Giselle rehearsals.

We’re in the last month of rehearsals before Giselle in April here at my home studio.

I knew it would be different not being as involved as usual, but I don’t know that you can really prepare yourself for all the emotions that come with it. Some days I just want to dance. The fact that that is nowhere near an option can be heart breaking, even if it’s something I’ve known for a few months.

I was going through my Instagram timeline yesterday, curious to see what kind of fade has really happened since I’m not in a studio 6 days a week anymore. It was fascinating. Even now, I’m early to rehearsal, watching the warm up class I used to take, remember what it felt like to retain the combinations, work your body to try to meet the expectations, and figure out new things with movements you’ve done daily for years now. I miss the “good sore” feeling. I miss the sweat breaking on my forehead. I miss the pressure of the pointe shoe against my foot and toes. Is that weird? Maybe.

Since we had program pictures yesterday, I wore my contacts. I was also late to my picture time since it started 15 minutes before my class across town ended. It was fine, though, they understood and worked with me with no problem. This is the first group of kids I’ve had that have never seen me without my glasses. Some of them were really taken back by it, not sure if it was me at first. Most figured out that I was wearing make up and my hair was in a bun and I wasn’t wearing glasses. Even some of the parents commented and asked what the occasion was. Which is kinda funny. You don’t really realize how different things are when it’s a slow fade until you look back and see all the changes.

It was spring break so many of my students in my first class were missing. It worked out, though, because I was able to really go over the transitions with them. When I have all of them back, it’ll help to have half the class already know what’s going on.

It’s been fun being able to be at rehearsals with my friends again, even if I’m not dancing with them this time. The atmosphere is the same, and it’s comforting. I try not to take for granted every opportunity I have to be in the studio and around this art form, even if it’s different than before.

The studio is closed this next week for spring break. I’ll miss my little nuggets, but will be excited when we’re all back together.