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Emilee

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New blog post is here—complete with pictures!
Last week of classes. There’s a new blog post about it. These were some of the gifts I was given. I’m dog sitting (peep Marble in the background) and was also given a chocolate mint plant in a pot painted by one of my sweet dancers that’s not pictured since it’s at my house, but seriously I have some of the sweetest kids (and moms!) I’m so grateful. ❤️
I saw Dracula this weekend, put on by my company, and wrote a blog post about it! Link is in the bio Thanks, @haeleighkathrynmae for sending me pictures since my brain was gone and I forgot to take any 😂
Not supposed to be doing these but 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can’t remember the last time I attempted a turn, but I was teaching a 6 year old I’ve been doing privates with this year and decided to just give it a whirl. My feet were making such funny sounds it alarmed our office clerk 😂 Ps. My phone is finally replaced! I’ll hopefully have a blog update soon. Stay tuned. ❤️
Great Britain friends, were coming for you!! #Repost @allie_on_pointe with @get_repost ・・・ EXCITING NEWS!! 🤩🇬🇧 • • • If you missed my story, @anothernightatthebarreofficial and I are headed to London (and parts of England) in SEPTEMBER! (Prices were much better than going in May like we had originally planned) SO, if you’re around and want to meet up or take a class or see a ballet, let us know!! We’d LOVE to meet as many of you as possible while we’re there!! Also if you have any suggestions for our trip! We don’t have a whole lot planned yet exactly and as we’ve both been there before we don’t need to do all the main touristy things. #adultballet #adultballetgang #adultballetcommunity #adultballerina
There’s a blog post for you on this fine Friday evening! Link is in the bio. Love you all, and hope you’re all well! 💕

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Summer Thoughts.

Sometimes I don’t know how to put into words what a class makes me feel.

I have plenty of words, but I guess they aren’t the ones people really want to hear.
And it has nothing to do with the class itself–that was wonderful. It was the type of class that gives you the good slow basics we need and don’t get enough of. I was absolutely dripping in sweat like I haven’t since the days of my old studio. (Instep, may it rest in peace.) It was a small class, which are also my favorite. Everything about it was wonderful.

But I kept seeing my faults, all the ways I don’t measure up. I kept smacking the giant brick wall of impossibilities square in the face over and over. How much of this can I take before I give up? How much can I actually push “impossible” and expect results? There are unchangeable factors that are out of my control. Short of a miracle, there’s nothing I can do about the fact that my stomach gets sick for no rhyme or reason, and that my legs are different lengths causing loads of issues of its own.

I’m doing what I can to try and alleviate as much of the stomach issue as possible, including recruiting my co-worker to help with my food issues. (hopefully it’s effective)
I go to the chiropractor every other week for my hip/back issues, but really there’s only so much we can do about that. My hips can’t be square en pointe, and it really throws me off. That facet of it is something I’m sure time will help me adjust to, but yesterday I noticed the things I haven’t been doing fully correctly are due to the uneven-ness, and when I fix it, the resounding pain in my shoulder and neck is ridiculous. Not even a sharp pain, just a low, subtle, pressure-y type pain. Like a tension headache versus a piercing one. Not enough to put you out, but just enough to be annoying. But for me these things aren’t just annoying, they’re infuriating. How much can I push this? How much is it worth it?
And what about my shoes? They die too quickly for me to afford them, let alone for how long they take to make. I’m working on strengthening my ankles to help with that, but something has to give. The shank snaps where the ball of my foot hits when I have to do runs or anything on demi, vastly shortening the life of my shoes. It also affects me in trying to promenade. My shoe shifts to no end if I can’t do a firm demi pointe to get around. I need to sew my elastics tighter, but too tight and my feet fall asleep.

How much of this do I really have control over? How much of this is feasible? What will just take time? Should I even keep pursuing pointe? I can’t imagine not, I love it so much, even if it cracks and bruises my toenails. I want to get to a dance store to see if there are any shoes out there that would work better, or ways to make mine last longer or something. One of the principal dancers in our studio has feet similar to mine, so I kinda creep when she gets new shoes to see if they’d work for me as well. She’s tried a few recently, I need to ask her how they’re going for her. I won’t be back in Austin until October, but am going to Houston in July, so I may try and get fitted there and see if anything works. The plus side now is that I actually know how shoes are supposed to feel, whereas before I was going strictly off what people told me. Things can get lost in translation pretty easily. It’s one of things you have to feel to really know.

I just can’t imagine my life without ballet now. It keeps me sane, really. It makes me feel alive. I love it so much. Why can’t my body just cooperate and conform to it? Why are all these years and classes not translating like I need them to? What else do I need to do?
I’m trying to rework how I manage my time to fully benefit me instead of just getting by. There are too many things that I just can’t sit back and ignore anymore. If you want something to change you have to have action attached to it.

So, I’m feeling all the feels and trying to navigate through all of the things in my way. Evaluating what’s before me and how to go about handling it. I guess we’ll see where it takes me.

 

This entry was posted in dance.

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