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Emilee

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My front facing camera broke on my phone, making my already limited picture taking even MORE limited. Have a throw back from last spring. I have a blog post in the works. Life has been kinda nutty, my laptop *also* bit the dirt, and things have been kind of overwhelming. Y’all are always on my mind, though! You’ll be hearing from me soon. 💕
Classes yesterday brought to you in part by @leakycon (I don’t usually dress up for costume week, but i do try and incorporate Harry Potter to some degree 🤷🏼‍♀️)
New blog post, link in bio!
My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
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Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me

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Find your center.

Use your center.

If I had a dollar for every time my dance teacher said this, I’d be a millionaire.
Your center-your core- is one of the most important things to engage in dance. If you don’t have your center,  if you can’t find it, if you don’t use it, you’re not going to look very graceful. If you can even make it through the combination.
I’ve been having a hard time recently. An identity crisis, of sorts. 
I didn’t feel like I know who I really was. I knew me, but I felt like the core of me had disappeared. 
One of my closest friends, Kristin, and I went to go see our traditional movie around Christmas. This year we went to see Rise of the Guardians.  
Oh. My. Gosh.
So good. 
It was actually her second time seeing it, and I can see why.
It has such a wonderful message behind it, and it played right to my heart.
What’s your point? What are you here for? What makes you tick? 
If you can find that, then you’re set.
I went to my parents church last Wednesday.
Wouldn’t you know it, they went on a “Jesus is at the center of it all” tangent. 
And it made perfect sense. 
He should be my center. He should be what defines me, what keeps me going.
I realized why it is that so many people feel they have a say in my life and decisions.
Because I let them.
I’ve been so concerned with not offending anyone that I had lost who I am.
I would tweak things about myself to better mesh with them and their personalities and lifestyles.
Nothing too drastic or life altering, per se. I didn’t do drugs or sleep around or anything like that, but it affected me nonetheless.
I need to find my center. What makes me tick. What makes me who I am.
No one can define it for me, and if I rely on that I am setting myself up for failure.
I can hold people and things close, but I have to remember that it is indeed all temporary. 
And if I was to lose everything I know and love, I can’t let it break me down.
Sure, it would hurt and it would be an adjustment. But I can’t let it break me.
This dance we call life. It’ll look a whole lot better if we find our center and engage it. 
Life makes so much more sense and is more enjoyable now.
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