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Emilee

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Hi, it’s been a minute, new blog post. Link in bio.
Gotta get back to Hogwarts Gotta get back to school Gotta get myself to Hogwarts Where everything is magicooooool
Mischief Managed.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. #leakycon #leakycon2018
Y’all, check out my friend Baileys announcement!! I’m so excited for her and super pumped to watch this series she’s a part of! #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ The concept is simple: follow someone’s journey from surgery to stage. Showing the life of a mucus mutant. Showing the life of a bilingual Deaf family. Showing the life of a dancer and @companythreesixty dancers. It technically hits all the hashtags: #spoonie #deaf #adultballerina #bodypositive #chronicillness. It hopefully connects with many communities and provides another voice in the chorus of those wanting representation in media abound. It is positive: a positive network with a positive focus wanting to counter the negative swarmy troll farm that is most modern media to date. But... what if the concept becomes a reality? What if I show not just the recovery from latest rounds of surgeries... but the pain and swelling and funk between? What if I don’t fulfill some sort of diagnostic paradigm being that I am an Atypical diagnosis (and someone who hopes not to be defined by that anyways where I can)? What if we capture not just the invigorating process of putting together a show with women I ferociously admire and protect... but also, how totally messy dance life can be? What if we showcase a family that’s equal parts Deaf as hearing... yet our variable mix of signing, reading lips, caption and speech isn’t in keeping with what the world wants from us? Choosing to share our story has come with a lot of IFs... but we are braving it none the less. Although I can’t believe our pilot episode premiered TODAY and that I can finally announce the news... fear of judgement subsists. Can perspective, positivity and living an imperfect life as openly as possible actually be of benefit? The verdict is still out... but I’m excited to try. I’m excited to see. And I’m excited to get started.▪️Click Link In Bio To Watch The Pilot Or Go To: onlygood.tv▪️#CatchingBreaths
The builders weren’t out today, so I decided to have one last hoorah in our still empty, hurricane Harvey-Ed house. They’ve finally begun repairs, and I’m super pumped for it to be fixed, but also a bit sad at the loss of the house as we knew it and how it was growing up. Here I’m in our game room, the red wall is my bathroom, and to the right is my old bedroom, where I was the night before the storm came. The bed I slept on had ceiling and insulation fallen on it the next day. Still pretty surreal almost a year out. TL;DR I love my new @sodancausa dance sneakers I got from @cinqdanceessentials ! Super pumped for the new year!

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Mondays.

I would like to think the SuperMoon is to blame for a lot of the craziness the beginning of this week has held, but I don’t know if that’s all that true, or if all of it can really be blamed on it. (Some of it, for sure.)

With everything going on with my health that doesn’t quite make sense, I’ve been rather overwhelmed and drained. I contemplated skipping class on Monday, since it’s the only day I can skip since I teach the other days I’m there. I thought of how the studio will be closed next week for Thanksgiving, and how–if I’m honest with myself–I didn’t want to skip at all.

It’s my favorite class, I think, though I do like the others I take. But I know I can be more relaxed in the adult class, and I know that my teacher knows what’s going on (as much as I know, at least) and if something were to happen, it would be okay to not have to pretend like it’s not happening. So many times I feel so much pressure to keep up that I’m not sure if I should be concerned about what I’m pushing through, or if paying attention to it would just be me being weak. The struggle.

I was glad I went. I was grateful to have an hour to dance and move and feel alive. To forget everything else going on around me, and just dance. My knee started hurting and my back was still tweaked from whatever I did to it this weekend, and my head was hurting, and everything else that’s normal, but I didn’t think about them much. And I was able to do these combinations that made me feel good and remind my why all this is worth it.

We are rehearsing in costumes this weekend. Which I absolutely cannot believe that it’s already this time of year. I feel like it’s still August, or early September at latest. Nope. It’s November. Which means that shows are, like, three weeks away. And Thanksgiving is next week. And what even is life. CALM DOWN TIME.

I’m working on Snow this weekend with my friend, Emily, who is new to our studio and also teaches. I’m pretty excited about it. I know she’ll be real with me but also not just eat my soul. (Not saying any of our teachers here do that, but it’s always an irrational fear of mine. I blame my childhood.) My goal is to get the step I’m struggling with to be fluid so that I don’t second guess myself and screw up in front of everyone. I have to get past that mental block.

One of my favorite teachers from High School is coming to see me dance. She called me yesterday about tickets, and just hearing her voice flooded me with good feelings. I don’t think she realizes how detrimental she was to the person I have become. She taught me kindness and empathy and compassion, as well as how to face scary things and that doing hard things is necessary. I don’t know if she knows what I was going through while I was in her class and how she ultimately helped me out of it, but she did. There are a few other teachers that really helped shape me as well. I carry them in my heart. And when I choose kindness, empathy, compassion, and love, I think of them.

Be kind. Do what you can. You may never see what it produces, but I promise, it produces good things.

This entry was posted in dance.
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