Yesterday was our last Monday class for the standard summer classes.
We only had seven kids in class, and all but one seemed to throw all sense of rules out the window. The one who is consistently good is also the one who is actually pretty decent at ballet. She even retains the French names for moves and pointes her toes the way she’s supposed to. I noticed yesterday that when we did tendus with the right foot, I didn’t tell her anything about turnout (she’s four) but she noticed it on her own and did it. I hope she sticks with dance and continues to love it.
Adult Ballet looked like it was going to be pretty slim pickins, but people showed up right at six or a little after.
Before class started, Abarrane helped me with the different things Ms. Clara from the pointe shoe forum told me to do to isolate my inner thigh muscles and how to properly align myself to not give in to my hyper extension, all the while still maintaining a straight knee. I need to retrain myself to not sit into my shoe by actually using the correct muscles to pull out of the shoe.
Class went well enough. I hadn’t been feeling too good yesterday and still trying to pinpoint why. I felt like the stomach pain was hindering how much I could use my core, but I continued to push through anyway. I knew my body wouldn’t feel good after class, but I knew my spirit would feel rejuvenated, and that’s what I really needed.
I tried to implement the knew things as much as I could without completely shutting down on doing the movements. I know I still have a lot to work on to get it to be second nature, but if I don’t start here I’ll never get anywhere. I got a few corrections from Ms. Munro that were helpful in telling me if I was doing it correctly or not, and was able to expound on trying to find the balance between what I’ve been doing and what I should be doing. There is still much I need to work on outside of class. I wish I could have someone give me private lessons in this to make sure I’m doing it correctly, but I doubt that’s possible. It was quite helpful to have Abarrane there to tell me if I was lined up correctly or not and know if I was actually seeing the correct thing. I’m not going to lie, it was a bit overwhelming. I didn’t really know what I was supposed to look for. I got frustrated because I felt I couldn’t see what I needed to properly because the bulk of my thighs got in the way and I couldn’t fully understand what to look for. Same with my butt. And I couldn’t feel what I needed to in my left (shorter) leg like my right. It took me back to how I would feel when I first began ballet almost five years ago. I would get overwhelmed because I knew I should be able to do this but I couldn’t figure out how to get my body to respond. Thankfully I read that the shorter leg struggles more with turn out and muscle usage, so I at least had some sort of understanding. It still sucked, but I made myself not dwell on it so I wouldn’t panic.
Sometimes I really hate my body. Like now, when I can’t seem to eat a thing without it reacting to the food negatively. Or when my right hip and lower back or my joints start hurting. I’m not even thirty yet and my body seems to be falling apart. How much longer do I push through? What can doctors do for me that they haven’t already tried? When will enough be enough?
I got my recital pictures in
I may look back and think I’m stupid for being proud of them, but for where I am right now, I’m pretty proud of them. Sometimes I can get caught up in trying to be as good as my peers that I forget that I am twenty-seven. I have only been in ballet for not even five years. I have only been en pointe for two of those years. (two? Three? almost three? whatever.) I still struggle not only with finding pointe shoes that work, but also working against all the challenges my health and body throw at me. So now I look at them and I am proud.
Ms. Clara got back with me about different pointe shoes to try, which I was a little surprised at first that she recommended Russian Pointes, since I had such a hard time with them before. But she explained why she thought they’d be good for me and also to try Bloch Heritage. Hopefully the place I’m going next week will have those there to try. If not, I’ll figure something out this summer.
Also, here’s a bit of attitude in one of my Eleve’s