Yesterday was my first ballet class since the last summer class at Instep.
Let me be honest with you in tell you I was freaking out.
I don’t really know how to explain everything that was going on inside me, but there was a lot of it, and it was unavoidable.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to go alone. My friends Sarah, Liz, and Karin were all there as well. That helped tremendously, but also made me feel a little awkward at first. Here we were, 4 new people, infiltrating the last summer class of this studio that had some really good dancers. It was intimidating, but Sarah pointed out that some of these girls were at Bailando–the dance festival we have every year here locally–and that they tried playing the intimidation card there, too, but were just as good or lost as we were. (mostly)
We were able to keep up with the class, which made me feel good. I was extremely grateful to Jilissa for making sure we knew terminology, differing styles, and making sure we had the full understanding of things. There were only two things we had never seen before: one was fairly simple to catch on to, the other was a step usually performed by guys. Our only guy moved to California, so we hadn’t seen any of those steps in a while. We were able to execute the moves with just being told the combination, and our main struggle was in execution and technique, rather than understanding and comprehension, (redundant? oh well.) which is how it should be.
Needless to say, I woke up sore today. It is a welcomed feeling and has re-ignited my love for this art form.
My emotions are still everywhere. This is a very difficult thing to explain. It is as though we are orphans, trying to fit into a new family. The parents are kind, but the kids are apprehensive to let so many new people in to their world. It’s all understandable, but it’s definitely unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced in my life.
Every thing else I’ve had end, I knew it had an end. It was clear, expected. This was only prefaced by dreams and intuition. A few rumors here and there, but they weren’t studio-wide. I only knew because, for some reason, people trust me. (It’s a blessing and a curse.)
I’m grateful that I was at least somewhat prepared. But it has been a difficult transition. Not everyone is as open minded towards adult dancers, especially ones that started as adults and “can’t do anything with it.” It’s either not enough of a challenge to advance in, or completely misunderstood. Instep had that balance that’s rare.
So, here it is. The first of many first steps toward dealing.