Go One More.

 I missed dance class on Monday, and frankly, with the week I’ve had, I thought about skipping today.
I was afraid going into it that the mental drain and toll the last couple of days has had on me would hinder my dancing more than help.
Sometimes, pushing through and going anyway helps break through some of the mental strain. Other times, it takes a toll on my confidence and my dancing lacks greatly.
I don’t like those days.
I haven’t had one in a while, but I was certain today would break that record.

I considered it.
All of it.
What am I doing in dance anyway?
What is it going to do for me?
Where am I going to go with it?
What’s the point of pursuing these dreams of mine? I’d have tons more time if I didn’t fight for this.
Why fight?
My health makes it difficult, too.
Why fight…
It’s hard. People don’t think it’s a necessity. They think it’s a waste of time.
A fleeting dream.
Grow up, Emilee.

I went anyway.
Started feeling a little light headed part way through it.
But I shut off my brain and kept going.

The last third of the class, Jilissa starts talking really serious to us.
That she wanted us to consider the Holiday Showcase.
If we didn’t want to do it, that’s okay, but she expected each of us to do it.
She said she used the word “expected” because it has the connotation of if we didn’t she’d be disappointed.
And she said this in a lighthearted way, not being mean or anything.

Last year, I wasn’t in the Holiday Showcase. I wasn’t asked, I didn’t even really hear about it.
Granted, I was only a few weeks into classes around this time, and got into a car accident last November that put me out for a couple weeks.
But this year, I got invited to be a part.

It’s gonna take practicing, for sure. But we’ll work on the dance in class.
With this kind of thing, if I know the steps and can work on them at home, I’ll do well.
Well… well enough to get on that stage.
It puts the pressure on.
But, this is what I love…

I left that dance class with a spring in my step.
Dancing is part of me…
Sure, I’m not that great yet, but that’s what time and dedication is for.
I’ll get there.
It takes me to a different place, it helps me escape everything, if only for an hour.
And when I leave, all the burdens that seemed to be the size of boulders walking in feel like nothing more than the size of a bean.

I got this.
Everything’s gonna be okay.

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anothernightatthebarre View All →

Started ballet late October of 2011 at the age of 23.
Began pointe training late August of 2013.

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