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Emilee

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My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
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Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me
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Gotta get back to Hogwarts Gotta get back to school Gotta get myself to Hogwarts Where everything is magicooooool
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Court Lady and Hunts Woman fittings

Today was my turn for costume fittings. 

I still have no clue what our roles actually do, but I think it is safe to say I like them a whole lot more after costume fittings today. 

We did Court Ladies first, which have these hoop skirts and dresses in three pieces made to look like the time of the story. 

I first tried on one that was pink and blue. It was really pretty, but just a bit too short in the torso for me. (I have a pathetically long torso and my waist is really high. The struggle. It’s so real.) We tried a second one that is various blues. Oh my gosh I love it so much. Abarrane said I looked like Felicity from the American Girl Dolls, which–lets be real–who doesn’t want to be her? I feel so regal in it. It’s like seeing all those period movies and wishing you could be in them and now I get to via ballet. The arms are a little tight, and the torso is actually a little short, but I told Mrs Jane I have a blue leotard if I need to wear it and she said there’s a bit of space where she can make it longer. I’m so excited. 

  
The second fitting was for the Hunts Woman. Once again, no clue what we’re actually doing. But we get to wear big feathered hats and it’s pretty much the greatest. 

Mrs Jane handed me specific dresses both times. I’m not sure if it’s just what’s best to my measurements or if she was trying to get me the best ones because really I got the best ones in my opinion. (Although some of the other ones are great too. Mine are just my favorite.) 

It fit perfectly and I don’t think needs anything done to it. I knew it looked like something but I couldn’t put my finger on what. My sister said Buttercup from The Princess Bride. Bam. Heck yes. 

   
 
Overall I’m really excited. 

It was nice to be the one in the fitting that just fit the costumes. If you recall from last year, it was quite a struggle to get the costumes to work for me. (Did I write about that? I thought I did but just tried to find the post and failed. Maybe it was too personal for me and I kept it to myself. Oh well.) I felt so very defeated. But this year that wasn’t the case. And it felt even better to know they don’t have to do as many alterations to mine either. 

We have pictures next weekend and I believe our first rehearsals for these the next weekend. I don’t expect them to be too complicated since we only have one rehearsal for them before we rehearse all of swan lake together. 

A little bird told me that there are over 70 villagers all together. How they’ll all fit on stage, I have no idea. Good thing the kids are small? Haha 

Here’s a few more pictures from today. Mostly compliments of Lillian 🙂 

   
    
    
    
    
    
   

This entry was posted in dance.
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