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Emilee

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My front facing camera broke on my phone, making my already limited picture taking even MORE limited. Have a throw back from last spring. I have a blog post in the works. Life has been kinda nutty, my laptop *also* bit the dirt, and things have been kind of overwhelming. Y’all are always on my mind, though! You’ll be hearing from me soon. 💕
Classes yesterday brought to you in part by @leakycon (I don’t usually dress up for costume week, but i do try and incorporate Harry Potter to some degree 🤷🏼‍♀️)
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My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
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Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me

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Ugly Ducklings.

As I’ve mentioned before, the other covers and I decided to form a squad to help us get through the fact that we’re all a bit disappointed to not be swans. We’re getting shirts made, and I told them we’d have a sleepover at my house all together.  

We had picked tonight as the Ugly Duckling night, but a few girls couldn’t stay over so we decided to see a movie that way whoever couldn’t stay over could still be a part. Turns out no one could stay over, so the movie was a great idea, haha! We also invited Ileana and Emerson, as our voted and elected mascots. When we planned the Ugly Duckling day, it felt weird not having them a part of it. They’ve been nothing but supportive and inclusive to us the whole time, they never make us feel lesser. They’re our friends. We’re proud of them and they’re proud of us. 

Emerson was able to meet me at the studio to ride with me, but before that she helped me with the baby class I usually assist with. Mia, whose the teacher, had to sub the class in the other studio so I taught ours tonight. It was so helpful having Emerson as one of the more rambunctious kids was there. Overall it went well, and we had a great time. They’re such a hilarious group, and really help remind you of why you love to dance. To them, you’re the greatest dancer in the world. And they’ll tell you. (Especially when they want to be the line leader, haha!)

Turns out Isabel couldn’t make it, but the rest of us could. We saw Zootopia, which I had seen previews for but wasn’t really sure what the story line was. I knew it had animals, and sloths, and would be a safe bet for the younger girls as well as one the losers would enjoy. 

Turns out, it was the perfect Ugly Duckling movie. 

It was all about being told you’ll never be able to be what you dream, but that if you work hard and never give up it will be worth it. 

We got into the theater a bit late, due to the long popcorn line, so finding six seats together was difficult. We found three and we’re gonna split us up three and three, but then a nice couple moved over to make four and we fit 6 of us in the four chairs–quite comfortably I might add. Perks of being dancers I guess, haha!

Overall we had such a fun time. I was so glad we were all able to have this time together. These girls are what make Swan Lake for me, and I can never express how much I appreciate them. 

We also ran into a few other people from the studio, which was fun. 

Life has been crazy and stressful and hectic, but tonight had me smiling til my face hurt. For no real reason other than being around these girls makes me so happy. I found myself still smiling when I was half way home. (Ya know, 20 minutes after I left them.) 

We didn’t get together and complain about the injustice. It wasn’t weird having the two swan “mascots” among us. It was just a fun time with our friends. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express how much tonight meant to me. 

These girls are what it’s about. Doing what you love, with who you love, simply because you love it. Supporting each other no matter the outcome. These are my cheerleaders, my support system. I have others as well, but these have a truly special place in my heart since we have been together since I came to this studio. I’ve watched them grow as dancers and as people (and, let’s face it, they’re getting  taller too) and I’m so proud of what I see. 

They make this whole experience worth it. 

(Thanks, girls. I love you so much.) 

  
My ducks 🙂 

This entry was posted in dance.
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