I had planned to attend the class we have offered to us tonight.
My dance clothes are even in my car.
I have set aside time to blog about the inevitable good it will do for me.
But I just can’t bring myself to go.
The funk is strong with this one, and even though I know dance will be good for me, and it’s been a week since I’ve been, I just don’t know that I can bring myself to go today.
I don’t want to have to be “on.” To have to care about how my actions are interpreting to the people around me, and on dance days like this, it is a bit more complex. I never know what I’m gonna get. If people will care and ask questions or if they’ll leave me alone.
And right now, I don’t have any answers. I don’t have any definitions to help me explain what is going on inside.
It’s all I can do to get myself out of bed. To head to work and keep it together. To keep my brain from going crazy trying to make sense of it all, or ignoring it and stuffing it down again.
I don’t have answers. I don’t have solutions. I don’t have much of anything at this point. But I have the opportunity to give myself time just be. To not have to figure it out right away.
I find these times to be the best times of expression for me. I tend to get the most creative, write the best poems, create the best paintings/artwork. They aren’t great, but they’re the best for me. The kind that truly gets out what is haunting me inside.
So I think I’m going to skip dance, head to the closest Starbucks, and just read. Or write. Or whatever.
I realized while in Kansas that my instagram has surpassed 200 followers! So if you are one of those 200+, I thank you! I’ve met some of the most incredible people through expanding my blog and making it an instagram account. I’ve been inspired by several people and am pushing myself farther than I ever expected. It’s cool to hear from other people who are dealing with the same things you are, who have been where you are and can lend advice, and even people who tell you that you inspired them. How cool is that? I’m a little ol’ nobody from a tiny town in Texas, yet there’s this community I’m part of that stretches across oceans and continents.
Thank you, my friends, for your support and love and encouragement. I’m a better person for knowing each of you.