Monday’s class wasn’t really anything noteworthy. I ended up feeling kinda frustrated. But whatever.
The good thing was that my friend from Instep, McKenna, came to class! I hadn’t danced with her since the studio closed down. She graduated and went off to school, so getting to take class with her, let alone see her, was wonderful!
Yesterday’s class was a little better. My brain felt a little bit clearer and I was a little more confident in the combinations. The only thing I really struggled in shouldn’t have been a struggle, which was frustrating. We were en pointe, and doing these different develope’s and promenades and things similar, and I just couldn’t hold the balance on flat to save my life! I know I can do it in flat shoes, but something about the shank completely throws me off. I tried anyway, even though I really didn’t want to. At all. It’s just really disheartening when you know you can do better, but can’t.
I asked Elizabeth what she thought, and she mentioned it may be related to the thickness of the shanks giving it a more defined edge and to try filing them down to help give me more stability. I’ve always had extra hard shanks, so I’ve never known it wasn’t supposed to feel this way. We’re gonna try it out. Hopefully it helps.
I was able to do more in class than I expected. Not sure if that’s sad or not? Because it really wasn’t much. I’m a bit nervous for V’s next year, but I’m still going to do my best and try to keep a clear head. I didn’t do any pirouettes yesterday, but because the teacher didn’t want the younger level to do them. So since I’m part of the younger level I just worked on trying to get a really good balance. (Some of the girls still turned. But I can’t remember working on getting a really good balance other than the one time with Abby, so I stuck to it.) There were times I even struggled with that, but it was usually when I ended up on the tape seam on the floor. (these floors can be problematic.)
Overall, I left the class feeling good. I think it’ll be good to have a break from it all for a bit to come back (hopefully) stronger.
I had a bit of a hard time with the little ones at a few points, but I think mainly it’s because this is the next level of new for me. It’s not something I’ve mastered already and am super confident in. I have to focus harder and really keep my game face on and pay attention to everything the teacher does. Sometimes they can get over-chatty (I mean, sometimes I talk, too, but this was a bit much.) and distracting and asking questions that I don’t have answers for. I love them very dearly, but sometimes its difficult. (a few of them are good about keeping quiet if I ask. But. Yeah. Anywho.)
I’m really grateful for the people that have been in class and willing to help me when I had a quick question. Like Cheyanne clarifying something for me, or Abarrane giving me a confidence boost even if I was really failing, or Elizabeth helping with just about anything. Then the ones that are always consistent good examples and clear dancers so I know I can watch them and get a better grasp of what’s going on.
I think I’m finding it increasingly difficult to try and learn these new and complex things in such a fast paced and crowded environment. I even found myself saying how I wished the studio was Abby’s house so we could work on it like here. (actually, I said “I wish the stubby was addio’s house. Wait.” and then laughed at how my mouth doesn’t like to work sometimes.) Even so, we get so much done in those privates. I just hate how uncomfortable and verge-of-anxious I feel in those moments before these difficult things I’m not confident in. I have to do them but I don’t fully grasp what I’m doing and that makes me feel panicky. With Abby, I don’t feel that panic, because I know she’s got my best interest at heart and is watching to make sure I do what I need to do and if I don’t she’ll correct me. In class you can kind of get lost in the noise.
I’ll have a few polariods to post later. I meant to do it but I’m leaving the country soooooooooooooo I ran out of time.
That being said, I won’t be back in class til after I get back. Not sure what August classes consist of, so we’ll see. Whatever classes are, I’m sure I’ll be working with Abby who is wonderful and always watching out for me.
Started ballet late October of 2011 at the age of 23.
Began pointe training late August of 2013.