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Emilee

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My front facing camera broke on my phone, making my already limited picture taking even MORE limited. Have a throw back from last spring. I have a blog post in the works. Life has been kinda nutty, my laptop *also* bit the dirt, and things have been kind of overwhelming. Y’all are always on my mind, though! You’ll be hearing from me soon. 💕
Classes yesterday brought to you in part by @leakycon (I don’t usually dress up for costume week, but i do try and incorporate Harry Potter to some degree 🤷🏼‍♀️)
New blog post, link in bio!
My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
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Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me

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Defining lines.

Jilissa is putting together the steps for the winter showcase.
In doing so, she’s taking every chance to sharpen us and point out things we need to improve.

Today she spoke on the details. The “make it or break it”s. The things that are the difference between leaving the audience amazed or leaving them cringing.
She told us that as we watch ourselves in the mirror, we shouldn’t be watching the things we do well. Instead, we should be watching and examining our flaws.
If all you’re doing is seeing what you do right, you’ll never fix what is wrong. You’ll never notice it. Knowing is half the battle.
She had us redo the combination. She said, “I don’t care if your leg doesn’t get as high or your jumps aren’t as big. I want to see you focus on what you need to improve. That improvement will make up for everything else.”

It stuck out to me.
Like our lives.
If all we do is focus on and take pride in the things we do right, we won’t have much chance of improving.
What we tend to do is ignore our flaws, our mistakes, the things we aren’t too proud of. We sweep it under the rug and try to carry on this flawless dance. But that’s not how it works.
You can have perfect technique, but if your arms aren’t right, the audience will know.
You can live your whole life with “perfect technique” but when it comes to the “show” if one thing is flawed, eventually it’ll be found out.
Instead, face your flaws head on. Address them. Work on them. If you work on them, then you’ll improve. Sure, it’ll take time, but it’s worth it.
It’s what sets you apart, what defines your level. what can take you from Beginner to Intermediate or Intermediate to Advanced.
Take the time now to look at your flaws head on. you may cringe, but make the effort and you will see that your dance will be a beautiful one.

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