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Emilee

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Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me
Hi, it’s been a minute, new blog post. Link in bio.
Gotta get back to Hogwarts Gotta get back to school Gotta get myself to Hogwarts Where everything is magicooooool
Mischief Managed.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. #leakycon #leakycon2018
Y’all, check out my friend Baileys announcement!! I’m so excited for her and super pumped to watch this series she’s a part of! #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ The concept is simple: follow someone’s journey from surgery to stage. Showing the life of a mucus mutant. Showing the life of a bilingual Deaf family. Showing the life of a dancer and @companythreesixty dancers. It technically hits all the hashtags: #spoonie #deaf #adultballerina #bodypositive #chronicillness. It hopefully connects with many communities and provides another voice in the chorus of those wanting representation in media abound. It is positive: a positive network with a positive focus wanting to counter the negative swarmy troll farm that is most modern media to date. But... what if the concept becomes a reality? What if I show not just the recovery from latest rounds of surgeries... but the pain and swelling and funk between? What if I don’t fulfill some sort of diagnostic paradigm being that I am an Atypical diagnosis (and someone who hopes not to be defined by that anyways where I can)? What if we capture not just the invigorating process of putting together a show with women I ferociously admire and protect... but also, how totally messy dance life can be? What if we showcase a family that’s equal parts Deaf as hearing... yet our variable mix of signing, reading lips, caption and speech isn’t in keeping with what the world wants from us? Choosing to share our story has come with a lot of IFs... but we are braving it none the less. Although I can’t believe our pilot episode premiered TODAY and that I can finally announce the news... fear of judgement subsists. Can perspective, positivity and living an imperfect life as openly as possible actually be of benefit? The verdict is still out... but I’m excited to try. I’m excited to see. And I’m excited to get started.▪️Click Link In Bio To Watch The Pilot Or Go To: onlygood.tv▪️#CatchingBreaths

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Interim.

The studio isn’t open again until Monday, meaning I’ve had a good couple weeks off from dance. 

I work full time, so I’ve still been at the office. It’s been nice having so much off time, which has been a frustrating reality. 

I love ballet. I need ballet. Literally. It’s the thing that keeps my health as good as it is, apart from whatever this autoimmune thing is. And teaching the babies makes me feel alive. I love them so much. But having this time of just work has put me in a weird place. I’m able to get way more done in my personal life, but I’ve also found myself to be way sadder. Dance makes me feel alive. 

I had a dream like we still had one more Nutcracker performance and I had to dance Snow. And I was freaking out because I didn’t know if my body could do one more show. I hadn’t run it, I hadn’t prepared myself. I freaked out. I woke up before I could dream how the dance went, and if Nutcracker taught me anything, it’s that I screw up if I overthink things. But reality is i don’t know how my body is going to let me keep going. 

Spring is going to put a huge load on me. Tax season, Snow White, teaching, recital… thinking about it stresses me out and I honestly don’t know how I’m gonna do it all. So I just don’t think about it, and take it day by day. 

I went home early from work yesterday. I started feeling sick after eating and faded fast. I came home and slept for almost two hours, which is highly unlike me. I woke up this morning hardly feeling any better. I had put off calling about the referral to the rheumatologist, but felt bad enough to where I actually called. The lady at my doctors office knew me by the sound of my voice, even though I’ve only spoken to her one other time. She’s on top of everything, and told me how she had actually just called the office she was referring me to the day before. The lady who handles referrals is on vacation until the 3rd, so I have to wait until then to find out when the appointment will be set, which will probably be a few months from now. Ya know, probably falling during tax season. I’m really hoping I don’t have to put it off until after tax season is over, since that would be May. 

Life is overwhelming. I don’t really know how I’ll get through all this, but I know I will. Cause I have to. 

My house may end up a mess, the dishes will probably pile up in my sink, and I probably won’t get to cook as much as I’d like to, but I’ll get through somehow. 

My ankle still hurts. I rest it for a while, but have done some warming up here and there so I’m not completely screwed when classes start up again. Maybe it’s largely the cold front we had come in last night, but who knows. 

I’ve gotta find music and choreograph dances for my babies sometime this weekend. I was supposed to get it done yesterday, but I hardly got out of bed. I’m better today, but not by much. Stupid body. Ugh. 

This entry was posted in dance.
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