Today was one of those days.
I was feeling confident going into it, I guess
But I was also at a point where I knew…
I need to man up and press myself harder than before.
I need to start looking in the mirror and seeing what I need to improve.
Can sometimes be a harsh reality, but it’s needed.
I need to get better.
I told Jilissa I want to be on pointe. Therefore, she’s gonna push me harder.
Today, I signed up for the recital.
No going back now.
So, I know I gotta man up and do better.
So, with a day such as this, there isn’t much praise.
Yes, I have my little victories;
Nailing the pirouette on both sides, remembering the combinations, being able to pay attention to the details of my arms.
So, class is over, and Jilissa’s at the end of the hall talking to a girl who was new to class today.
I hear my name.
“Emilee started taking once a week a year ago. Then started taking two just recently.”
I look up at her. She said, “Can you tell a difference?”
Me: “An enormous difference”
They continued on with their conversation.
Just a little thing, a moment. And in that moment, it’s like Jilissa’s telling me she sees my work and that I’m improving…
Now, I could beat myself up at the fact that I couldn’t do two classes a week sooner. That it held me back. That I coulda been better faster. That this was a criticism of the fact that it took me so long to get to where I am when all I needed to do was get in 2 classes a week.
But I know why I couldn’t get in earlier. I know how it killed me inside. I know how it kills me to not be able to do better from where I am now.
I just have to believe in myself. To know that I’m doing my best every day, and every class. That I take what I need and focus. To get my wits about me. To make the most of every moment I get to dedicate to it.
I have goals and dreams. As long as I work hard and believe I can do it, then nothing will stop me.