I swear I had a good title for this…

I remember thinking of a good title for this as I was trying to fall asleep last night.
Buuuut, I can’t remember it anymore.

I almost didn’t go to dance yesterday.
I was having a rough day, and really didn’t want everything to go bad.
I figured if I didn’t go to dance, then I couldn’t fail, right?

Well, I went anyway.
After all, it is the one thing that makes me feel alive.
Figured I’d give it a shot.
If I failed, I failed.
I’d just cry my tears, get back up, and try again tomorrow.
(so dramatic.)

Jilissa told us we wouldn’t be having advanced class that day.
She’s involved in about a million other things, and had a rehearsal last night.
(preceded and followed by other long-houred rehearsals)
This was okay with me.
I wasn’t sure if I would have the mental capacity to make it through a class that’s technically still out of my league. (I would have sucked it up and done it anyway, and probably loved it, but I was okay with not having to.)

I’ve really been trying to work harder. I want to get better, stronger, and to do that I have to push myself.
If I’m not shaking at the end of class, I didn’t push hard enough.
I’m trying to carry it through to home, too.
I want to do everything in my power to get better.
I was excited when we got to pointe class and she was having us do things I was really wanting to work on.
Okay, truth be told, I was terrified at first.
But I knew the girls next to me weren’t feeling very confident either, so I gave them a fist bump and said, “we got this.” They gave me a confident nod, and we pressed on.
Wouldn’t you know it, we were able to get through the complicated, challenge our endurance, and surprise ourselves.

When we went across the floor, the first thing she wanted us to do in the combination was pirouettes from forth.
Not gonna lie, I was scared.
I haven’t been able to successfully do these.
And by that, I mean, I haven’t been able to even get around, let alone do them correctly.
I psyched myself up, and just went for it.
I didn’t do it technically correct, but I did get around.
I didn’t freak out, and was able to go through the motions, to help my brain process what my feet should be doing. The first step to improvement.
I was able to do the arabesque and pique develope devant, which is what I was doing when I ate it a couple weeks ago.

I was pretty excited when she said we were going to do pique turns next.
I’ve been wanting to work on these so much.
I tend to bend my knee, forget to plie enough, and dip my shoulder during the turn.
“Two pique turns, and two lame ducks. That’s it.”
…That’s it? That’s it?
Lame ducks. Another demise. Can my brain process that on pointe?
Oh well, here goes nothing.

At first, my knee was bending.
I was getting frustrated with myself, that is not acceptable.
Then, for some reason, everything clicked.
Knee straight, plie, spot, shoulders square.
I did it!
I even made it into the lame ducks successfully!
Jilissa saw it and said, “Good, Emilee!”
(Ps. That is like, the best thing a teacher can do to a dance. Next to using you as an example.The latter is rather rare.)
I made some comment mindlessly, since I’m awkward with compliments. I cringed at myself, but was so proud at the same time.
I’m getting it.

Now the left side.
I did it once, I can do it again, right? After all, left is my better side oddly enough.
So there I go, knee straigh, plie, spot, shoulders square.
Pique, pique, lame duck, lame duck, Pique…
“Good, Emilee!! That’s it!!”
I had to break the pattern there as I almost ran into someone else, but in that I caught Jilissa’s face.
It was an expression of accomplishment. One that said her words were intentional. That they were meant.
I smiled huge, and managed to contain my excitement. But when I got to the other side, Kali was there with a giant grin and a high five. She understood my excitement. 🙂

GUYS, THAT NEVER HAPPENS.
COMPLIMENTS ARE RARE.
I’M FREAKIN OUT OVER HERE!!

Needless to say, yesterday was a great day for dance, and I’m so glad that I went.
I felt good, I got compliments on pointe, and really seem to be getting somewhere.
Granted, I couldn’t do all the bourrees since I killed my toes on the turns, but I was able to keep up in what I did. Another first.

Now I can’t wait to get the old storage building thing cleaned up so I can have a place to practice.
Until then, I’ll keep doing what I can.

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