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Emilee

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Mischief Managed.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. #leakycon #leakycon2018
Y’all, check out my friend Baileys announcement!! I’m so excited for her and super pumped to watch this series she’s a part of! #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ The concept is simple: follow someone’s journey from surgery to stage. Showing the life of a mucus mutant. Showing the life of a bilingual Deaf family. Showing the life of a dancer and @companythreesixty dancers. It technically hits all the hashtags: #spoonie #deaf #adultballerina #bodypositive #chronicillness. It hopefully connects with many communities and provides another voice in the chorus of those wanting representation in media abound. It is positive: a positive network with a positive focus wanting to counter the negative swarmy troll farm that is most modern media to date. But... what if the concept becomes a reality? What if I show not just the recovery from latest rounds of surgeries... but the pain and swelling and funk between? What if I don’t fulfill some sort of diagnostic paradigm being that I am an Atypical diagnosis (and someone who hopes not to be defined by that anyways where I can)? What if we capture not just the invigorating process of putting together a show with women I ferociously admire and protect... but also, how totally messy dance life can be? What if we showcase a family that’s equal parts Deaf as hearing... yet our variable mix of signing, reading lips, caption and speech isn’t in keeping with what the world wants from us? Choosing to share our story has come with a lot of IFs... but we are braving it none the less. Although I can’t believe our pilot episode premiered TODAY and that I can finally announce the news... fear of judgement subsists. Can perspective, positivity and living an imperfect life as openly as possible actually be of benefit? The verdict is still out... but I’m excited to try. I’m excited to see. And I’m excited to get started.▪️Click Link In Bio To Watch The Pilot Or Go To: onlygood.tv▪️#CatchingBreaths
The builders weren’t out today, so I decided to have one last hoorah in our still empty, hurricane Harvey-Ed house. They’ve finally begun repairs, and I’m super pumped for it to be fixed, but also a bit sad at the loss of the house as we knew it and how it was growing up. Here I’m in our game room, the red wall is my bathroom, and to the right is my old bedroom, where I was the night before the storm came. The bed I slept on had ceiling and insulation fallen on it the next day. Still pretty surreal almost a year out. TL;DR I love my new @sodancausa dance sneakers I got from @cinqdanceessentials ! Super pumped for the new year!
We had a guest teacher in class last night. I wrote a blog post about it! Link is in the bio. (Spoiler. It was wonderful.) Thank you so much, @linds779 for teaching us! (Ps. My shirt is from @balletlibrarian ‘s book Cantique, you can totally still get ya one. It’s my favorite, obviously.) PD: photo of me and Lindsi Dec from Pacific Northwest Ballet after class.
Once upon a time, my toes used to touch the floor.

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Act II rehearsals.

We had rehearsals with all of Act II on Sunday.
These make me nervous, because all of the “older” kids are watching. And honestly, with everyone that’s been hurting themselves this season, I’m afraid of risk.
(I mean, I always seem to be afraid, but this is like, more. Whatever, judge me.)

Sunday’s rehearsal was very tense. Overall it seemed like there was a strained air about the studio. Ms. Munro was sharper and no-nonsense, injured dancers nervous of their injuries, but doing their best, dancers goofing off panicking when they don’t know what’s going on, frustration all around at these people. At this point in the game,we should have our stuff together. I can understand the bigger numbers needing loads more work and direction, being that it’s longer, more complicated, and contains many more people. But our little pieces should be together by now. Especially when it’s not all too difficult.
(Stupid pirouette is still scaring me. And my toes are dying. And I’m not sure what else to do for them or if you just kind of get used to it.)

We went through it twice and we were supposed to do it in costumes the second round, but we ran out of time and ended up just running through it.

After the first time, they huddled us together really quickly for corrections. The first thing Ms. Munro said was,
“Emilee is the only one smiling the entire time! You all look like you’re miserable.” Then she did these little sound effects to indicate misery. “You all need to be more,” *insert happy sound effects*

First Ms. Alex, and now Ms. Munro.
Not one mention of not having the pirouette down on pointe, although I really want to do it, for myself ya know? I don’t want to cheat. I want to improve and I want to take risks. I also want to build up my strength in my feet and ankles.

I guess overall in life I feel rather defeated currently. I’ve noticed my tolerance is lacking, and I’ve found it difficult to deal with all the things that I can’t control; especially when people are calling me lazy with it and saying I’m just making excuses.

People suck sometimes, and they are rude and careless. And these are days I want to become a recluse. Because trying to explain won’t do anything for them, because they actually don’t care, but they also won’t keep their noses out of things.

I’m hopeful for this season.

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