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Emilee

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My front facing camera broke on my phone, making my already limited picture taking even MORE limited. Have a throw back from last spring. I have a blog post in the works. Life has been kinda nutty, my laptop *also* bit the dirt, and things have been kind of overwhelming. Y’all are always on my mind, though! You’ll be hearing from me soon. 💕
Classes yesterday brought to you in part by @leakycon (I don’t usually dress up for costume week, but i do try and incorporate Harry Potter to some degree 🤷🏼‍♀️)
New blog post, link in bio!
My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
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Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me

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Hi, I’m here. 

Sometimes I write a post, and the theme of it really sticks with me. It begins to resonate as the time passes. 

Sometimes, I write it only half understanding what I’m truly writing, just to have it fully show itself in the coming weeks. 

I haven’t been posting much, and for that I apologize. Life has gotten to be quite complex here lately, and I don’t want to type anything fueled by rash emotion, or divulge things prematurely. 

I can say that while life has been throwing it’s punches, the love and kindness I have been shown by various friends in the dance community has blown my mind and touched my heart in ways I can’t explain. I had to call in on a Wednesday I’m supposed to teach, and not only was my artistic director extremely understanding, but my friend pulled through to help out on last minutes notice. On top of that, I had no less than four different people text me. One to tell me how the kids did in class, which she didn’t know I was wondering how they held up and how things went. She just informed me because she’s a gem and brought such a peace to my mind that I needed. Others text me asking where I was and making sure I was okay. It made me feel so good. 

This isn’t the first class I’ve missed, and usually it feels like no one really bats an eye about it. No big deal right? But to have multiple people message me reaffirmed to me everything I feel about this whole “ballet journey.” 

Life isn’t going to be perfect, but sometimes just knowing you’re wanted makes all the difference. 

I’m still waiting to hear back on my blood work. My follow up appointment isn’t until May, so I won’t hear from my specialist until then, but I should get the results back from the clinic before then. My chiropractor has also taken special interest in my health story, which is best especially since he also is an R.N. Having him willing to work with me to get me to my best is incredible. 

Life is hard. But there are bits of beauty all around if you let yourself see them. 

I also have super cool things in the works, hopefully to be revealed shortly. Still trying to work out all the details and get things set before I say too much 😂 but they’re exciting. 

I hope you are all well. You are very loved and valued. Please remember that. 

This entry was posted in dance.

2 comments on “Hi, I’m here. 

  1. Marlene says:

    Love you, girlie. You are missed every time you are not at the studio, either teaching or taking a class!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love y’all. So very much!

      Like

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