This weekend ended up taking more out of me than I originally anticipated.
Trying to find the balance in my life while not feeling like I’m nothing but a mass taking up space is a hard feat, it turns out. I was exhausted, but I went to class anyway.
When I got there I highly considered curling up in my car and sleeping instead, but I didn’t.
Class was great. There was a new girl, which was refreshing. She has some serious skill, too, and I really hope she comes back!
I got a couple of “good!”‘s from the teacher, which made me feel, well, good. I was at the barre farther from the mirror, so you can actually see yourself in the mirror, and I stole a few glances here and there. I’m not really one to look at myself in the mirror since I’m prone to self criticism, but this time I was glad I did. It reminded me that my body is shaped the way it is largely due to the work I’ve put in to this art craft to make it work the best for what I do and to create the lines I want. I’m not perfect by a long shot, but I have put 5.5 years into this, and that long into anything shows some sort of results.
Dancing made me feel alive. It also reminded me of all the reasons I dance for my health. It also brought a harsh reminder of all the ways my body can’t keep up like it used to. I was out of breath sooner, my heart pounded harder, and by the end of it I was ready to sleep for 12 hours. But I had to wake up and go to work. Exhausted. Like I said, still trying to find the balance.
I did manage some really solid turns. Probably the cleanest turns I’ve had, maybe ever. Including inside turns, which are my demise. Granted, they weren’t en pointe, but I implemented what the teacher said in class on Wednesday about putting your weight onto the standing leg to help with the balance and-bam-I balanced. Imagine that, right?
I want to go to class tomorrow, and I think I could manage it, except for the fact that this weekend how now become incredibly full. This past weekend was also full, and if I want to be of any use at work I have to cut back. This is all beyond frustrating, but in trying to do what I can while I can and make the most of what I’m given, yet not over do it.
I got to wear my new skirt! Which was the best part. I’m obsessed, y’all.
but isn’t the skirt so pretty?
Hope y’all are well!
Started ballet late October of 2011 at the age of 23.
Began pointe training late August of 2013.