If you’re just here for all the ballet goodness, you may not care too much about this post.
Obviously, it involves ballet, but it also involves parts of the very real struggle I face everyday. I keep going, in spite of it, because I know if I stop I’ll never get past the point of where I am–I’ll never improve–so I keep going and take things as they come.
Yesterday was our V’s class. I look forward to this class because I really get to work on pointe stuff. My knee hasn’t been hurting as badly as usual, so that’s a plus. I even did my tap class without a brace on and it did just fine! I think strengthening those muscles is helping tremendously.
I noticed I was a bit spacey, but figured it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Maybe I’m just having an off day. I can do my best still and I’ll be fine.
We got started on barre. I focused on breathing more than usual (thanks Mrs. Alex!) which made a difference. But then I started feeling pretty crummy. This always seems to happen on Wednesdays, which is incredibly frustrating. I kept pushing through class, trying to figure out what is different that would make Wednesdays more difficult. Is it the fact I have tap before? Is it because it’s a later class? Is it the crunches at the beginning? Is it because it’s my longest class?
I kept going, trying to just shake it off. I noticed my vision would sort of get foggy, if that makes sense?, but not super extreme. Just enough to notice.
Then when we got to a sharp combination with a few turns, I noticed someone on my left side felt weird. I could feel it in my stomach, but not just that. It was in my chest.
My heart felt weird.
Like it was struggling. It wasn’t beating hard or anything. It felt like it was straining.
That’s when I remembered that I had blood work done that morning, and apparently I’m anemic, so even though I’ve done blood work more times than I can count, this was the first time to have it while living such an active lifestyle.
I noticed my knee not hurting so badly, even in fondus. I noticed I was fighting to keep my hips square, and when I didn’t give in to sinking into my standing leg, my knee was fine. It seems as though the unevenness in my hips, legs, back, etc has gotten worse. I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s very clear when you look at me. I see my chiropractor on Monday, so I think I’m going to make a list of things to ask him. Will this always be how it is? Is there anything that can be done? Better ways to combat it?
I left class after barre, so about 45 minutes early. I didn’t want to at all, but I knew I had to. I told Mrs. Alex I was going to leave and that I had blood work done today and didn’t expect it to affect me like this. She said it could have made me anemic and I told her I apparently already am, and I’ve had blood work before, but this was new. She seemed concerned and told me I was doing the right thing, so that was nice.
It just sucks.
Will my body ever not have issues?
Please, if you have a healthy, normal body, appreciate it. Don’t jack it up or take it for granted. Don’t be lazy with it. There are people out there who would give anything to just simply have a body that does what its supposed to do.
I’m grateful I’m still able to find ways to dance through all my issues right now. Its why I refuse to make excuses. Its why I keep pushing through. My body may not be perfect, but I’m so grateful its not worse than what it is.
Maybe one day things won’t be like this. Maybe this is the best I’ll ever know it to be. There’s always something you can find to complain about, why not find the positive instead?