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Emilee

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My front facing camera broke on my phone, making my already limited picture taking even MORE limited. Have a throw back from last spring. I have a blog post in the works. Life has been kinda nutty, my laptop *also* bit the dirt, and things have been kind of overwhelming. Y’all are always on my mind, though! You’ll be hearing from me soon. 💕
Classes yesterday brought to you in part by @leakycon (I don’t usually dress up for costume week, but i do try and incorporate Harry Potter to some degree 🤷🏼‍♀️)
New blog post, link in bio!
My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
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Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me

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In the studio.

My friend is in town for the holiday and we met up on Wednesday to work on some choreography we’ve been toying with for a bit.

It felt so good to just be there, with really good music, and good company that understands how sacred that can be. My heart had yearned for this. It seemed to soar.

We were in the studio for about three hours, much of that I wasn’t dancing. Even though my heart was on cloud nine and I longed so much to just move to the music, reality is my body still sucks, and I need to be careful.

We got a good bit of choreography down solid, which is really exciting. It’s a song I’ve had from one of my absolutely favorite artists. She sent it her demo when I was going through a really rough time and it’s just really special to me. I waited for her new album to come out so I could openly use the song, but it didn’t make the cut.

Out of respect, I don’t want to post anything from it. It’s not my song and I don’t want it to get copied or stolen off the interwebz.

But the song still moves me, and I want to put movement to it. I recruited this friend because I love her style and think she could really grasp what it is the song makes us feel and give it an image through dance.

It felt so good to move. To express. To do the little bit I could let myself do and just go for it. Equally, it was so great to see how much my friend has grown in the time I’ve known her, and to hear stories of all she’s learning and really see the development in her character and art. She is living.

I’m still struggling from the exertion, but it was worth it. I’m taking class on Wednesday since it’s my friends first class, so hopefully that doesn’t end up being too much.

It’s crazy to see how fast my life turned to this from what it used to be.

I’ve got my kids recital costumes picked out and I’m working on picking music and trying to choreograph their stuff. That should be fun.

I’m currently wearing a heart monitor for the next two days to see if it picks up anything weird. I’m glad it’s only two days but also wish it were longer. I don’t know if anything will show up on my two most laid back days of this entire month, but oh well.

I’ll keep y’all updated.

This entry was posted in dance.
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