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Emilee

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My front facing camera broke on my phone, making my already limited picture taking even MORE limited. Have a throw back from last spring. I have a blog post in the works. Life has been kinda nutty, my laptop *also* bit the dirt, and things have been kind of overwhelming. Y’all are always on my mind, though! You’ll be hearing from me soon. 💕
Classes yesterday brought to you in part by @leakycon (I don’t usually dress up for costume week, but i do try and incorporate Harry Potter to some degree 🤷🏼‍♀️)
New blog post, link in bio!
My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
Old picture, new post Link in bio
Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me

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Week off.

The past five days, I haven’t gone to work or dance.
I’ve learned tons and caught up on a million things I needed to get done, with about a million more that will be left unfinished (Among those is the pictures I’m currently editing, and the ones I won’t have time to finish. And laundry is waiting for me when I run out of time here. And the lady behind me at Starbucks has a really annoying and obnoxiously loud voice and of course I forgot my earbuds.)
My knees are feeling better, but we have Rat Queen rehearsal tomorrow, so that probably won’t last long. I have to learn how to press through it.
I’ve missed class to an extent, but I know I mentally needed a break. I’ve been forced to come to terms with certain aspects of my life that can’t change, and also realize certain other areas of strength. It’s been great to really take a breath and remember who I am and why without the constant buzzing of everyone else in my ears.
I think I may have liked it too much.

I took the headshots for the principal dancers as well as Ms. Munro and Mrs. Alex today. It was fun to be in the studio in real clothes, and to be around dance again. I’ll be there for hours tomorrow for rehearsal, which I’m hoping will go well now that I am coming into it with a relatively clear mind.
I’m not going to lie, there are certain people and elements of being around so many people that I am not looking forward to, but I know it’ll be okay in the end.

This is a short update, but an update nonetheless.
I’m going to get cracking on editing now and hopefully get this done.

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