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Emilee

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My front facing camera broke on my phone, making my already limited picture taking even MORE limited. Have a throw back from last spring. I have a blog post in the works. Life has been kinda nutty, my laptop *also* bit the dirt, and things have been kind of overwhelming. Y’all are always on my mind, though! You’ll be hearing from me soon. 💕
Classes yesterday brought to you in part by @leakycon (I don’t usually dress up for costume week, but i do try and incorporate Harry Potter to some degree 🤷🏼‍♀️)
New blog post, link in bio!
My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
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Last (official) class.

We had our (well, at least my) last official ballet class last night.

(Technically there’s a VI’s ballet tonight, but I have a chiropractor appointment, so I can’t go.)

Nearly everyone was there, including a newly booted dancer. (she hurt something in her foot during Swan Lake, pushed through the shows, and now is in a boot. I think she’s still able to do recital, but am glad she’s getting it taken care of.) We did a quick barre and got to working on cleaning up recital, since it was our last day to do so. We changed one bit to make better use of our time, and specified other things. It’s the only dance I’m actually confident about. The other two I’m still a bit nervous for. (although we do have a rehearsal for one of them tomorrow.)

When the recital dance felt good and polished, Mrs Alex rolled out the TV they have in the back room and put on Coppelia from 2002 as we all worked on making headpieces for our costumes. I had never seen Mrs. Alex dance before, and also never seen Coppelia, so it was hard to focus on trying to get the headpiece done when the video was so exciting.
She was the only person I knew in it, as I wasn’t near dancing then, hardly being in middle school at the time it was recorded. I wish I had been in dance then and knew all these people, but there’s nothing that can be done about that.

I had a pretty decent base for the headpiece, but then couldn’t seem to get it to do what I saw in my head past that. At one point, it looked eerily similar to something the Pope would wear. I had a decent fourth attempt, but it just wouldn’t stay how I wanted it and I got frustrated. Before I knew it, we were out of time. I took it apart down to the base I had and was going to take it home to work on it when Ms. Munro busted out this effortlessly wonderful headpiece she just came up with out of nowhere. She gave it to me and I modified it to the specification Mrs. Alex had and, voila! Headpiece done. Ms. Munro didn’t even realize how much stress and anxiety she saved me. I’m beyond grateful.

As I was getting ready to leave, we talked about recital and when I would be there and how I can help. I realized I only have two dances to change from one ballet piece, to a completely different jazz piece, and then only two dances to go from that completely different jazz piece back to a ballet piece, but one with black tights and shoes. I don’t know how I’ll do it all in time, but I’ll figure it out. Mainly because I’ll have to. I’m going to try and jet glue my shoes to get a bit more life out of them, since ballet runs apparently snap them right where I need the strength. Hopefully the jet glue works so I can use it moving forward. Ms. Munro commented on how well Swan Lake went and how we all really looked great. I didn’t know what to say, and thank you didn’t seem sufficient. She said she was glad that some of us covers were able to get to dance it, even though it was sad for the ones whose spots we took. I told her I had talked with Lauren–the one I covered–and told her that I was really sad for her, but really glad to be able to go in for her. She said she was glad I was able to, as well. That if she couldn’t do it, at least I could. Really a best case scenario for something like this, as with some people it could cause tension. But Lauren is a super mature person and we all know it wasn’t anything we saw coming at all. And this is the point of covers. At least we were committed and the show was able to go on without great stress. We did our jobs, we did what we were cast to do.
It meant a lot to me to hear it from Ms. Munro. And we joked about how it seems I’m destined to be the cover for bird roles, but end up going in last minute. We joked about asking Julie if there is a bird role in Snow White so we can keep the tradition alive, haha!

This year has taught me a lot, and I’m grateful to be on this side of it. I’ve grown as a person, learning more about myself and people skills and overall life skills, as well as a dancer–specifically being pushed in Swan Lake in both areas, in ways I am grateful. I’m better for having been through this year.

Now we look forward to recital, and on to summer classes, which will lead us into a new school year. I haven’t decided what classes I’m going to take yet, but I’m not at the point of having to decide so I’ll wait to freak out about it until I reach that point.

I’m just going to enjoy the ride.

 

And now, enjoy some pictures from yesterday’s headpiece making party 😂

This entry was posted in dance.
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