search instagram arrow-down
Emilee

Instagram

My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
Old picture, new post Link in bio
Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me
Hi, it’s been a minute, new blog post. Link in bio.
Gotta get back to Hogwarts Gotta get back to school Gotta get myself to Hogwarts Where everything is magicooooool
Mischief Managed.

Recent Posts

Recent Comments

vtgem24 on Oh, hi.
anothernightatthebar… on It comes and goes in wave…
vtgem24 on It comes and goes in wave…
anothernightatthebar… on Kansas City Meet-Up
vtgem24 on Kansas City Meet-Up

Archives

Categories

Meta

Categories

Meta

Interim classes.

Yesterday started off as one of those rough days. It was a struggle, and all I could think of was that at the end of the day, I got to dance.
I didn’t so much care that it was in a studio or in a class, I just wanted an empty space and music to move to.

Matthew taught class, which is always exciting. I love how he’ll explain the details of things, and bring visual explanations of proper alignment, etc, to help us fully understand where we are and if it’s where we need to be.

The class was pretty full, with a decently mixed array of people. One of my favorite moments was definitely when Matthew was explaining how it’s good for your muscles if the room isn’t too cold. “Unless it’s so hot you pass out. That’s not very good for your health.” We laughed pretty hard about that one.

A friend of mine from my old studio came to class–her first in two years. It was so great to see her, and even more wonderful getting to dance with her again.
It was cool, too, dancing beside her now. She was there when I first started, being one of the advanced dancers that I looked to and one day wanted to be like, to dance like. And now, here we were, side by side at the barre, and I saw that she was no longer just my superior, but more or less my equal. Though now I also see that in this endeavor to better ourselves in this art form as adults, there really isn’t one more superior than the other. There really isn’t equals. We’re all here for the same reason–we dance to feel alive. As long as we keep striving for that, then we are successful, wherever we may be in skill and technique. (Keep in mind, we also aren’t trying to make a career out of this. Adult recreational dancing is something else entirely. Anyway.) Paige and I were talking before class, catching up since we saw each other last, and she asked about dance and made a comment, “You’ve gotten good now!” These side comments really mean a lot to me, because she saw me at my worst, at my beginning. She was in those first classes of mine when I was no better than a baby deer. When everything I am as a dancer now was nothing more than hopes and dreams. Sometimes you forget that you aren’t still in those baby deer days. You’re still you. But if you dedicate time to anything, it’s bound to improve. You can’t forget where you came from, but you can’t ignore progress either. You may not be where you want to be, but you sure aren’t where you started.

I managed to hold my balances in passe and coupe at the barre longer than I usually do, which was a pretty exciting accomplishment. I struggle trying to hold myself steady as I’m still trying to navigate proper alignment with two slight curves in my back and uneven hips. I know it’s not impossible, it’s just something to figure out how to work with it. People fight worse and still have careers, I can find a way to make this work dancing for funsies. My turns and most of center was far from par, but that’s okay. I tried and I learned and I know it’s something I can do on most days. I’m not worried.

Summer classes are still my favorite. I’m a bit nervous for Fall classes to start, mainly because the flow will be so different for me this year, and responsibility is a thing. I’m excited to get to teach some babies, but still a little nervous. It will be good though, and I have good resources and people to help me should I need advice.

I want to hopefully try my shoes before next class to see if I can get them situated to where the toe pain isn’t excruciating.

I finally got my picture with Matthew, before he goes off to the great big world that is College.


Can’t believe I never got any during shows or recital. Ugh. I take pictures of everything but tend to forget important things.

We still have a few more weeks of summer. I’m trying to get everything done that I need to before I’m dancing on my days off and driving all over the countryside all the time again. (It’s about 80 miles round trip for me to dance and back, which I’ll be doing four days most weeks and five+ on others.)

Leave a Reply
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: