search instagram arrow-down
Emilee

Instagram

My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
Old picture, new post Link in bio
Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me
Hi, it’s been a minute, new blog post. Link in bio.
Gotta get back to Hogwarts Gotta get back to school Gotta get myself to Hogwarts Where everything is magicooooool
Mischief Managed.

Recent Posts

Recent Comments

vtgem24 on Oh, hi.
anothernightatthebar… on It comes and goes in wave…
vtgem24 on It comes and goes in wave…
anothernightatthebar… on Kansas City Meet-Up
vtgem24 on Kansas City Meet-Up

Archives

Categories

Meta

Categories

Meta

Rehearsals and Health. 

What a time it has been here these last couple weeks. 

I am officially an Hoffraulein, which is the role for which I was cast as the cover. Last week was when I heard of my “promotion” of sorts, and since then even, we’ve had to replace my spot as cover, and then replace her spot as cover. 

So many dancers have been dropping out, for this reason on that, it has made things rather complicated. Thankfully, it hasn’t required complete reblocking of things as far as I know, just simply getting new people up to speed with where we are. 

Last weekend, as I left the rehearsal for hoffraulein, I was driving to meet up at one of the dancer’s houses while another dancer was following me. As i approached the stop light, midway through a green light, I slowed down a little as I checked my mirror as I checked to see if my friend was close enough to also make the light or if I risked losing her if I went through. I’m that moment of hesitation, a car barreled through their red light right as I would have been passing through the intersection. They were at such a speed that I actually second guessed myself seeing the colors correctly, thinking maybe I was mistaken and really I was about to run the light. Nope. Their light was redder than red and ours was greener than green. Thankfully, I had that moment of hesitation and wasn’t where I would have been which would have lead to a truly terrible accident. The car would have hit my side, at my door or a little behind. Had I survived, I would have been livid to have to start a car payment all over again right when this one is almost paid off. But none of that happened. It was just another moment that I drove away from unscathed. I’ve known many not to be so lucky, and I am grateful to be okay, and especially grateful to still have functioning legs in which to dance this dance. 

My pointe shoes came in the mail Thursday. They came with elastic, so I sewed those on, but the ribbon didn’t come in until late. I found some ribbon I could use, but I didn’t have the new toe padding. That mixed with new shoes and not having been en pointe since nutcracker made for a rough bit of rehearsing. But I’m glad I had them. It helped shine better light on what exactly I need to focus on improving. I know there is much work to be done, but I know that if I work now, I’ll see improvement by April. I can’t let myself get overwhelmed at where I am or at the things that hinder me on certain days. I have to do my best and believe in myself. 

We tried on costumes, which is always exciting. For the Weiss Frauen, we are in white romantic tutus, with these detailed head pieces that have long pieces of fabric. In playing with the head pieces to see what worked best, I learned that my dance teachers mom was taught by Mother Theresa, and my mind was blown. 

Anyway. They’re going to look really nice. For the Hoffraulein, we’re all in different color dresses. The colors are absolutely beautiful, I can’t even get over it. I’m so excited. I know this role is a little out of my league, but I am truly honored to get to be a part of it. It’s a dream come true, really. To be included among the numbers of the advanced dancers, even if it was merely by chance that I actually get to dance it. Also with the Weiss Frauen. The last time we did a show from this director, I wasn’t in any of the pointe roles. But now my level is. And it’s just really cool to have gotten to go from the point of dreaming to be that person, and then getting to be that person. 

Now I just have to dedicate myself to working hard, and really being confident in the choreography so I don’t space out when I do it in pointe shoes. I need to be one step ahead of myself so I can attack the choreography with confidence. I need to take the trouble spots and really focus on executing them with correct technique to get the right imagry. I don’t want to be the one that sticks out as the least talented. I want to blend. 

The new girl we had in adult a few weeks back is going to be in the show now, too. I’m really excited about this. She studied at a few different prestigious studios and was dancing professionally, then moved here for a year with her significant other. It makes me nervous to know I’ll be dancing alongside her, but I’m thrilled to know we will have her talent in our show. Plus she’s nice, and an adult, so that’s always a plus. 

Health update: I finally got my rheumatologist referral and appointment set! I had to cal my doctors office today to find out about it. They told me the rheumatologist office said they had called me, but I never received it. I’m glad I called, seeing that the appointment is February 16th! I wasn’t expecting to get in that quickly at all and it’s pretty perfect for tax season. Had it been any later I would have had to reschedule, which I’ve heard is a nightmare. 

I’m nervous beyond all reason, but hopeful all the same. My lymph nodes were rather tender yesterday and my joints have been aching, so this was a nice light at the end of the dark tunnel. I just hope it’s finally the answers I’ve been searching for all these years, and that they aren’t hard to find. 

In retrospect, I’m very grateful to be alive. To have the opportunities I have right now. To have the support of my friends and loved ones. To get to live this life I love so much and have it filled with so many lovely people. 

I hope you get to feel the same. ❤

This entry was posted in dance.

2 comments on “Rehearsals and Health. 

  1. Wow, that is so lucky about your near accident!

    The ballet you are working on sounds amazing! You always have such exciting things happening 🙂 Can’t wait to see the costumes!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so excited about it! I definitely count my blessings extra with all the opportunities I’ve been given. Never in a million years did I imagine I’d be doing anything like what I’ve gotten to through this company!
      We have pictures on the 11th of February. Stay tuned 😊

      Like

Leave a Reply
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: