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Emilee

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My front facing camera broke on my phone, making my already limited picture taking even MORE limited. Have a throw back from last spring. I have a blog post in the works. Life has been kinda nutty, my laptop *also* bit the dirt, and things have been kind of overwhelming. Y’all are always on my mind, though! You’ll be hearing from me soon. 💕
Classes yesterday brought to you in part by @leakycon (I don’t usually dress up for costume week, but i do try and incorporate Harry Potter to some degree 🤷🏼‍♀️)
New blog post, link in bio!
My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
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Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me

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Selena Week, Night 3/ School Show 

Yesterday we ran the full show in costume straight through. 

I did Act I, then quick changed into Swan for Act II for Lauren’s part. After Act II I took my Hunts Woman costume upstairs. Ms Munro came upstairs and told me to have Hannah do Act IV swan. She had ran it more and it would work well. I agreed and asked her if my runs were any better. She said a little, and showed me how to do them and broke it down a little more for me. My friend Andie was in the audience and was able to tell me what the diff rbetween do was in me compared to everyone else that made me stick out in a bad way. So that helped too. 

I had actually asked one of the other girls if I should ask Ms Munro if Hannah should do Act IV since she had run it so much and her ballet runs are so much better than mine so she would look better overall. This way, I didn’t have to, haha, so that was nice. I’m glad it worked out that way. 
When I took the tape off my feet, it was a little more painful on the right one. I realized when I got home that a blister had formed right where the tape ends, half under and half not, so when I took the tape off it popped it. So that’s cute. 

I got to the theatre this morning and Mrs Alex saw me and asked me how I was feeling. I told her I felt great. I had slept and my feet were good and I was good. She said, “I think we’re gonna keep it how it’s been. It worked really nicely that way.” I asked to make sure Hannah was doing school show and she said yes, and I said great and we went on our way. It was casual. Yet so profound. 

I was excited. It means I can use more energy in Act II since I won’t need to conserve it for anything else. It means I am an Ugly Duckling that became a Swan. It means I get to be a Swan for sure. It means I get to feel what it feels like to work hard for something and get to see it to fruition. It means so much. 

And I’m so glad it’s not just me. That another cover also gets to feel this. Gets to also be a swan. Gets to wear the costume and feel the feelings and wear the headpiece and everything. I wish it could be all of us, but at least it’s more than just one. 

Honestly, being in rehearsals really makes me feel what a privilege this is. How quick it can all be gone. How everything can change in an instance. How none of this was guaranteed to happen. 

And I agree that splitting the two Acts between two people is better. It looks so much cleaner. It’s so good. This is good. I feel way less pressure which is nice. 

I called my sister and told her to get tickets. I called my mom and told her. Then I called my dad to see if he wanted to come. He said, “Thats great! When is it?” And I told him and he said, “I definitely want to go! Looking forward to it!” 

I almost cried. It means so much to me. 

School show was fun, the kids are always so great. They marvel at you and hug you and take pictures with you and give high fives and think you’re the greatest thing in the world no matter what role you are. The diplomacy of everything goes away. It’s stripped down solely to the purity of why we all got into this in the first place. 

One of the girls from the studio came up to me and hugged me. She was a monkey last year in our scene and this year she’s in the first Act. It made me so happy. Another one of the first Act girls took a picture with us. I said, “hey, I know you! I see you all during first Act!” Cause she’s in front of me before I go on. It was sweet. 

We have rehearsal tonight. I’m excited. I hope my foot feels better but I think I can push through regardless. I kinda forget about it once I get going. So that’s good. 

I decided in the stands when my legs are dying, to distract myself I’ll treat it like conjuring a patronus in Harry Potter. You have to think of your happiest memory, focus on it hard, to make the patronus charm work. So I focus on every detail of my happiest memory to keep from fidgeting.

It works 🙂 

   
    
 
A couple side stage Act IV shots 😍😍

This entry was posted in dance.
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