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Emilee

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Mischief Managed.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. #leakycon #leakycon2018
Y’all, check out my friend Baileys announcement!! I’m so excited for her and super pumped to watch this series she’s a part of! #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ The concept is simple: follow someone’s journey from surgery to stage. Showing the life of a mucus mutant. Showing the life of a bilingual Deaf family. Showing the life of a dancer and @companythreesixty dancers. It technically hits all the hashtags: #spoonie #deaf #adultballerina #bodypositive #chronicillness. It hopefully connects with many communities and provides another voice in the chorus of those wanting representation in media abound. It is positive: a positive network with a positive focus wanting to counter the negative swarmy troll farm that is most modern media to date. But... what if the concept becomes a reality? What if I show not just the recovery from latest rounds of surgeries... but the pain and swelling and funk between? What if I don’t fulfill some sort of diagnostic paradigm being that I am an Atypical diagnosis (and someone who hopes not to be defined by that anyways where I can)? What if we capture not just the invigorating process of putting together a show with women I ferociously admire and protect... but also, how totally messy dance life can be? What if we showcase a family that’s equal parts Deaf as hearing... yet our variable mix of signing, reading lips, caption and speech isn’t in keeping with what the world wants from us? Choosing to share our story has come with a lot of IFs... but we are braving it none the less. Although I can’t believe our pilot episode premiered TODAY and that I can finally announce the news... fear of judgement subsists. Can perspective, positivity and living an imperfect life as openly as possible actually be of benefit? The verdict is still out... but I’m excited to try. I’m excited to see. And I’m excited to get started.▪️Click Link In Bio To Watch The Pilot Or Go To: onlygood.tv▪️#CatchingBreaths
The builders weren’t out today, so I decided to have one last hoorah in our still empty, hurricane Harvey-Ed house. They’ve finally begun repairs, and I’m super pumped for it to be fixed, but also a bit sad at the loss of the house as we knew it and how it was growing up. Here I’m in our game room, the red wall is my bathroom, and to the right is my old bedroom, where I was the night before the storm came. The bed I slept on had ceiling and insulation fallen on it the next day. Still pretty surreal almost a year out. TL;DR I love my new @sodancausa dance sneakers I got from @cinqdanceessentials ! Super pumped for the new year!
We had a guest teacher in class last night. I wrote a blog post about it! Link is in the bio. (Spoiler. It was wonderful.) Thank you so much, @linds779 for teaching us! (Ps. My shirt is from @balletlibrarian ‘s book Cantique, you can totally still get ya one. It’s my favorite, obviously.) PD: photo of me and Lindsi Dec from Pacific Northwest Ballet after class.
Once upon a time, my toes used to touch the floor.

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Movin’ on up.

This weekends rehearsals went fairly well. We had Winkie Guards on Friday and Saturday and Crows on Sunday. We learned a few more scenes for Winkie Guards, so we’re getting some progress done. Yay progress!
There was an unknown Winkie Guards solo they were casting during auditions that we only found out about this weekend. And even then, we weren’t even sure if it was specific or not. It was so casual at first no one thought anything of it. As soon as Mrs. Julie showed Emerson (!!!!!!) the blocking, I knew it had to be specific. And I was SO proud!! Like. It’s been almost a week and I still can’t contain my excitement for her and my pride for how well she completely NAILS IT.
It starts with a soute, glissade, grand jete. (I suck at grand jete’s. Emerson does them absolutely beautifully.) Then it’s a double en dedans pirouette. Then it goes into a bunch of sissonnes that throw in some temps de cuisse which we hadn’t been shown before really, but aren’t difficult. The sissonnes are quick and change direction and I would have probably needed to think about them for a second.
Not Emerson.
She was shown and nailed it first try with pointed feet and perfect technique.
It makes me so happy because Emerson is so talented. I stand next to her at the barre and I see her improve every week. But she’s not one of the outspoken girls in class. She’s quieter and really sweet. Usually, those are the types to get overlooked, especially with all the bold girls in our class specifically. But they didn’t. They saw her and gave it to her and she is completely rocking it.

A few girls have missed a lot of rehearsals and it’s gonna be rough catching them up. I’m fairly confident in my knowledge of what we learned but with only six more weeks of rehearsals and half of those being full cast, we don’t really have time to teach them everything we learned. I’ve noticed when the girls next to me aren’t confident in what they’re doing, it makes me anxious. I’ve noticed this lately throughout life in general, and I’m not sure if this is the new normal or if it’s situational, but it’s exhausting currently. I love my friends and I want to support them, and it’s not all the time. I think it’s when someone is anxious over something that doesn’t have to be that way. Like if it’s something that could have been avoided or something they just need to face. I get anxious over things like that, too, (currently it’s over having to figure out how to get a new passport picture. Our post office is failing.) but if I have to face my anxieties, I guess I don’t see it as fair that they don’t. Meh. oh well.

Anyway. I was talking to Mrs. Julie after class one of the days and she mentioned how Emerson is the one that takes the extra classes and works really hard to get where she is.
I want to improve. I want to take extra classes.
Like, really really want to.
So I looked into it. I thought about it for a bit to see if it was realistic and checked the pricing. Surprisingly it’s not too steep and I should be able to tighten up enough to make it work. Yesterday before my V’s class I asked Ms. Nancy about it. Ms. Munro was there, too, and her face lit up when she heard what I was asking. She asked, “Do you pay for all of this yourself?” To which I replied that I did and she asked where I worked and I told her. Most people who dance come from wealthy families because it’s expensive. I’m by no means wealthy, I’m just fortunate to have parents who don’t charge me rent until the back house is done and even then it won’t be much. Somehow it works.

Now, with rehearsals and everything, it looks like most weeks the only day I won’t be dancing is Wednesday.

I’m incredibly excited!

Hoping my body doesn’t give out on me.

Then, in class yesterday, one of the girls my age (who is more advanced and also a teacher) was standing behind me at the barre. We had a lot of quick-footed combinations, and even if I didn’t execute them perfectly, I was able to do my best and keep time.
She made a comment, “I like standing by you! I can follow you!”
Which made me feel like maybe I don’t suck as badly as I feel I do.
Also, did a better Grande Jete across the floor so even if it’s still sub-par, at least I’m getting better.

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