I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but this weekend lead me to getting sicker than usual, along with this past week.
I went to class yesterday, and made it all the way through, but still didn’t feel fully myself. It’s as though my brain couldn’t wrap itself around some of the concepts. Granted, it was also a teacher I haven’t had but maybe once before, so I’m not particularly used to her style. It was a really great class, style wise, though some of it a bit hard on the knees. Even so, I really enjoyed it. There were a few new things that I enjoyed attempting.
I found myself choking down some anxiety about half-way through. A mix of the events of the day, interactions, and fear–it took me some intense mental-blocking to get through without breaking down and being super hard on myself. I recognized it, and knew that the me a year or two ago would have shut down and even broken down, but I kept it together and reminded myself that no one would know unless I showed them. If I held it together, it’ll be better in the long run. I did my best, tried to stay as focused as I could, and do the best I could do that day.
We got an email with the dates for auditions and shows. Turns out this is about the worst possible year for me, schedule-wise, but I have to make it work. I have to talk with Mrs. Alex a bit about it all, since it got a little more complicated since there’s a wedding I’m obligated to during an audition. (And one I was really hoping to prove myself in.) I already can’t make the teacher orientation-type meeting because of a rehearsal for a wedding I’m in that’s on a Thursday. It’s stressing me out a little since it’s my first year teaching, I really want all the information going in that I can get. I want to know their expectations of me and just to be there. They’ll have all the info for me anyway, I talked to Mrs. Alex last night, but being there is just better. It’s like missing a rehearsal and trying to catch up on your own before the next on. Details get missed.
I’m trying not to stress out about everything, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t stressed. This week has already proven to be overwhelming, and I’m finding myself at a breaking point that I can’t afford to be at. I’m finding a way to keep going, but it’s pretty difficult.
I’ll make it through. I have to, so I know I will.
Summer classes have been great. I’m sad they’ll be over, but this next year should be great. Registration is this week. I’ve got a bit more research to do for my classes still, but I’ve found some really great resources. I’m hopeful.
I’m trying not to worry about the madness of Spring until I have to. I’ll need to speak with Mrs. Julie as soon as I can see her, though. Working at a tax office and doing ballet is a complex balance. (especially when all the dance dates throw each other straight into tax-season-madness.)
I’m readjusting plans that I can, readjusting visions and dreams. Trying to stay flexible and open minded and not get my heart set on anything.
Prayers are appreciated. ❤
Started ballet late October of 2011 at the age of 23.
Began pointe training late August of 2013.