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Emilee

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My friend Bailey and her company @companythreesixty made this and I have no more words to add. It’s perfect. #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ Why didn’t I report? I didn’t report because I thought that if I’m in a relationship with someone, it meant it was equally my fault. I thought the years of unhealthy feelings towards myself which ensued, were still invalid since it could have been worse. I thought I shouldn’t tell my Momma until a couple of years later on a beautiful mountain walk together, and even then, I softened the story from shame for how I’d appear to the person I love the most. I didn’t report because we live in a world where men use sentences like “it can always be worse” as psychological shrapnel. A world that tells us we should have done more to stop it. A world that, even when I remember the attempts to push away as clearly as consciousness cinema, I was scared to push too hard because I didn’t want to make someone mad. A world that makes me worry at sharing, because I have young students and ‘should be a role-model’: with a role model being pure, respectable, elite, undamaged. Now, a mother, wife, champion, boss... I still worry to report as innocuously as through a #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, lest I somehow appear less for having shared. But as someone who’s survived a darkness far worse than that described, and Shawshanked her way to a life of light- save for second glances over shoulders- I can say that the hardest person to report to is actually... yourself. It’s the you that you had once hoped to be. The you that you’ll never be again. The you that you wish you could go back and protect. The you you wish you had been (louder, less in shock, less weak). The you that once was but was taken. To all the Yous you once were reading this (and the You in me who still feels cemented by shame)... this should never have happened. It doesn’t matter how loud, quiet, forceful... how well you knew them.... You didn’t deserve to lose You because your body wasn’t left as yours. None of us do. None of us ever will. There is no good way to end this bit of writing, because the truth is: it hasn’t ended. A perfect sentence will not wrap this up. Y
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Teaching on my birthday is my favorite thing. Hi, I’m 30, and I gave full sized cupcakes to three year olds and I’m sure their parents hate me
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Gotta get back to Hogwarts Gotta get back to school Gotta get myself to Hogwarts Where everything is magicooooool
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The sky was clapping.

This weekends classes have been so wonderful.

Yesterday was one of the best classes I’ve had with them, and only 3 were missing. We got so much done I didn’t know what to do with the extra time. It made me so excited for their recital piece, which says a lot since they have one of two pieces I really want to do justice. I left feeling so good, which is always a good thing.

Today I had many of the girls that have been absent, whether sick or deaths in the family. A few of them in that class aren’t motivated, which makes learning recital complex. I’m trying to find ways to explain it so they’ll grasp it, but the ones you can tell want to be there don’t have trouble learning it. Well take it as it comes and get it figured out. I love them so much, though. They are so sweet and most of them are excited and so eager to learn. I still have to make some changes on their dance since the numbers have changed, but that’s okay.

My assistant was back today, which was heaven. The kids were SO pumped it was adorable. I don’t know how long we’ll have her due to rehearsals, but any class is a good class with her. Thankfully, I have a back up on standby in the event rehearsals take her again, but still. You can tell she loves being there and the kids absolutely love her.

We had a pretty good sized 3-4 class considering a rainstorm blew in during the class before it. A few of them were scared, but my assistant and I tried to keep them distracted and calm. About mid-class, a HUGE thunder clapped when we were all by the window. I looked at them as they all stared at me and said, “how cool! The sky is clapping for us!” And started clapping. Most of them bought it, and one even said later “dear sky, will you please clap for us again?” It was so sweet. A few were still pretty scared so we kept them close. They made it through the class, though, so I’m pretty proud of them. I would have been terrified as a kid. They handled it like champs. I also told another one that the blinds on the window were magic and keep us safe from the storm outside. Sometimes having a vivid imagination on the fly can come in pretty darn handy.

At the start of the class, one of my students came up to me and handed me this,

And said, “thanks for being my teacher!”

My heart melted. These kids are so dang sweet.

Our studio owner was asking about all my medical stuff. I told her how much these kids mean to me and how much they help with all of it. They truly do. I don’t know what I’d do without Ballet.

Today was a reminder that when things get scary, you can change your perspective on it and find a way to face your fear. Is there thunder in your life? That’s just the sky applauding your progress. Take a bow and keep on going. ❤️

This entry was posted in dance.

One comment on “The sky was clapping.

  1. vtgem24 says:

    Love love love this!! When I was little, my mom would tell me that the thunder was my grandmother in heaven rearranging furniture/spring cleaning. LOL. I love the sky clapping!! Your outlook is the best! ❤

    Like

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