Another Night at the Barre

I had a hard time when I started dance out for the first time again.
I had a lot of things working against me, but I couldn’t let that be my excuse.
It was a lot of mind over matter…

But what I had to realize was that everything my dance teacher was telling me was true.
I have to start where I am. Do my best, and don’t give up.
Still, I had a hard time believing a lot of it. I had a lot of stuff telling me I wasn’t gonna be able to make it. That I was failing, that I wasn’t trying hard enough–all this stuff.

First Step: Believe you are a dancer.
A dancer isn’t just someone who excels in every single bit of technique; or someone who is flawless.
A dancer is someone who simply does one thing: dances.
If you take a dance class, congratulations! You’re a dancer! No matter if you have virtually no turn out, if 16 releves kill your calves, If you don’t know what a sisone is yet, or if a day of practice makes you cry.

You’re a dancer.
And if you remember that, if you accept yourself where you are, if you believe that with practice and dedication you will improve, then you will do just that.

Take the first step. Start where you are. And keep going. Don’t give up, no matter how impossible it seems. No matter if your brain can’t seem to register the seemingly simple step everyone else seems to master, or if you leave practice crying more times than not.
Keep trying.
You’ll get there, I swear.
You are a dancer. Believe it, and watch yourself grow.

This was our conversation in dance class today with our teacher, Jilissa.

Jilissa: Ballet isn’t normal. For some reason, King Louis xiv made people learn it and do it. I think he was a little crazy… anyway, does anyone know why he had them do it? Or really, why we dance ballet? Why do we do it?
Me: Because we’re crazy?
Jilissa: Well… yes, but why do we do it?
Sarah: Because it’s pretty
Jilissa: Yes, that too… but think about it. It’s a challenge. And I really think we do it for the challenge. Because if it was easy, there wouldn’t be anything in it for us. What would be the fun of it? I think we, as people, like something that’s gonna challenge us.

Here we go folks.
If life was easy, what would be the point in it?
If everything was given to us, what would we even accomplish?
Accomplish would be a pointless word… There would kinda be no such thing.
We need the challenge. We need to strive for things. We need to have life smack us in the face, sometimes. To be unsure, to experience fear and look it right in the eye and tell it, “you don’t own me.”
It’s liberating. It’s empowering.
If we were giving everything, we’d never feel the need to change the world. We’d never feel capable of success. Because we wouldn’t need it.

Face hardships head on.
It won’t last forever
But it makes victory worth it.
Work hard now so when you dance, it’s beautiful.

(and if you feel a little crazy, it’s normal 😉 )

We’ve been on a 2 week break from dance class
And I fear I will go crazy.

It’s amazing the difference it has in my deeper life, rather than just the boost it gives me with movement.
It’s as if there is this little person that lives inside of me. And it’s full of thoughts and ideas and commentary for everything I do (recently, it’s resembled the Olympic commentators…) and it constantly feeding my brain. This little minion in my head can be wonderful and encouraging or it can turn on me in an instant and reduce me to tears and worthlessness.
Dance puts him in place.
It challenges his ideas, exposes his lies, and seems to give him kinder things to throw in my head.

The difference 2 weeks can make is astounding.
But I’ve been able to notice and–on good days–separate the truth from lies.
Honestly, I didn’t expect that.

Starting next week, I’ll be taking two classes a week instead of just one.
My dance teacher said that to even be considered for pointe, this is what I need to do. So I took a big step and put my foot down at work and told them it was something I had to do.
I’m really excited.
I know my schedule is gonna be insane, but I’m excited to be able to do this.
I love my studio.
I love my teacher.
I love my classmates.
I love knowing that I’m going to get to do twice as much as I have before. And will, ultimately, be learning and solidifying things twice as fast.

🙂

So, I personally have 5 or so blogs on here already…
Each one has their own topic and point.
Some I still keep up with
Others I could technically delete, but see, I’m weird about that… and I know that anything that has been written could never be written the same again, and that every word is a part of me.
Why start another one?
Well, because I have found myself learning so many deep, insightful lessons in my dance class. More than I can just tack on to any other blog.
So, here’s a new one.
I’ll be posting things I learn in dance class.
Things that I am more than grateful for.
My goal is to fulfill my dream of getting on pointe.
But even if I never accomplish that, the things I learn are worth more than I could have ever imagined. Or dreamed. Or thought. Or hoped. Or expected.
Some will be new experiences, some will be older ones.
Some may be candid. Who knows.

🙂