Dance first, think later.

I’ve been having hard time in my life lately.
Things I thought I had learned long ago seem to haunt me.
Too many days I’ve found myself with my head in my hands
Cheeks black with tears.
If I let myself think, even (especially) about those I love, the pain is too much to handle.
Sometimes I feel as if I can’t breathe.

When everything seems hopeless, I have one ray of light.
Dance.
And it may sound childish, or cheesy, or whatever, but it’s true.
When I dance, nothing matters. My brain shuts down.
There’s no room for thinking, all your energy is channeled into focusing.
The people in my class make me feel like I matter.

I may not be the greatest dancer, even for how long I’ve been in class.
But that doesn’t matter to me anymore.
I don’t dance to be good. I want to improve, yes, but what matters most is what dance does for me.
It’s my chance to be selfish.
To take my hour and a half that I’m there and shut out the world.
Nothing matters.
It’ll be waiting for me when I get back.

And it is.
Whatever.
I can’t make it go away.
But the two+ hours a week that I can avoid it, pure bliss.

Published by

anothernightatthebarre

Started ballet late October of 2011 at the age of 23. Began pointe training late August of 2013.

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