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Emilee

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My front facing camera broke on my phone, making my already limited picture taking even MORE limited. Have a throw back from last spring. I have a blog post in the works. Life has been kinda nutty, my laptop *also* bit the dirt, and things have been kind of overwhelming. Y’all are always on my mind, though! You’ll be hearing from me soon. 💕
Classes yesterday brought to you in part by @leakycon (I don’t usually dress up for costume week, but i do try and incorporate Harry Potter to some degree 🤷🏼‍♀️)
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My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
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Selena Week, Night 4

We had our last full dress rehearsal last night. 

After the school show, I took my friend Lillian home, called my family and told them about becoming a swan, and picked up my friend Annika to get lunch and do some running around. We came back to her house to just hang out with the rest of the time we had. I fell asleep, which almost never happens during the day, and woke up a bit confused and nauseous. (Which is why I don’t typically sleep during the day.) 

We get to rehearsal and my dressing room is locked. I go in with the swans until they get it unlocked and realized I couldn’t find my flat shoes. I thought I had put them in my bag, but they weren’t there, so I assumed they were in the dressing room. It wasn’t unlocked before warm up, so I went down with only one shoe on. Mrs Alex noticed and asked and I just said, “well, you see” and she laughed, knowing it was a story. 

After warm up, the dressing room was unlocked and my shoes weren’t there. Thankfully I don’t need them for the show, so I just kept going and figured I’d worry about it later. 

I put on my make up and sprayed my hair and got everything ready for the quick change them got my costume on for Act I. I set my hat on top of the shelf in the hallway where my costume was and realized something else was up there–my shoes. Mystery solved! I swear I keep losing parts of my brain, seeing as I completely forgot my pointe shoes in the green room the night before and didn’t even think that they may be missing until I was driving over the next day. Thankfully, they were there and I apologized to Mrs Jane. Then laughed to myself at how spacey I can be sometimes. 

At warm up, we found out one of the other swans had to drop due to injury, so another ugly duckling became a swan. 

I was really proud of the remains covers. They have had a really great attitude, when it could be so easy to become bitter. One in particular who had been the cover for the part that came open to needing someone and didn’t get picked. I knew it’d be a tough blow for her and my mheart went out to her and I was curious to see how she’d react, on guard with words of encouragement and empathy should they be needed. 

When it came time for quick change, I ran into the green room towards where my costume was set out and immediately feel hands starting to undo my costume for me. I had no idea who it was as Mrs Jane was on the other side of the room. It was the very girl who wasn’t picked to be the cover for the swan, among all the swans, doing what she could to help us get on stage for the role she worked for and didn’t get to do. 

Her level of maturity impressed me substantially. She got out ten swans in time for the second Act single handedly, was on guard with pins and anything else we’d need, and even after Act II, was willing to help with anything needed. 

And that, ladies and gentleman, is how to be a cover. You work hard, even though you might not get it. And when people get the part and you don’t, obviously being a bit disappointing a second time around, you do your best to help where you can and are needed. You do the parts you are cast for with a great attitude and with professionalism. 

I am so proud. Proud isn’t even an adequate enough word. 

We did the show and got corrections. After warm up today, we’re gonna run Act II to help us two that are in new places, which I’m grateful for. There’s still a few parts that I’m a little rusty on, but the girls have been so helpful to me. 

I noticed yesterday that the more I do the part, the easier all the standing gets. It still hurts like crazy, but way less than the beginning of the week. I hardly needed to use my distraction techniques. 

My left shoe seems to be giving me trouble. It seems that the shank sways, which I’ve been told will always happen and I just have to learn to deal with, twisting my foot awkwardly into the shoe and making things a bit more difficult. I’m hoping to get to road trip up to Austin sometime back to the Capezio store I order my shoes through and see what they think. I’m not sure if there’s a way to get that shoe a little smaller or what use need to do. It’s on my shorter let and my smaller foot, but I don’t know if it’s small enough to warrant a half size down or if it’d make things worse. Regardless, I’m grateful this part is feeing better, especially since the first show is tonight. 

I’m also incredibly grateful for all the other dancers who have been so kind and helpful to me throughout this show. It’s been a pretty emotional time, and stressful at points, but honestly, it’s made me a better person. I’ve learned and I’ve grown and I’ve improved, even if I still feel a bit behind. I have to take into consideration the fact that I’m just now doing one set part, and if I had done one consistently, I more than likely wouldn’t be struggling so much at this point in the game. But even so, parts I’ve messed up have been improved. I know I still have more to improve and only the spontaneous rehearsal to fix them all before the show, but I’m gonna do my best to use it and get that much better. 


I need to take more pictures. Fail me. 

(The top is from the meet and greet, compliments of the dance moms)

This entry was posted in dance.

2 comments on “Selena Week, Night 4

  1. Wow it looks amazing! Nice costumes 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Our costume department is top notch!

      Like

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