ll keep going.
Breakthrough has to come eventually.
Started ballet late October of 2011 at the age of 23.
Began pointe training late August of 2013.