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Emilee

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Mischief Managed.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. #leakycon #leakycon2018
Y’all, check out my friend Baileys announcement!! I’m so excited for her and super pumped to watch this series she’s a part of! #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ The concept is simple: follow someone’s journey from surgery to stage. Showing the life of a mucus mutant. Showing the life of a bilingual Deaf family. Showing the life of a dancer and @companythreesixty dancers. It technically hits all the hashtags: #spoonie #deaf #adultballerina #bodypositive #chronicillness. It hopefully connects with many communities and provides another voice in the chorus of those wanting representation in media abound. It is positive: a positive network with a positive focus wanting to counter the negative swarmy troll farm that is most modern media to date. But... what if the concept becomes a reality? What if I show not just the recovery from latest rounds of surgeries... but the pain and swelling and funk between? What if I don’t fulfill some sort of diagnostic paradigm being that I am an Atypical diagnosis (and someone who hopes not to be defined by that anyways where I can)? What if we capture not just the invigorating process of putting together a show with women I ferociously admire and protect... but also, how totally messy dance life can be? What if we showcase a family that’s equal parts Deaf as hearing... yet our variable mix of signing, reading lips, caption and speech isn’t in keeping with what the world wants from us? Choosing to share our story has come with a lot of IFs... but we are braving it none the less. Although I can’t believe our pilot episode premiered TODAY and that I can finally announce the news... fear of judgement subsists. Can perspective, positivity and living an imperfect life as openly as possible actually be of benefit? The verdict is still out... but I’m excited to try. I’m excited to see. And I’m excited to get started.▪️Click Link In Bio To Watch The Pilot Or Go To: onlygood.tv▪️#CatchingBreaths
The builders weren’t out today, so I decided to have one last hoorah in our still empty, hurricane Harvey-Ed house. They’ve finally begun repairs, and I’m super pumped for it to be fixed, but also a bit sad at the loss of the house as we knew it and how it was growing up. Here I’m in our game room, the red wall is my bathroom, and to the right is my old bedroom, where I was the night before the storm came. The bed I slept on had ceiling and insulation fallen on it the next day. Still pretty surreal almost a year out. TL;DR I love my new @sodancausa dance sneakers I got from @cinqdanceessentials ! Super pumped for the new year!
We had a guest teacher in class last night. I wrote a blog post about it! Link is in the bio. (Spoiler. It was wonderful.) Thank you so much, @linds779 for teaching us! (Ps. My shirt is from @balletlibrarian ‘s book Cantique, you can totally still get ya one. It’s my favorite, obviously.) PD: photo of me and Lindsi Dec from Pacific Northwest Ballet after class.
Once upon a time, my toes used to touch the floor.

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Fall prep.

I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but this weekend lead me to getting sicker than usual, along with this past week.

I went to class yesterday, and made it all the way through, but still didn’t feel fully myself. It’s as though my brain couldn’t wrap itself around some of the concepts. Granted, it was also a teacher I haven’t had but maybe once before, so I’m not particularly used to her style. It was a really great class, style wise, though some of it a bit hard on the knees. Even so, I really enjoyed it. There were a few new things that I enjoyed attempting.

I found myself choking down some anxiety about half-way through. A mix of the events of the day, interactions, and fear–it took me some intense mental-blocking to get through without breaking down and being super hard on myself. I recognized it, and knew that the me a year or two ago would have shut down and even broken down, but I kept it together and reminded myself that no one would know unless I showed them. If I held it together, it’ll be better in the long run. I did my best, tried to stay as focused as I could, and do the best I could do that day.

We got an email with the dates for auditions and shows. Turns out this is about the worst possible year for me, schedule-wise, but I have to make it work. I have to talk with Mrs. Alex a bit about it all, since it got a little more complicated since there’s a wedding I’m obligated to during an audition. (And one I was really hoping to prove myself in.) I already can’t make the teacher orientation-type meeting because of a rehearsal for a wedding I’m in that’s on a Thursday. It’s stressing me out a little since it’s my first year teaching, I really want all the information going in that I can get. I want to know their expectations of me and just to be there. They’ll have all the info for me anyway, I talked to Mrs. Alex last night, but being there is just better. It’s like missing a rehearsal and trying to catch up on your own before the next on. Details get missed.

I’m trying not to stress out about everything, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t stressed. This week has already proven to be overwhelming, and I’m finding myself at a breaking point that I can’t afford to be at. I’m finding a way to keep going, but it’s pretty difficult.

I’ll make it through. I have to, so I know I will.

Summer classes have been great. I’m sad they’ll be over, but this next year should be great. Registration is this week. I’ve got a bit more research to do for my classes still, but I’ve found some really great resources. I’m hopeful.

I’m trying not to worry about the madness of Spring until I have to. I’ll need to speak with Mrs. Julie as soon as I can see her, though. Working at a tax office and doing ballet is a complex balance. (especially when all the dance dates throw each other straight into tax-season-madness.)

I’m readjusting plans that I can, readjusting visions and dreams. Trying to stay flexible and open minded and not get my heart set on anything.

Prayers are appreciated. ❤

This entry was posted in dance.
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