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Emilee

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Hi, it’s been a minute, new blog post. Link in bio.
Gotta get back to Hogwarts Gotta get back to school Gotta get myself to Hogwarts Where everything is magicooooool
Mischief Managed.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. #leakycon #leakycon2018
Y’all, check out my friend Baileys announcement!! I’m so excited for her and super pumped to watch this series she’s a part of! #Repost @catchingbreaths with @get_repost ・・・ The concept is simple: follow someone’s journey from surgery to stage. Showing the life of a mucus mutant. Showing the life of a bilingual Deaf family. Showing the life of a dancer and @companythreesixty dancers. It technically hits all the hashtags: #spoonie #deaf #adultballerina #bodypositive #chronicillness. It hopefully connects with many communities and provides another voice in the chorus of those wanting representation in media abound. It is positive: a positive network with a positive focus wanting to counter the negative swarmy troll farm that is most modern media to date. But... what if the concept becomes a reality? What if I show not just the recovery from latest rounds of surgeries... but the pain and swelling and funk between? What if I don’t fulfill some sort of diagnostic paradigm being that I am an Atypical diagnosis (and someone who hopes not to be defined by that anyways where I can)? What if we capture not just the invigorating process of putting together a show with women I ferociously admire and protect... but also, how totally messy dance life can be? What if we showcase a family that’s equal parts Deaf as hearing... yet our variable mix of signing, reading lips, caption and speech isn’t in keeping with what the world wants from us? Choosing to share our story has come with a lot of IFs... but we are braving it none the less. Although I can’t believe our pilot episode premiered TODAY and that I can finally announce the news... fear of judgement subsists. Can perspective, positivity and living an imperfect life as openly as possible actually be of benefit? The verdict is still out... but I’m excited to try. I’m excited to see. And I’m excited to get started.▪️Click Link In Bio To Watch The Pilot Or Go To: onlygood.tv▪️#CatchingBreaths
The builders weren’t out today, so I decided to have one last hoorah in our still empty, hurricane Harvey-Ed house. They’ve finally begun repairs, and I’m super pumped for it to be fixed, but also a bit sad at the loss of the house as we knew it and how it was growing up. Here I’m in our game room, the red wall is my bathroom, and to the right is my old bedroom, where I was the night before the storm came. The bed I slept on had ceiling and insulation fallen on it the next day. Still pretty surreal almost a year out. TL;DR I love my new @sodancausa dance sneakers I got from @cinqdanceessentials ! Super pumped for the new year!

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Dreams.

I used to dream of one day dancing ballet. Of working hard and earning pointe shoes and dancing on stage in beautiful costumes.

Then I decided to start classes and work towards that dream.

Slowly, I started progressing. Slowly, I started taking more classes. Two years in, I earned pointe shoes and started the work of improvement in this new area of ballet.

My studio closed, I found a new one. Before I knew it, I was in shows, on stage in beautiful costumes. There were moments when my breath would leave me realizing I was the person walking backstage in such a way to try to not make a lot of noise in my pointe shoes or move the backdrop with my beautiful costume.

I dreamed, I fought, I saw them happen.

Life was literally a dream come true.

These days, I dream of waking up and not already feeling exhausted. I dream of being able to go grocery shopping by myself because it means i won’t need someone to help me lift things. I dream of being able to stay up past 9 without repercussions for the next week from not sleeping enough. I dream of being able to be put in stressful situations, handle them, and not pay for it for the next however long. I dream of being able to eat, lay down, and not have it come back up simply because of the position I’m in. I dream of being able to sit up without my hips hurting or feeling like it’s taking too much energy if I’m sitting on a chair without a back to lean against. I dream of standing for longer than 30 minutes without being in pain. I dream of muscles and joints that don’t cause me pain in my sleep, or because I stayed in one position too long, or because of who knows what else. I dream of not having to choose between things most people can accomplish in a day because washing dishes is too exhausting to also try to put away laundry.

I dream of taking ballet classes again, of doing shows and wearing pointe shoes and beautiful costumes. I dream of getting through barre without feeling like my brain won’t work anymore. I dream of doing arabesques without risking nerve damage in my back. I dream of hearing music and moving to it simply because I can.

There isn’t much I can do to work towards these dreams like before, but I still dream them. At the same time, I take time to be incredibly grateful for the things I can still do. I can still drive, I can still live by myself. I can still work and make money to pay my bills. I can still teach tiny baby ballet dancers and be inspired by them. I still have breath in my lungs that I can breathe in and out without pain. I can still sleep most nights.

And I can always, always, look back and remember all the things I was able to accomplish because I dared to dream in the first place. And not just passively, but chasing them in the face of fear until they were my reality.

I made my dreams come true once.

I sincerely hope they will come true again.

This entry was posted in dance.

2 comments on “Dreams.

  1. vtgem24 says:

    I hope so, too! You are just so inspiring and I wish all the best for you. We must never lose sight of our dreams. Continuing to pray for you, friend! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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