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Emilee

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Mischief Managed.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. #leakycon #leakycon2018
Y’all, check out my friend Baileys announcement!! I’m so excited for her and super pumped to watch this series she’s a part of! #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ The concept is simple: follow someone’s journey from surgery to stage. Showing the life of a mucus mutant. Showing the life of a bilingual Deaf family. Showing the life of a dancer and @companythreesixty dancers. It technically hits all the hashtags: #spoonie #deaf #adultballerina #bodypositive #chronicillness. It hopefully connects with many communities and provides another voice in the chorus of those wanting representation in media abound. It is positive: a positive network with a positive focus wanting to counter the negative swarmy troll farm that is most modern media to date. But... what if the concept becomes a reality? What if I show not just the recovery from latest rounds of surgeries... but the pain and swelling and funk between? What if I don’t fulfill some sort of diagnostic paradigm being that I am an Atypical diagnosis (and someone who hopes not to be defined by that anyways where I can)? What if we capture not just the invigorating process of putting together a show with women I ferociously admire and protect... but also, how totally messy dance life can be? What if we showcase a family that’s equal parts Deaf as hearing... yet our variable mix of signing, reading lips, caption and speech isn’t in keeping with what the world wants from us? Choosing to share our story has come with a lot of IFs... but we are braving it none the less. Although I can’t believe our pilot episode premiered TODAY and that I can finally announce the news... fear of judgement subsists. Can perspective, positivity and living an imperfect life as openly as possible actually be of benefit? The verdict is still out... but I’m excited to try. I’m excited to see. And I’m excited to get started.▪️Click Link In Bio To Watch The Pilot Or Go To: onlygood.tv▪️#CatchingBreaths
The builders weren’t out today, so I decided to have one last hoorah in our still empty, hurricane Harvey-Ed house. They’ve finally begun repairs, and I’m super pumped for it to be fixed, but also a bit sad at the loss of the house as we knew it and how it was growing up. Here I’m in our game room, the red wall is my bathroom, and to the right is my old bedroom, where I was the night before the storm came. The bed I slept on had ceiling and insulation fallen on it the next day. Still pretty surreal almost a year out. TL;DR I love my new @sodancausa dance sneakers I got from @cinqdanceessentials ! Super pumped for the new year!
We had a guest teacher in class last night. I wrote a blog post about it! Link is in the bio. (Spoiler. It was wonderful.) Thank you so much, @linds779 for teaching us! (Ps. My shirt is from @balletlibrarian ‘s book Cantique, you can totally still get ya one. It’s my favorite, obviously.) PD: photo of me and Lindsi Dec from Pacific Northwest Ballet after class.
Once upon a time, my toes used to touch the floor.

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New studio. First attempt.

Yesterday was my first ballet class since the last summer class at Instep.
Let me be honest with you in tell you I was freaking out.
I don’t really know how to explain everything that was going on inside me, but there was a lot of it, and it was unavoidable.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to go alone. My friends Sarah, Liz, and Karin were all there as well. That helped tremendously, but also made me feel a little awkward at first. Here we were, 4 new people, infiltrating the last summer class of this studio that had some really good dancers. It was intimidating, but Sarah pointed out that some of these girls were at Bailando–the dance festival we have every year here locally–and that they tried playing the intimidation card there, too, but were just as good or lost as we were. (mostly)
We were able to keep up with the class, which made me feel good. I was extremely grateful to Jilissa for making sure we knew terminology, differing styles, and making sure we had the full understanding of things. There were only two things we had never seen before: one was fairly simple to catch on to, the other was a step usually performed by guys. Our only guy moved to California, so we hadn’t seen any of those steps in a while. We were able to execute the moves with just being told the combination, and our main struggle was in execution and technique, rather than understanding and comprehension, (redundant? oh well.) which is how it should be.

Needless to say, I woke up sore today. It is a welcomed feeling and has re-ignited my love for this art form.

My emotions are still everywhere. This is a very difficult thing to explain. It is as though we are orphans, trying to fit into a new family. The parents are kind, but the kids are apprehensive to let so many new people in to their world. It’s all understandable, but it’s definitely unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced in my life.
Every thing else I’ve had end, I knew it had an end. It was clear, expected. This was only prefaced by dreams and intuition. A few rumors here and there, but they weren’t studio-wide. I only knew because, for some reason, people trust me. (It’s a blessing and a curse.)
I’m grateful that I was at least somewhat prepared. But it has been a difficult transition. Not everyone is as open minded towards adult dancers, especially ones that started as adults and “can’t do anything with it.” It’s either not enough of a challenge to advance in, or completely misunderstood. Instep had that balance that’s rare.

So, here it is. The first of many first steps toward dealing.

(in the lobby, waiting for class to start. Nervous as heck.)

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