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Emilee

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My front facing camera broke on my phone, making my already limited picture taking even MORE limited. Have a throw back from last spring. I have a blog post in the works. Life has been kinda nutty, my laptop *also* bit the dirt, and things have been kind of overwhelming. Y’all are always on my mind, though! You’ll be hearing from me soon. 💕
Classes yesterday brought to you in part by @leakycon (I don’t usually dress up for costume week, but i do try and incorporate Harry Potter to some degree 🤷🏼‍♀️)
New blog post, link in bio!
My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
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Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me

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It’s the final countdown.

We have two weekends of rehearsals left before “Selena Week” when we rehearse at the theater. It’s exciting to see Act I come together like it has, and I’m anxious to get to see Act II. I wanted to sneak in to a rehearsal, but they happen while I’m teaching on Saturdays so I haven’t had a chance. I’ve heard great things, and seeing all the girls at photo day made it exciting.

We were off last weekend for Spring Break, and we’ll be off next weekend for Easter. The weekend after, we’re hoping to have the dogs at rehearsal to work with, which I’m super excited about. Last rehearsal, we had a fill in dog which was really fun. It’ll be great having all the dogs on stage and I hope to get loads of pictures with them. Stay tuned 😊

I felt terrible today, thought about texting our director and staying home, but I really wanted to be around everyone and I hate missing rehearsal. I figured i could handle it since all I do is walk on stage, react, walk off stage, then do it again. Simple, right? Apparently it was still too much. I’m still very much so learning the boundaries of my new realities, and the extent of how far it goes. I hope to post a formal, lengthy update in maybe the next month to fill y’all in on everything in more detail, but I’m still waiting for some of those details.

I made the decision to go home after one run through today. I was dizzy and nauseated and knew it would be better for me in the long run if I were in bed. It’s infuriating, but it is what it is.

My classes were surprisingly great this week. I was very grateful. I love being in the studio and surrounded by the atmosphere, and I try not to take any of it for granted. I know each moment truly is a gift.

Also, I have some pretty incredible people in my life that I’ve met through dance. That is a gift a can never repay.

Short update, but thank y’all for sticking with me. ❤️

This entry was posted in dance.
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